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dazedbwoy.bsky.social
something distinct and inscrutable https://linktr.ee/dazedbwoy
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my dearest, the walls close in tighter each day, the silence unbearable. i sit here trapped, while the world outside tears itself apart. our dreams, our hopes, all drowning in this flood of madness. do you feel it too, this heaviness?

i still love you more than anything but i will never talk to you again. understand that.

and you could never know how i managed that day, the day you simply vanished, as if the world had conspired to erase you.

today, just like always i saw you again in my dream and i know that there is only one way to reach you — to fall asleep. that is the only way. there is only one way. only one way. one way.

i thought of you just now like milk kissed by saffron’s glow, yet somehow, you are red, a warmth or a fire wrapped in silk and snow, stretching in a thousand directions like the sun does, like love does.

it starts quietly, a slow, creeping tiredness that sneaks up on you like a fog. you suddenly realize, with sharp clarity, that for hours or maybe much longer. you’ve been stuck in a dull, uncomfortable state.

everything i write or imagine is false in the sense that it is ex post facto. at an age when i should be tending to the garden, running after something meaningful or pursuing a purpose perhaps married and raising children.

you and i no more but in one undivided being blended.

there are parts of me for you to love and parts for you to hate.

you were the beat i loved but couldn't find the words for, the line i knew but couldn't remember.

once again, the feeling eluded me, slipping away like a snake between rocks.

when i look at the skull, i expect it to be bleached white but instead it’s carved in black paint on a rondel my own "black skull." the mouth isn’t really a mouth not the kind with moist insides and ruby lips, it’s more like an aperture lined with sharp protrusions.