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elfbatross.bsky.social
that one with the hair.
519 posts 710 followers 157 following
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Posts 29 Comments 21

40 next year & i STILL pretend I'm headlining a festival when I'm alone & listening to my music

submitted 8 hours ago • 1 comment

dr xand & dr chris everywhere. open the fridge? dr xand & dr chris, nestled within the babybels, eyes staring ahead. hide in the downstairs loo for 5 mins peace? dr xand & dr chris, heads bobbing in the cistern. close eyes to escape? dr xand & dr chris, haunting the subconscious, eternally within.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

"THE CHILDREN WILL HAVE TWO DOLLS INSTEAD OF THIRTY DOLLS AND MAYBE THE TWO DOLLS WILL COST A COUPLE OF BUCKS MORE"

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

This "debate" about who should use what toilet doesn’t benefit anyone. It doesn’t fix the underfunding of women's refuges, NHS waiting lists leaving women in terrible pain, mums skipping meals to feed their kids. How about we get on with tackling the real issues affecting women?

submitted 3 days ago • 73 comments

you can take your kid to all the museums you want, show her famous artworks, read her classic novels... and yet still one day you will find yourself with a 13 year old who asks you things like "have you heard about the latest italian brain rot on tiktok"

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

statutory maternity pay is absolute shit. how the hell is anyone supposed to survive on it?? anyway this post was brought to you by me waking up in the middle of the night to check down the back of the sofa for coins.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

can't believe I've only just seen the peter andre thing

submitted 6 days ago • 4 comments

watching Midlands Today & these two priests from birmingham who're visiting rome for the pope's funeral are really giving 'father ted & dougal in the caravan' vibes.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

sorry but any britons using the word 'douchebag' should be publicly flogged

submitted 7 days ago • 3 comments

The moment the penny drops for the former Tory Chief Secretary Simon Clarke when trying to implement bathroom bans.

submitted 7 days ago • 5 comments

"relax, it's just for a stock photo - they'll probably use it for a new herbal tea brand or something"

submitted 7 days ago • 102 comments

wenches on vinted offering 50p off the asking price give me the absolute rage. does this look like fucking Bargain Hunt to you love?? am I wearing a Red Team fleece with my Golden Gavel badge pinned on the front or something?!? ffs.

submitted 7 days ago • 1 comment

how do you know if you're ready to be the World's Next Pope?

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

livestream the conclave, you cowards

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

HIS TIME IS NOW

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

just realised that my cher impression, my celine dion impression and my heather smalls impression are all basically the same impression.

submitted 16 days ago • 3 comments

girl, I've been in the queue at primark for longer than you've been in space, fuck me.

submitted 18 days ago • 0 comments

please stop xx

submitted 18 days ago • 0 comments

literally every single person agrees that katy perry is really annoying, yes? yes.

submitted 18 days ago • 2 comments

gonna have meself a motherfucking HOT CROSS BUNNN

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

just stood in the kitchen eating butterscotch angel delight out of the fridge whilst playing the spoons

submitted 25 days ago • 1 comment

just LOVE asking my 13 year old questions like "so, who are the current heart-throbs for the young people then?" & watching her die laughing from embarrassment.

submitted 27 days ago • 2 comments

oh mary mary, how i have missed you 🥲

submitted 27 days ago • 1 comment

My 91 year old nan just poked my 7 week postpartum belly & asked if I'm expecting another.

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

perfect weather for cuddling babies. 10/10, would recommend.

submitted 30 days ago • 0 comments

oh dear, I've been pronouncing it "shap-ell ro-an" all this time

submitted 30 days ago • 3 comments

"And so, the initial Sugababes line-up formed way back in 1998, when Mutya Buena, Keisha Buchanan and Siobhan Donaghy were just 13 years old..."

submitted 30 days ago • 0 comments

just accidentally said 'hey google' to alexa & now she knows I've got another woman hiding in the bedroom

submitted 31 days ago • 0 comments

Finished watching Last One Laughing before bed last night & woke up still laughing at that final joke.

submitted 35 days ago • 2 comments