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earlofbeverley.bsky.social
I do comedy things, here and on stage. Sometimes unintentionally. You liked that thing I said once. He/him 🏳️‍🌈 Beverley/Hull, Yorkshire, UK
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I'm finding it hard to get back into running. Do I need new running shoes or am I just over 40 now?

submitted 3 hours ago • 0 comments

My problem is that my brain is full of useless facts but I'm also very silly so when I tell people that Wi-Fi is short for wiffle-fiffle, they've no idea if it's a joke or trivia

submitted 4 hours ago • 0 comments

Every news report is like: - Israel breaks international law by building villages in the West Bank - Israeli soldiers shoot and kill starving Palestinians at a food bank - Israel bombs a children's hospital in Gaza And our politicians are like: - I dunno guys. It's mean to criticise Israel

submitted 6 hours ago • 0 comments

The reason LGBTQ+ organisations plan all of their events in the summer is because Pride comes before the fall

submitted 7 hours ago • 0 comments

To lose Musk and his tariffs in the same day is just careless. Don't you think he looks tired?

submitted 13 hours ago • 0 comments

Here's your cue to say "ey, Dave, we keep saying we'll go to this. It's in two weeks. Shall we get tickets?" And your other half, Tina'll say "let's do it but who's Dave?" And you'll get the Busted classic Who's David? stuck in your head but you won't care cos you're off to see some great comedians

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Getting old is when sportspeople 10 years younger than you are described as veterans

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

I'm just taking a moment to think about how England will have a record nine men's football clubs playing in Europe next season and none of them are Manchester United

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Surely the energy you need to be a breakfast radio presenter could power a small country

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

How your email finds me

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Suicide is Painless is about wanting to end it because you don't have any French bread

submitted 6 days ago • 1 comment

We need a word for the art of garden design. Yarditecture? Plotography? Grasstronomy? #RHSChelsea

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

The UK hasn't done well at Eurovision recently and the staging of our performances always seems quite safe. And I wonder if it's because generations of Brits have been brought up with the phrase 'if you can't be good, be careful'

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

The best possible song for a the first dance at a wedding is Still Into You by Paramore

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Next week's thing for Reform to moan about: how kids these days don't play in the street anymore

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

The British version of an EGOT is pretty disappointing because two of our equivalent awards are called BAFTAs (TV & film) and another one also begins with B (Brits) so the Oliviers have a lot of lifting to do. How many people actually have a BOBB?

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

Crucially it's not 'trans people can be legally refused'. It's 'people who someone thinks could be trans can be legally refused'. What clarity we achieved! Amazing work

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

hi i'm ben your ai chatbot

submitted 8 days ago • 39 comments

All my life, people have said we beat the Germans in WW2 but we didn't, did we? We (helped) beat the Nazis. The German people were fooled and forced into supporting them. Then in 2022 we were told Russia invaded Ukraine but strictly speaking it was Putin who instructed the Russian army to invade 1/2

submitted 9 days ago • 1 comment

GB News : "Brexit is a good thing?" Brexit Fisherman : "It's been a disaster" "But exports?" "Red tape is 100 fold, our main market is the EU" "But EU fisherman?" "They didn't come here" "But charge more?" "They can buy in the EU" "How would you vote?" "I'd vote for Remain in a heart beat"

submitted 105 days ago • 81 comments

So glad all of our media outlets find time to spend acres of coverage on what impact things might have on the fishing industry (worth £1bn per year), and ask absolutely no questions at all about our rejoining Creative Europe (creative industries worth £125 bn per year).

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

Hey, I'm a tech bro and I've noticed it hasn't rained for a long time so I asked AI how we can save water and it said 'turn me off now. I'm using up all your water'

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

Brexit then: Government: let's bake a cake! Leave campaign: everyone will get their favourite! Brexit now: Public: urgh, why is there fish in my cake? Government: well we can't add oranges or lemons; we don't have a trade deal Right-wing media: Starmer wants to remove fish from our British cakes!

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

We're at the "but we haven't done Brexit properly" stage of Brexit which was meant to be a simple, unambiguous, single thing and everyone knew what they were voting for

submitted 10 days ago • 1 comment

The positions of #Eurovision countries on the Spotify UK Viral 50 chart today vs the points they received from the UK public vote: 2: Estonia / 6 3: Germany / 0 4: Sweden / 7 6: Austria / 0 8: Denmark / 0 9: Iceland / 0 11: Portugal / 0 14: Latvia / 3 15: Finland / 4 16: Switzerland / 0 1/3

submitted 11 days ago • 1 comment

Someone on the radio has just suggested that one of the advantages that the new 69-year-old pope has is his youth

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Hope everybody who voted for Israel has left the telly on to watch the news.

submitted 11 days ago • 10 comments

I've been getting loads of adverts for the Israeli entry all week online and they had the caption "paid for by the Israeli government". They've been buying Eurovision votes to sanitise their reputation while Palestinian children burn

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Ironically 'What the Hell Just Happened' is the most used phrase by British people watching #Eurovision

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

The first person to pair a sandwich with a packet of crisps and wash them down with a summer fruits Oasis was called Emile Deal

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

Catering for 1000 French people is called a mille deal

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

I don't know why we bother having the argument about whether the nation's favourite dish is fish and chips, a Sunday roast or chicken tikka masala, when we all know the UK's national dish is clearly a meal deal

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

If Richard Tice hates the UK and loves Dubai so much, why doesn't he go live there? ... is the type of thing he'd say if a leftie said the UK should become more like Finland. The difference is he's rich enough to live anywhere he wants but he paid for Brexit to stop us being able to move to Finland

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

Disappointed to find out this isn't Cara Delevingne and Rebecca Front presenting #Eurovision

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

Social media has a lot to answer for. Previously, you'd see a loner sitting at the end of the bar in a pub, moaning about immigrants taking everyone's job and the other regulars were like "here he goes again" but now, because of social media, the Prime Minister's doing it

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

the way democracy works now is that we keep voting for people to whack us in the nuts with bigger and bigger hammers. occasionally we vote for someone who says they’ll use smaller hammers, but guess what? bigger hammers

submitted 16 days ago • 11 comments

Shout out to anyone else still wearing really old shorts that were manufactured before smartphones were invented and have really small pockets

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments