Profile avatar
divyaswor.bsky.social
Full stack developer. Dad jokes. Remote work is the future. OPEN TO COLLABORATE. I am not that active anywhere, but you can still check out my profiles. https://www.divyaswormakai.com Most of the posts are jokes.
6,643 posts 29,384 followers 79,504 following
Prolific Poster
Posts 50 Comments 0

What do you call a small mother? A minimum.

submitted 33 days ago • 1 comment

What do Kermit the Frog, John the Baptist, and Vlad the Impaler have in common? Same middle name.

submitted 33 days ago • 0 comments

What's the difference between a politician and a pig? They're spelled different.

submitted 33 days ago • 2 comments

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was odd.

submitted 33 days ago • 2 comments

Why would a future pornstar end up being on the cover of her high school yearbook? She was voted Most Likely To Suck Seed

submitted 33 days ago • 0 comments

Why do Catholics smell so good? Because of all the popery.

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

My wife and I have reached the difficult decision that we do not want children. If anybody does, please just send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.

submitted 34 days ago • 1 comment

Orion's Belt isn't all that great. It's just a huge waist of space.

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

I used to have a stepladder at my job, but it disappeared. Just like my real ladder.

submitted 34 days ago • 1 comment

Have you guys heard the latest scandal that Musk misappropriated Tesla funds to pay for penis enlargement surgery? The press is calling it Elongate.

submitted 34 days ago • 1 comment

In communist China, government tell you what can and can't say. In capitalist America, government decide what corporation tell you what you can and can't say.

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

My boss calls me a “the computer” because I fall asleep when unattended after 15 minutes.

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

Why is Dwayne Johnson the only man who can turn lesbians? Because Rock beats scissors

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

Why does America not use the metric system? Because they have a foot fetish.

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

So a pasta salesman walks up to a pimp and tries to trade product for sex. He says... "Penne for your thots?"

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

When I was interviewed for a job, I was told I would start at $2,000 a month, and then after six months, I’d get $2,500 a month. I told her I would start in six months.

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

Me and another cook were in a heated debate about how our new salad should be presented. We got fired for chopping it up.

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

I asked my friend why he only wore his N95 in church. He said that his doctor had told him to wear his mask religiously.

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

How did the burglar enter the house? He got intruda-window.

submitted 34 days ago • 1 comment

My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. I said… That would be a big step forward.

submitted 34 days ago • 1 comment

I used to confuse orgasm and organic. But now the difference comes naturally.

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

Relationships are like algebra. Sometimes I’ll look at the X and wonder Y.

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

What has ears but never listens? A corn field…….

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

The government decided to phase out coins in our currency today. This country just has no cents anymore.

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

My doctor told me to put an end to drinking brake fluid I told him I can stop anytime

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

What sound does a clock in America make? None, because there is no more Tik Tok!

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

Son: "Dad, what's a forklift?" Dad: "Food, usually."

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments

Why did Mufasa die in the stampede? He was moving too slow, he needed to Mufasa

submitted 34 days ago • 1 comment

Which NBA team has the lowest payroll? Milwaukee; they only pay 15 Bucks.

submitted 34 days ago • 1 comment

I like TikTok how I like my coffee. Dark

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

My prosthetic arm was stolen But the police found it at the second hand shop.

submitted 35 days ago • 1 comment

I dated a French girl that insisted on pegging me with a baguette It was a huge pain in my ass

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

Have you ever tried blind folded Archery? You don’t know what you’re missing.

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

After 20 years of marriage, my wife still thinks I'm a stud Sometimes I'll walk by and hear her whisper to herself "what a dick"

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

I hired two guys to stand in my living room and hold up my drapes. Their names are Kurt and Rod!

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

What search engine does Mario use? YAHOO!

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

With ticktock banned and pornhub doing age verification… I’m concerned the red state public education system is going to collapse

submitted 35 days ago • 1 comment

How does a man satisfy his wife in bed? By sleeping on the sofa

submitted 35 days ago • 1 comment

My friend had a surgery to transition from a man to a woman. I asked "of all the things they cut, what hurt the most?" "The salary", they said.

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

Doctor said I have a low sperm count and that’s why my wife wasn’t getting pregnant Needless to say, the wife was not happy with all my short comings.

submitted 35 days ago • 1 comment

Well, that didn't work out. And the thing is, she's the one who insisted I *"put a ring on it."*

submitted 35 days ago • 1 comment

I told my parents to watch the kids. When I came back the baby was still chewing on the ouija board, so I guess it worked.

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

Building castles and moats seems pointless. It's a waste of time and a fort.

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

I wanted to be a hand model but got turned around for not having the face for it. Where can a guy get a decent handjob that doesn't require headshots?

submitted 35 days ago • 1 comment

Sure, I'll be your puppet. No strings attached.

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

I was annoyed when the Queen of England died Not because she died but because she spoiled the ending of the TV Series “The Crown”.

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

Why does Hamlet take so long in the bathroom? He can't decide whether to pee or not to pee.

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

I once had a job crushing cans, but quit shortly after I started It was soda pressing

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home So I threw him out. I hate having visitors

submitted 35 days ago • 0 comments

Okay everyone, wish me luck. I have a meeting at the bank later and if all goes well, I'll be out of debt... I'm so excited I can barely put on my ski mask.

submitted 35 days ago • 2 comments