Profile avatar
elmcflyer.bsky.social
Nashville native/Music City adjacent Generally a dirtbag Consumer of candy corn Opinions subject to change
377 posts 51 followers 145 following
Prolific Poster
Conversation Starter
Posts 38 Comments 12

Me: I’ve muted the words “Elon”, “Musk”, and “Trump” on both Mastodon and Bluesky so I should be free of dumbshit in my feed. Others: I’ll just screencap Tweets and Truth Social for him.

submitted 3 hours ago • 0 comments

I assume inked up rough looking dudes, bobbing their heads to the beats in their earphones are listening to John Mayer or Ed Sheeran.

submitted 16 hours ago • 0 comments

I’m fine just ogling boobs from a distance, like a gentleman.

submitted 16 hours ago • 0 comments

Why is it necessary to sow wild oats?

submitted 16 hours ago • 0 comments

If you have measles, or the flu, or covid, or the plague and you recuperate at home instead of at MAGA rallies…you’re part of the problem.

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

I’d start an OnlyFans, but as a middle aged dudebro, I shudder to think at what I’d need to do to make money. Butt stuff for sure.

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

I have PTSD from a lifetime of dance battles.

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

There are many children at my gate. I understand kids will be kids. But I don’t believe my announcement that “I have enough Benadryl for every child on this flight!” makes me an asshole. I’ll concede, I shouldn’t have commandeered the intercom.

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

It’s a travel week for visiting friends, attending a work conference, then going skiing. I couldn’t manage this in my carry on. Checked a bag, so now I’ll have to wait like trash.

submitted 17 hours ago • 0 comments

This latest measles outbreak really has me worried about that cootie shot I received in first grade. I kind of doubt the second grader who gave it to me had any kind of medical training.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

*finishes 15 year sentence with no music and THEN remembers I smuggled an iPod nano in through my prison wallet* Well, that’s definitely going to be harder to reach now.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

It may be time for me to let go of my dream of becoming a panhandling bucket drummer.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

The Wizard of Oz could have been a bigger film if the cast hadn’t been short-staffed.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

I spent thousands on my Slim Goodbody costume tattoo. Only to have it ruined by appendicitis.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

why does Siri capitalize like Cormac McCarthy? 

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

*Dies screaming. Regrets this skeet*

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Mine says reskeet.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

When I left the house this morning, like every day, I said to my cats, “Have a great day boys, daddy will be back later.” I close the door before they see the tears in my eyes. How do I tell them I am not their biological father?

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

STATUS UPDATE: Testicles both incredibly sore. Slightly less horny than usual.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

🚀 Openvibe 1.8 is here! Now you can share content directly from your browser/photos with the system share sheet. Plus, easily switch profiles with a long press on the overview icon! Update now and let us know what do you think ✨ #Openvibe: One app for Bluesky, Mastodon, Nostr & Threads 🐙

submitted 5 days ago • 26 comments

Every man gets to an age where they don't *really* worry about their balls. But, as a man in spitting distance of retirement, I promise you, a 40 mph wrister to the nuts is just as nauseatingly horrible in middle age as it was at age 12. #beerleague #hockey #ow #thankfullyiamdonemakingbabies

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

I just heard a liberal podcaster pronounce the word salve as solve, and now I need to go buy a MAGA hat.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Is this waiter flirting with me because they just handed me a piece of paper that says ME N U

submitted 5 days ago • 12 comments

This eulogy is going to be remembered.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

New York: Never sleeps. York: Takes a melatonin and goes to bed at 8.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

The stress of letting someone scroll through the photos on my phone is unbearable. If you flip past the pics of my cock, I screen capped a recipe for cake pops.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

Me: …and as you can see, I have no need for ED pills. Her: Aren’t you being a bit premature? Me: … Her: … Me: *reaching for some tissue*

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

I don’t know if it’s because I’m more observant than other people, but I’ve always been able to spot a pretty woman, even if she’s wearing glasses.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

If you're ever in a sexy accident, try to go limp

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

how romantic!

submitted 7 days ago • 3 comments

I don’t think any other sport manages what hockey does at things like Four Nations or the Olympics. An All-Star game where the players are trying.

submitted 7 days ago • 1 comment

I’ve hit that age where I’m fine if you leave Da Noise and Da Dunk outside.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Sorry for the light-saber noises. But in my defense, it was a glow-in-the-dark condom.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

Today, if you don’t have anyone special, I hope you have the courage to go out and get some strange.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

Banksy rival whose medium is Xerox machines - Buttsy

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

Marriage is like friends with benefits, without the friends. Or the benefits.

submitted 10 days ago • 3 comments

If this van is a-rockin’… it’s probably me just jumping around, because I do not have the game for auto-boning.

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

No man with enormous balls would rush headlong into danger sporting such vulnerable targets up front. True reckless courage comes from the man with tiny testicles. Follow me!

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments