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crutnacker.bsky.social
Social media outfluencer and Only Fans earlobe model. Banned in 51 states. Pisces. Once made Steve Martin laugh.
1,145 posts 803 followers 1,255 following
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Posts 43 Comments 7

In a battle between Trump and Musk, I choose popcorn.

submitted 5 hours ago • 1 comment

It’s time to get Zuckerberg into Trump’s orbit.

submitted 5 hours ago • 0 comments

All three of these men are the best argument for ready access to birth control and abortion.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Mission Impossible 28: Ethan Leaves Scientology.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

We stopped one Mission Impossible short of Tom Cruise running into a wood chipper without a stunt double.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

You can turn on HBO for the Last of Us or any news channel for the Last of US.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Pete Hedgseth is doing casual day as he dishonors the dead at the #COCACOLA600

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

imagine being someone who’d gotten up to go to the bathroom when this happened

submitted 11 days ago • 8 comments

Is a Brazilian steakhouse one that serves hairless meat?

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

You just know Trump calls it “prostrate” cancer.

submitted 18 days ago • 0 comments

The Grim Reaper has lousy fucking aim.

submitted 18 days ago • 0 comments

Biden has cancer and Trump IS a cancer. This is the worst goddamned timeline.

submitted 18 days ago • 0 comments

All the people angry at Springsteen also thought Born in the USA was a patriotic singalong.

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

open.substack.com/pub/blundero...

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

Why is RFK Jr. arguing this #SCOTUS case?

submitted 21 days ago • 0 comments

BREAKING: Max to rename itself Carl.

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

Prediction. Grok will become self aware before Elon does.

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

if windows wanted to make a comeback in this climate they would remove AI and give us back pinball

submitted 22 days ago • 2 comments

BREAKING: The citizens of Canada to gift Trump a Boeing 737 Max.

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments

Oddly, the second Pope on Only Fans.

submitted 28 days ago • 1 comment

We're one nomination away from measles being our new Surgeon General.

submitted 28 days ago • 0 comments

Ummmm.....

submitted 28 days ago • 0 comments

Well the south side of Chicago Is the baddest part of town And if you go down there, You better just beware Of a Pope name Leo 14.

submitted 28 days ago • 0 comments

BREAKING: Trump condemns new "woke" Pope for refusing to speak English.

submitted 28 days ago • 0 comments

Wait, first American Pope? Wasn't there a Pope from Greenwich Village?

submitted 28 days ago • 0 comments

Pope Leo XIV is 69. Nice. #PopeLeoXIV

submitted 28 days ago • 0 comments

News of Donald Trump’s foreign policy reads like the world’s worst Mad Libs game.

submitted 29 days ago • 0 comments

First days of conclave are just cardinals doin’ some car pranks with their buddies.

submitted 29 days ago • 0 comments

Has Trump issued an executive order naming the new Pope yet?

submitted 45 days ago • 0 comments

Active shooter at Florida State. Thankfully, the University got rid of DEI before it happened.

submitted 49 days ago • 0 comments

If we can rocket wealthy people into space, why can't we leave them there?

submitted 52 days ago • 0 comments

Some people are self-deprecating. Some are self-defecating. There seems to be little overlap.

submitted 55 days ago • 0 comments

Why did Elton John run off the stage after kicking Lorne? #snl

submitted 61 days ago • 0 comments

Morgan Wallen is to country as Beyonce is to polkas. Who am I kidding. Bey would rock the accordion. Wallen sounds like a an autotune machine birthed by two cousins.

submitted 68 days ago • 0 comments

Remember the days when you could tell satire from truth?

submitted 72 days ago • 0 comments

Hegseth: I'm Pete and I'm an alcoholic Teen Vogue Journalist: Not sure how I got into your Signal contacts but hi, Pete

submitted 72 days ago • 7 comments

Me in the national security group chat.

submitted 73 days ago • 0 comments

Is there an NCAA bracket for last person to be fired for using Signal for national security?

submitted 73 days ago • 0 comments

This whole Houti signal mess reminds me of that time I accidentally included my mom on the text chain about her 75th birthday party. That ended in explosions as well.

submitted 73 days ago • 0 comments

Game recognizes game.

submitted 73 days ago • 0 comments

Linda McMahon has no problem doing the dirty work on behalf of creepy sex predators.

submitted 77 days ago • 0 comments

"Where's the Disney live action remake of Song of the South?" -- Elon Musk, probably.

submitted 77 days ago • 0 comments

What the hell is going on at the Tel Aviv Things Remembered?

submitted 78 days ago • 0 comments