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emeryemeryii.bsky.social
I'm a filmmaker and stand-up comedian. I'm known for "The Aristocrats" "Science Friction" and dirty jokes.
31 posts 21 followers 2 following
Regular Contributor
Posts 29 Comments 2

Wouldn't it be nice if in the United States everybody agreed one night per year, every light would be turned off so we could see the sky in its natural state? This idea came to me after watching Astro Alexandra's TikTok. www.tiktok.com/t/ZT2GKhSVB/

submitted 18 days ago • 0 comments

Can someone please explain this post to me?

submitted 42 days ago • 1 comment

First they came for the leftists, and I spoke out— then they arrested and killed me.

submitted 53 days ago • 0 comments

The definition of insanity is believing an example is a definition. In fact, if you think the previous sentence is a definition, I'm sorry, you are insane.

submitted 68 days ago • 0 comments

Do you know what's insane? Believing an example is a definition.

submitted 68 days ago • 0 comments

Wouldn't a zombie apocalypse be perfect right about now?

submitted 69 days ago • 0 comments

I waited nearly 2 years to post this. Now everyone is going to say "too late".

submitted 76 days ago • 0 comments

Our government did this.

submitted 80 days ago • 0 comments

I'm going to start a band called "For Lease". Just think of all the free advertising.

submitted 83 days ago • 0 comments

Why don't they make the entire house out of chimney material?

submitted 86 days ago • 0 comments

Luigi Mangione should be sentenced to American healthcare without the possibility of appeal.

submitted 87 days ago • 0 comments

I wonder if the homeless are watching all this and thinking, "We sure picked the right time to not have a house"

submitted 87 days ago • 0 comments

If Trump deports 20 million illegals, who’s going to rebuild Los Angles?

submitted 88 days ago • 0 comments

To all my friends and family who are worried about me. God is watching out for me because he made me too poor to live anywhere near the wildfires.

submitted 91 days ago • 0 comments

I guess if you're gonna eat the rich first, you have to cook the rich.

submitted 91 days ago • 0 comments

My memory is so bad I often forget how bad my memory is.

submitted 94 days ago • 0 comments

I'm just gonna say it, Chris Hanson has a hard on for pedophiles.

submitted 94 days ago • 0 comments

Why is my brain always trying to make me fat?

submitted 100 days ago • 0 comments

I have never broken a New Year's resolution. When I was 13, I made my first and only New Year's resolution to never make another New Year's resolution.

submitted 101 days ago • 0 comments

Is there anyone wrestling with imposter syndrome who actually is an impostor?

submitted 109 days ago • 0 comments

Not you, Magic Johnson.

submitted 112 days ago • 0 comments

The one time I met an incel, I made the embarrassing mistake of saying, "It's fine, you do you".

submitted 118 days ago • 0 comments

Tomorrow, Thursday night at the Improv if you'd like to see me do some comedy joke words. improv.com/hollywood/ev...

submitted 118 days ago • 0 comments

file:///var/mobile/Library/SMS/Attachments/74/04/7CD9E68B-45FD-4A11-BF47-A34C82BD6783/EMERY%20EMERY%201212.png

submitted 120 days ago • 0 comments

In fifth grade, our homeroom teacher told us to write on a piece of paper what we wanted to be when we grew up. I wrote CEO of the largest American insurance provider. Today I took that piece of paper off the fridge and threw it away.

submitted 123 days ago • 1 comment

Listen, I know this is an unpopular opinion, but I think it's a bit too early to be talking about gun control.

submitted 124 days ago • 0 comments

I'm pretty sure the Board of Directors at anthem insurance are trying to get rid of their CEO with this announcement declaring they aren't going to pay for anesthesia for surgeries that run longer than the insurance company think it should.

submitted 125 days ago • 0 comments

The jokes about the insurance CEO assassinated in New York tell you everything you need to know about healthcare in the ShortSighted States of America.

submitted 126 days ago • 0 comments

No more baby spines in doctor's offices.

submitted 146 days ago • 0 comments