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dylannice.bsky.social
All skeets are on behalf of my mother
383 posts 1,076 followers 801 following
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If there is one sound my dog is attuned to it is the sound of bag

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

If I were a billionaire I would simply enjoy my wealth instead of attempting to ruin everything

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Wasn’t too worried about egg prices until I saw the mayo prices. Dry sammies tonight boys

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

No one should be allowed to microwave at the office. Everyone should bring sandwiches

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

2025 marker of wealth: Conspicuous egg consumption

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

Yeah I’m Ben. Ben dune your mom

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Anyone who doesn’t believe in science should be made to learn how Neptune was discovered

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

When your movie has two guys in it make one of them blond or something I have trouble telling dudes apart

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

If I finance a hairpiece I can’t afford then that will be my debt toupee

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

That dumb astroid is gonna miss

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

Me to asylum staff: A straight jacket? You mean like something from Carhartt?

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 10 days ago • 1 comment

Do you guys think it’s possible for two people to touch buttholes?

submitted 23 days ago • 1 comment

I had a dream Simone Giertz and I worked at Wal-mart and were bf/gf

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

If folks could quit farting on the bus that would be great

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

People at cvs having a contest who can take the longest using self checkout

submitted 11 days ago • 1 comment

lol, Vance has been admonished by his infallible representative of God on earth

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

I’m a young bachelorette so I consider today the Suitor Bowl

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

You guys are probably pretty desperate to bone so I’ll go now

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

As much as it pains to me admit this, people are allowed to chat on the bus

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

Elon has taken all the Rockwell Automation systems offline at the treasury, experts anticipate sinusoidal depleneration by weekend

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

Did you guys know that Bette loves bananas

submitted 17 days ago • 1 comment

Me in CVS: everything seems expensive CVS: here’s 16 feet of coupons

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

🎶 Considered a fool because I dropped out of law school 🎶

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

When I was a boy my brother told me the greatest food in the world was filet mignon which I heard as “flamin’ yawn” and then frequently attempted to order

submitted 18 days ago • 0 comments

The priest says “so saith the lord” because “so says the Lord” sounds he’s being really shitty

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

oh my god punxsutawney phil has a gun!!

submitted 20 days ago • 3 comments

[doing a bad matt berry impersonation] i Weish i could Talk Like mahtt Ber-ry

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

Me to my dog who wants to play: sorry I have to go have more diarrhea now

submitted 21 days ago • 0 comments

[meeting of phone engineers] Low-level person: we could make it so that if you touch the phone weirdly it scrolls upward at the speed of light? CEO: yes! we could make it easy to do by accident but impossible to do on purpose

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

Memory from home, show and tell, 4th grade. Smartest boy in class holds peculiar rock aloft: I discovered this volcanic rock in my back yard. Millions of years ago… Teacher: no, that’s a clinker Smartest boy: a clinker? Teacher: yes, from a coal furnace. A clinker Smartest boy takes his seat

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

You like my prison tats? Yeah, each one has a meaning. This one is Garfield, because I hate Mondays, and look, here's Cathy, see? She's saying AAACK!! because her life is such a mess.

submitted 22 days ago • 2 comments

Do you guys think it’s possible for two people to touch buttholes?

submitted 23 days ago • 1 comment

The thing I respect about disco is that it really was an attempt to get everyone of all different colors together and have them bone out their differences

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments

Man cannot live on bread alone. What you really need is a hoagie

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments