drdoylesays.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

It doesn't matter how much anybody loves, accepts, or is attracted to us if our relationship w/ ourselves is a sh*t show. We don't always have to love, or even like ourselves-- but the inside of our head does need to be a safe place for us. A safe place we curate & develop daily.

submitted 2 hours ago • 2 comments

Hobbies, art, & music we enjoy & find meaning in are non-negotiable trauma recovery tools. Trauma tries to alienate us from who we are w/ a sh*tstorm of reactions & memories. We have to purposefully work to find ourselves again-- & develop & reinforce who we are beyond survival.

submitted 4 hours ago • 2 comments

Your inner critic might try to shame you for grieving. "You're weak." "You should be over this." "This wasn't that big a deal." Grieving is NORMAL & HEALTHY. Even if it takes longer-- maybe a LOT longer-- than we think it "should." Protect your grief from your inner critic.

submitted 4 hours ago • 3 comments

The basics in trauma recovery are the basics for a reason-- because there is never a point in our recovery where it is the wrong call to purposefully breathe, choose our self-talk, check n w/ our "parts," & manage our time, physical space, & finances in recovery supporting ways.

submitted 6 hours ago • 2 comments

They say “punk” like it’s a bad thing. I guarantee there are punks reading this— rebels, badasses, survivors who “they” rejected because we wouldn’t play along. Keep on with your bad self, ya punk.

submitted 6 hours ago • 2 comments

We can be disappointed in ourselves, angry at ourselves, furious about our past choices, frustrated by our symptoms-- without hating, sabotaging, or harming ourselves. Don't get tricked or trapped by Trauma Brain into thinking you "have" to punish yourself. Focus forward.

submitted 7 hours ago • 1 comment

Don’t relapse. Use what you’re feeling right now as fuel. Prove them wrong.

submitted 17 hours ago • 1 comment

Setting goals & managing our time isn't letting someone else control us. It's refusing to let our autopilot, which was programmed by our bullies, abusers, & trauma, trick us into wasting today kicking our own ass w/ shame & self-sabotage. Because f*ck that, you know?

submitted 20 hours ago • 3 comments

There is zero heroism in refusing to eat when we're hungry or rest when we're tired. That bullsh*t belief system (BS BS) was programmed into us by people (&, often, a culture) that wanted, & still wants, us too tired & scattered to set boundaries or focus on our goals.

submitted 21 hours ago • 4 comments

Saying "no" can be complicated for trauma survivors who have internalized the belief that we have to be everything to everyone in order to be minimally safe. People pleasing isn't about the "attaboys" for survivors-- our nervous system is convinced it's about survival.

submitted 23 hours ago • 5 comments

Building a life that is incrementally less dependent on others for survival & safety is central to trauma recovery-- & also scary as hell when we've been, & are, vulnerable. Remember: there's nothing shameful about fear-- & fear isn't evidence you can't do it. Baby steps.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Don't let someone who is not working their recovery or who doesn't believe in recovery get in your head & convince you to abandon yours. You've lived long enough w/ other people deciding what you do or don't "get" to do. Breathe; blink; & focus on your needs & goals today.

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

Trauma programming is going to try to get in your head & tell you it's pointless to set goals-- because it knows that setting realistic, proactive micro-goals every day is how we build self-esteem & claw our way out of survival mode. Don't listen to trauma's bullsh*t about goals.

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

Abusers try to rewrite history in order to avoid responsibility. Survivors working our recovery rewrite our personal story in our head & nervous system so we can accept & exercise realistic responsibility-- which includes rejecting shame & blame that is truly not ours.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Your lived experience is more important than my degree, my license, my reputation-- and my lived experience. The only reason I can truly help you, if I can, is that I have no illusions about that.

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

What we are building in trauma recovery is better than anything that was possible by leaving our life on autopilot. Our autopilot was programmed by people & experiences we want to leave behind-- so every day we have to accept the hassle of taking the wheel.

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

For trauma survivors it's often a much harder conversation to have w/ ourselves in which we acknowledge we had no control over certain things, than all our old self-talk which blamed & shamed us for everything just so we wouldn't feel powerless. We prefer "guilty" to "helpless."

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Trauma recovery is about becoming chill, not cold. I know plenty of survivors who are highly in touch w/ their passion & their intensity. Including me. We do not have to give up being fiery or wild in order to achieve real emotional regulation or personal safety.

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

We often hear we're going to have to do the thing afraid-- but to me uncertainty was always more paralyzing than fear. I can deal w/ fear if the outcome is certain. But to move forward w/ little certainty requires a leap of faith it took me years, & a lot of self work, to chance.

submitted 1 day ago • 5 comments

Trauma recovery is about becoming chill, not cold. I know plenty of survivors who are highly in touch w/ their passion & their intensity. Including me. We do not have to give up being fiery or wild in order to achieve real emotional regulation or personal safety.

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

I choose working my trauma recovery over my need to understand why they did what they did. I choose working my addiction recovery over my need to understand why I'm so drawn to certain substances & behaviors. Understanding is, or would be, nice. But recovery is more important.

