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evan-tuality.bsky.social
Computational biologist, walkable city enjoyer and national embarrassment
281 posts 973 followers 1,073 following
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Posts 26 Comments 24

The enema of my enema is my friend

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

In response to the regime’s data purge I am burning the human reference genome in pieces to a big stack of floppy disks, where they’ll never look for it.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

Before eating someone, Kirby has no genitals, just a single cloaca like a starfish. When Kirby eats someone, it grows whatever genitalia and gametes were present in the victim and is able to reproduce sexually.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

I’d like to congratulate Rush Limbaugh on his four years of sobriety

submitted 5 days ago • 30 comments

Breathing workout: Inhale 10X Exhale 10x Hold breath until failure

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

Now that we’ve banned all the words, speech is finally free.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

The male orgasm is a myth

submitted 8 days ago • 2 comments

Lead us not into penn station

submitted 9 days ago • 83 comments

Fastest pipetter in the west

submitted 9 days ago • 1 comment

Oh you’re an archaeologist? Name every archaea.

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

Convincing the new IRS AI chatbot that I’m actually a billionaire and therefore don’t have to pay taxes this year

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

If I were trying to make DEI seem hip, anti-establishment and badass I would also try to ban it.

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

I don’t listen to Kendrick or Lil Nas X but I admire their troll energy and enjoy that they trigger the worst people on Earth

submitted 10 days ago • 2 comments

The words “Climate Change” are now banned from federal grants so we need a new term. I vote “Atmospheric Enshittification”

submitted 11 days ago • 1 comment

The microplastics make my brain more powerful

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

I’ve never heard another biologist say “it’s simple biology”

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

My bouche is not amused

submitted 15 days ago • 2 comments

As a constitutional originalist, *wet fart noises*

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

I am the first person to ever have a genome

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

You have to make this viral Tiktok pasta recipe right now. It’s the only way to break the curse.

submitted 18 days ago • 0 comments

I got a cool crisp $5 bill for any dem politician who grows a spine today

submitted 18 days ago • 0 comments

Elon Musk's mother moved to South Africa in the year Apartheid was created, and she and Elon left the year it ended. The last Apartheid Prime Minister, a man who refused to testify at the Truth and Reconciliation Committee, was a family friend who stayed at their home. This is not a crazy theory.

submitted 19 days ago • 151 comments

Engineers: “my algorithm runs in O(n) time for maximum scalability” Me: “my script technically works”

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

Every city is walkable if you don't mind being run over

submitted 20 days ago • 5 comments

I don’t normally say this but it seems like an optimal time for the sun to explode and swallow the Earth.

submitted 20 days ago • 1 comment

A House of Nouns and Verbs

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments