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fartpimp.bsky.social
on track to become the first illiterate to pass the bar exam
20 posts 38 followers 66 following
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Posts 15 Comments 17

This is what I think in my head upon reading maybe fifty percent of the stupid opinions I see online

submitted 10 days ago • 19 comments

if i had a therapist i bet they'd advise me not to put a lot of self esteem into winning this chili contest but since i don't i have to win it or die trying

submitted 22 days ago • 42 comments

I bet doom scroll meant something way cooler in the middle ages.

submitted 24 days ago • 154 comments

Beans are lowkey the move when... wh- Ah fuck. What's the fucking point anymore. (Angel on shoulder) You must post! People need humor now more than ever! (Devil on other shoulder) They're depending on you my little soldier. Be. Strong. (Me brimming with a warm confidence) when Farting is the vibe

submitted 23 days ago • 1 comment

crop dusting my enemies, people who form large groups in hallways

submitted 44 days ago • 0 comments

somebody should really do something about all this shit in my pants

submitted 45 days ago • 16 comments

MAYOR: With the celebratory chili feast complete, our honored guest shall divine the location for our new village well! ME: (gradually realizing I accidentally grabbed the dowsing rod that points to guys who are about to shit their own pants) The spirits are saying this actually isn’t a good time

submitted 312 days ago • 3 comments

submitted 47 days ago • 19 comments

Bristol stool chart fancam

submitted 55 days ago • 0 comments

Idiot child stupid ass whose parents never loved him and smells like shit all the time moron: yeah I just think one space after a period is enough

submitted 70 days ago • 10 comments

The CEO of UnitedHealthcare was reportedly shot and killed in Midtown “The shooting is being investigated as a possibly targeted hit, sources said.”

submitted 88 days ago • 591 comments

The presidents on money look broke as fuck. They should be holding money.

submitted 91 days ago • 0 comments

let's roleplay i'll be james joyce and you eat this pot full of beans

submitted 94 days ago • 6 comments

city put out lead exposure notices. now I can blame the water for making me dumber and can go back to doing as many poppers as I want

submitted 99 days ago • 0 comments

if there were no downsides, I think it would be fun to get really into poppers again

submitted 101 days ago • 0 comments