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

Don't be afraid of boundaries. Remind yourself that none of this is personal-- and your safety matters at least as much as their feelings.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

I’m so over “trauma is part of life” takes on social media. Yeah. We know. Every time a survivor sees one of those posts they feel a little sh*tier for struggling w/ “just” “a part of life.” Those takes don’t add anything to any conversation about trauma worth having.

submitted 2 days ago • 3 comments

You will never have to beg the right people to prioritize your safety, stability, or sobriety.

submitted 2 days ago • 3 comments

Don't relapse. That's a much bigger problem cosplaying as a solution.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

The fact that "they" did not treat you better had zero to do w/ whether or not you were "enough." Trauma Brain will have you chasing a simplistic "what did I not do/do wrong" to try to understand their rejection or indifferent, but that's a trap. Don't bite.

submitted 2 days ago • 5 comments

If we're scrambling to people please, we're often doing so at the expense of authenticity-- & as we develop our identity & self-esteem in trauma & addiction recovery, we tend to be less vulnerable to frantic people pleasing. Which, predictably, will displease some people. Good.

submitted 2 days ago • 5 comments

Trauma survivors often struggle to identify what we're feeling. We didn't have the safety or support growing up to develop an extensive emotional vocabulary. All we know is, when we feel, we feel a lot-- except when we don't. It's either drinking from the firehose or dehydration.

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

We're not always going to feel strong. Strength fluctuates. We won't be strong every minute, & we don't need to be. What we do need is to be committed to having our own back, being on our own side, not abandoning ourselves-- no matter how strong we do or don't feel this minute.

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

submitted 3 days ago • 3 comments

Our trauma programming will try every trick, every lie, every threat, every addiction, to get us distracted from what we care about, what matters to us, what heals us. It's not our fault-- we're responding to conditioned patterns. Reconditioning ourselves starts w/ seeing it.

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

Recovery isn't about being "stronger" than your symptoms or your trauma. You're plenty strong, & you have nothing to prove. This is about strategy, values, & goals-- those things our trauma convinces us we "can't" & "shouldn't" & "don't deserve" to think about.

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

Their intentions don't matter if their behavior keeps hurting us. This is true of all relationships-- including w/ people, jobs, political parties, apps, & online platforms. Sustainable recovery has no illusions about intention vs. impact.

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

We're not going to get out of this emotional spiral by judging our pain or disowning our struggle. As frustrating & discouraging as all of this is, we can't respond to it by attacking or abandoning ourselves-- not anymore. Not ever again. Breathe; blink; focus.

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

Working our recovery often means we have to reconceptualize what it means to bring our "best" self to a situation. Our best self isn't the one who plows through emotions & discomfort w/o acknowledging them-- it's our self that can meet our pain w/ compassion, patience, & care.

submitted 4 days ago • 4 comments

People making assumptions about us-- especially our attitudes or motives-- can be highly triggering to trauma survivors, especially if neglect is pat of our history. It echoes & deepens feelings of invisibility & being dismissed-- & can also kindle an unexpected "fight" response.

submitted 4 days ago • 3 comments

Safe people, people who are going to have a constructive role to play in our trauma recovery, take our pain seriously-- whether or not they understand it or have experienced anything like it themselves.

submitted 4 days ago • 1 comment

Do not let feelings & memories from the past trick or trap you into self-destructive behaviors today. Slow down. Push pause. Take a moment to "hear" the voice of that supportive mentor, ally, or therapist on your shoulder. Remember & reinforce: you have options & skills.

submitted 4 days ago • 3 comments

We don't have to love or approve of a reaction, thought, or impulse to validate that it makes sense on some level-- that whatever we're experiencing is "part" of us trying to communicate a need. We can validate it even if we don't get it, don't love it, &/or want to change it.

submitted 4 days ago • 1 comment

A struggle many trauma survivors don't talk about-- because we don't want to seem "weak" or "immature"-- is just getting up & facing the day. You need to know you're not alone-- & you're not hopeless-- if you have a harder time literally getting out of bed than you let on.

submitted 4 days ago • 5 comments

You & I have the right to feel exactly what we're feeling, at exactly the intensity we feel it, for exactly as long as we need to feel it. No one gets to tell us we "shouldn't." We also have the right to create & sustain new feeling states. No one gets to tell us we "can't."

submitted 4 days ago • 2 comments

Emotional flashbacks will make us feel, in body & mind, like we are who we were back then-- but we're not. We're more experienced, more resourceful, & often more physically capable (literally older, bigger, & taller) than we were. Breathe; blink; remember; remind yourself.

submitted 5 days ago • 2 comments

Our trauma conditioning, that self-sabotaging programming our bullies & abuses laid on us years ago, wants us responding to every memory & feeling we experience w/ panic & self-cruelty. Trauma programming gets scrambled & weakened when we respond w/ compassion & patience.

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

Fcking up today doesn't mean you've fcked up your trauma recovery. Everyone reading this has fcked up a day. I've fcked up more days than most. But realistic "recovery" means we accept the sh*t days and get back on track. Some days are diamonds; some days are rocks.

submitted 5 days ago • 2 comments

Because someone has a documented psychotic or bipolar disorder makes it MORE important to take a good trauma history & incorporate trauma informed & focused interventions into their treatment-- not less.

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

Easy does it. I need you to remember that not all of your growth or progress in trauma recovery is always going to be obvious or visible. This is about long term, sustainable changes-- & you're probably doing better than you think you are. Easy. Breathe; blink; focus.

submitted 5 days ago • 2 comments

Nobody liking or loving you is a valid measure of your worth. Acceptance & validation & love all feel great-- but no one's behavior or attitude toward you creates worth. You have worth & value no matter what anybody thinks about or feels toward you. Repeat as necessary.

submitted 5 days ago • 2 comments

We're not going to move on from a feeling or conflict until we've validated our experience & mourned what needs to be mourned-- until we've given our experience its due. Validation isn't a touchy feely luxury. It's a tool that realistically enables our functioning.

submitted 5 days ago • 3 comments

We can choose to change who we are or what we do, for our reasons, on our timetable-- but telling ourselves we "have" to change in order to be acceptable to or loved by someone is self-abandonment. Don't fall into that trap.

submitted 5 days ago • 2 comments

"Their" inability or unwillingness to have your back when you were vulnerable wasn't about you.

submitted 5 days ago • 5 comments