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dyke.bsky.social
40,137 posts 2,414 followers 219 following
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Posts 36 Comments 14

texting my 70 year old boss on the weekend and telling him that i miss him and that i think it'd be cute if he got a nose job

submitted 6 minutes ago • 0 comments

シリーさん、妹になってください！

submitted 9 hours ago • 0 comments

siri who hurt you?

submitted 9 hours ago • 0 comments

are you on new york time? la time? sheboygan time??

submitted 9 hours ago • 1 comment

Siri, can you buy me and my friends beers at the 7/11?

submitted 9 hours ago • 0 comments

stop being so secretive about the girth

submitted 9 hours ago • 4 comments

Siri, how do I buy a dildo without my mom finding out?

submitted 9 hours ago • 1 comment

Water signs be shopping.

submitted 10 hours ago • 0 comments

My high school counselor always told me that I could be whatever I wanted when I grew up, but I just found out mermaids aren't real. So I guess all those hours I spent modeling swimwear at his house after school were for nothing.

submitted 94 days ago • 0 comments

farting really stinky this evening

submitted 10 hours ago • 1 comment

you guys hate me because i'm your little sister

submitted 10 hours ago • 0 comments

I showed you my fertile ovaries, pls respond.

submitted 10 hours ago • 0 comments

(clinically) have you considered being a little more busted

submitted 11 hours ago • 0 comments

Asking Siri what her high school GPA was and if she made varsity cheer or not.

submitted 11 hours ago • 0 comments

Pickle ass ball, damn. #damn

submitted 11 hours ago • 0 comments

job interviewer: where do you see yourself in 5 years me: as a lap cat, curled up on a sun-soaked blanket

submitted 12 hours ago • 1 comment

It's a big hole and you ain't in it

submitted 12 hours ago • 0 comments

writhing stats off the chart this year 📈

submitted 12 hours ago • 1 comment

it would've been funny if humans never discovered that we need water. like most everyone just dropping dead a couple days after birth because we don't understand water.

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

it's really really windy outside

submitted 13 hours ago • 0 comments

submitted 14 hours ago • 2 comments

dad the 2 round things on my chest hurt

submitted 14 hours ago • 0 comments

i'm eating canned pineapple

submitted 14 hours ago • 0 comments

mirror mirror on the wall who is the whitest woman of them all?

submitted 14 hours ago • 0 comments

[Text from my mom] [Delete and report junk]

submitted 14 hours ago • 0 comments

might we loose the hounds on him, Papa? Oh please, can’t we loose the hounds on him?

submitted 14 hours ago • 0 comments

(chanting, banging on table) "NUTS and SEEDS! NUTS and SEEDS! NUTS and SEEDS!"

submitted 16 hours ago • 0 comments

submitted 15 hours ago • 0 comments

i stopped smoking and vaping like a month ago. i use those dumb mouth pouches and patches now

submitted 15 hours ago • 0 comments

i want a cigarette

submitted 15 hours ago • 1 comment

roommate listing: i am neurotic. i worry out loud a lot. i will pace relentlessly around shared living spaces. my poops are stinky.

submitted 18 hours ago • 0 comments

I sold my soul for a couch. I'm very happy with the couch

submitted 18 hours ago • 0 comments

Allow me to be utterly clear: Yay, yay, yippee.

submitted 18 hours ago • 0 comments

So you guys really take this "social media" thing pretty seriously, huh?

submitted 271 days ago • 0 comments

siri is it wrong to date someone who is only 5 years older than me?

submitted 18 hours ago • 1 comment

I had a dream there was a crash bandicoot skateboarding game and @kebbyruxpin.bsky.social did a 44,000,000 point combo grinding on a big dragon roller coaster and I was jealous....

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments