Profile avatar
craigpsutton.bsky.social
Opinions are not my own. Send help! Just tryna be a silly billy. I do stand-up, improv, sketch, and I'm a professional game designer. My bangers feed: https://tinyurl.com/nm3kyaav My sketches here: https://youtube.com/@teamlaundry?si=ZWIzuYFi5jM7V7_T
3,267 posts 3,688 followers 931 following
Prolific Poster
Conversation Starter

Trump is removing safety regulations for the dick sucking factory.

Nipples are the eyes of the chest

We're in the fuck find phase of around out

All Day I Dream About Striking down capitalism

I'm going to take you to Pound Town baby. Sorry, Dollar Tree.

gotta rehydrate after you ugly cry babe

professional tightrope walkers have the best work/life balance

My dog smells really bad ever since he started smoking

redecorating this outhouse to make it an outhome

Paid a mime fifty bucks to follow me around all day and make the jerkoff motion every time I talk.

Oh no Steve Bannon is autistic too

I'm not going to care about art that no one bothered to create. All these media companies embracing ai to make their content. There's no reason to pay them anymore.

it’s weird that farts and burps are what you smell like inside of your body

I'm such an alpha male, I sleep on top of my weighted blanket

My wife surprised me with a "baby on board" sticker for my car. She's not pregnant, she just has a very low opinion of me.

I haven't changed my water filter in 12 years and now it makes kombucha

Crows are notoriously smart, and have even been known to use simple tools, such as depressed people that try to befriend them with food.

Just learned that techno feudalism isn't when you have an argument with your bro at the club.

Pro Tip: Teach your toddlers to count to ten as soon as they show an interest in numbers . . . so they can reset the router when needed.

I need to stop being so hard on myself but I also need to stop being fat and stupid

Girl, are you a monetary penalty incurred for committing a misdemeanor crime such as littering? Because you fine.

Dinder, an app where you see pics of people's dinners. If you swipe right, they invite you over and feed you that dinner.

it's great to honor important scientists when they die, but in my opinion we should do it when they're born so they can enjoy the honor their whole lives

I took the liberty of installing an edit button on all your posts

Playing DDR at Captain Jack's arcade in Oklahoma City is one of my favorite memories. Dynamite rave, some might say, paved the way, something something hey hey

#BushtitoftheDay A lovely female Bushtit. You can differentiate the sexes by the color of the iris. Females have a pale eye and the males are pure black. #birds #nature

New user influx! Here is a starter pack of funny cool real people

Your honor, I only said you're ACTING like a bitch

Why is everyone suing the government? I thought suing was just for money. Like "if you're going to take my rights then at least give me some money"?

Your honor, I only said you're ACTING like a bitch

Living paycheck to paycheck. Spending 85% of my paycheck every month on jewels.

Take this opportunity to teach your children to think critically.

I used to be so shy that I would miss my bus stop because I was too anxious to pull the stop-request cord. But now look at me! I pull it at every stop!

I'm so glad to see so much peaceful protesting in America during a coup. Very respectful. Very polite. To whom it may concern, please don't do that.