cynicalbrit.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

Turns out my wife can hear me mutter 'whatever' under my breath, but cant hear me shout 'WHAT' when shes calling me from the kitchen.

submitted 86 days ago • 0 comments

I have to ask, what the fuck is this 'group chat' i see everyone talking about? I only have 2 friends and they dont even know each other

submitted 87 days ago • 0 comments

Parents are replacing their coffee machine which is 7yrs old. Me- thats not old, i have sheets older than that. Mom- well maybe your sheets arnt getting as much action as our coffee machine. When your own mother hits you with an espresso shot to the soul 🫣

submitted 87 days ago • 0 comments

A blue whales anus can stretch up to 3.5 feet, making it the second largest asshole next to those people that talk on speakerphone in public.

submitted 88 days ago • 0 comments

The population of Scotland is about 5.2 million. There's about 600 million cats in the world. If every cat decided to invade Scotland, each Scott would have to fight 115 cats and i really dont think they could pull it off..

submitted 88 days ago • 0 comments

Us adults will tell our kids they cant have ice cream for breakfast, then call on the way to work for a large double mocha frappe caramel extra whip cream bukkake from starbucks

submitted 88 days ago • 0 comments

I'm really good at opening jars.

submitted 88 days ago • 0 comments

Being an adult means you have a total of 3 friends and they all live in different parts of the country and you periodically send each other videos of weird dogs and say "this made me think of you"

submitted 88 days ago • 0 comments

Dont know why people think kids learning about gay relationships in school will turn them gay. I learned about world war 2 in school, but am yet to invade Poland.

submitted 90 days ago • 0 comments

GIRLFRIEND: I'm leaving you. You're constantly making up ridiculous idioms instead of just using common ones. ME: That's fine, Denise. There are plenty more little houses on the prairie.

submitted 92 days ago • 5 comments

Its wednesday folks, all downhill to the weekend from here!

submitted 92 days ago • 0 comments

Asking for a friend.

submitted 94 days ago • 0 comments

My wife said i need to grow up, but you've have no idea how long i waited for this moment

submitted 94 days ago • 2 comments

Shoutout to this cunt who just honked up some sick and then, while I was cleaning it up, begged me for treats.

submitted 94 days ago • 101 comments

This morning i cranked a neighbours petrol mower on the first pull in front of his wife and kids. Yup.

submitted 94 days ago • 0 comments

I want a relationship. Masturbates I dont want a relationship.

submitted 94 days ago • 0 comments

Its not a Sunday unless you completely waste it and then feel really sad around 8pm

submitted 94 days ago • 0 comments

November is my favourite month because I’m so attracted to moustaches and prostates.

submitted 100 days ago • 7 comments

Prayer is just you talking to yourself.

submitted 95 days ago • 15 comments

Opening a fried fish restaurant, calling it KFSea

submitted 94 days ago • 4 comments

Stay safe this flu season. Secondly, remove your minds from the gutter you degenerates.

submitted 94 days ago • 0 comments

I know eating a second slice of chocolate cake is going to make me feel sick and bloated, but i'm gonna do it anyway.

submitted 95 days ago • 0 comments

Having too much sex can cause memory loss. I read that on page 48 of a medical jounal on September 14 2010 at 10.17am.

submitted 95 days ago • 0 comments

That one aunt or uncle that keeps their distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense the older you become.

submitted 95 days ago • 0 comments

I registered quite a few years ago now and it was incredibly straightforward to do. Please do consider it.

submitted 95 days ago • 29 comments

You know what? Leaving a watermelon on someone's doorstep in the middle of the night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever. FOREVER.

submitted 95 days ago • 0 comments

Nothing like a close call slip in the shower to remind you that you're just a Jenga tower of blood. Note to self - buy a bath mat.

submitted 95 days ago • 0 comments

Does anyone make weighted blankets in anything other than mental illness grey?

submitted 95 days ago • 0 comments

The next time you’re feeling anxious or scared about the state of the world, just sit down, take deep breaths, and know that you’re right to panic.

submitted 95 days ago • 3 comments

Who wants to get in on the black market for cheese with me?

submitted 96 days ago • 1 comment

Somebody, somewhere, at some point in time has probably fantasized about you being naked. Yes, even you.

submitted 96 days ago • 0 comments

Just learnt something new about America. You can buy and own your own home, with garden and land, but also some old woman down the street can tell you your not allowed to display your antique frog birdbath your your own garden. HMO's are mental!

submitted 96 days ago • 0 comments