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deepseabeast.bsky.social
some girls wanna be mermaids, i’d rather be a sea monster. punk rock ideals and band tees. everything matters.
6,667 posts 1,915 followers 890 following
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Posts 29 Comments 21

if you can’t make her cum, at least make her coffee.

submitted 3 hours ago • 0 comments

Daylight savings? I was too busy laying in my bed for five days wallowing in self pity. I didn’t even notice. So what’s up, what did I miss?

submitted 10 minutes ago • 1 comment

WHAT THE TIME LORDS GIVETH, THEY WILL ALSO TAKETH AWAY.

submitted 10 hours ago • 1 comment

Your kindness won’t save you. Your suffering won’t be rewarded. Your death won’t be significant. Happy Sunday

submitted 46 minutes ago • 8 comments

When someone is following me who clearly doesn’t understand jokes, I assume that isn’t a person, but a moth, who just followed because the light was on.

submitted 4 hours ago • 9 comments

I’m thinking I’m gonna go through another way too much black eyeliner phase

submitted 51 minutes ago • 0 comments

can’t… I’m listening to powerman 5000

submitted 52 minutes ago • 1 comment

*burrito in space* Astronaut: careful you're steering us right into the blackhole. Me: hehehe space butthole Astronaut: we are getting sucked in stop! Me: hehehe *Spaceship sucked into space butthole*

submitted 59 minutes ago • 1 comment

currently rolling for cringe damage

submitted 56 minutes ago • 0 comments

Don’t mistake my crying for weakness. My weakness is a completely separate thing.

submitted 56 minutes ago • 0 comments

Hey, Hey, Hey, Nothing gold can stay. - Fat Albert talking to Pony Boy Curtis.

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

I don’t know what YouTube is playing at with all this late 90s numetal it’s feeding me but I’m gonna have to allow it.

submitted 57 minutes ago • 1 comment

Another day, another opportunity to tell someone they look fucking stupid.

submitted 22 hours ago • 0 comments

If her pussy kisses you back, she’s a keeper.

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

Welcome to your 40s. Time moves much faster now. Welcome to your 50s

submitted 2 hours ago • 3 comments

sorry for the iambic pentameter. i didn't realize you were talking about pizza when you said you "stan 'za." my love poem was very out of context in hindsight.

submitted 1 hour ago • 1 comment

you are my fire my one bic lighter

submitted 1 day ago • 8 comments

a man with an unwashed ass has an opinion again.

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

*helicopter noises*

submitted 13 hours ago • 2 comments

You deserve to be surrounded by people who make you feel safe to bring out your soft side... instead of those who trigger your survival side.

submitted 13 days ago • 1 comment

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

I'm cashing you out, Bob.

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

HER: Do you love me? ME: You can't ask me that because of HIPAA.

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

I hope that hibernation is the next major human evolutionary phase.

submitted 1 hour ago • 4 comments

From ‘babe’ to ‘user not found’ in 3.6 seconds

submitted 84 days ago • 3 comments

Always choose forgiveness. Unless your name's Ripley, then you're allowed to set them on fire and eject them into space.

submitted 4 hours ago • 1 comment

I used to be filled with deep thoughts and great ideas Now I just wanna be filled with tater tots and a great burger

submitted 1 hour ago • 1 comment

*stamps feet* I AM FUCKING FUNNY. WORSHIP MY HUMOR.

submitted 4 days ago • 5 comments

[Forgetting the word for cucumber] Can you tell me where to find the water sausages?

submitted 10 days ago • 3 comments