Profile avatar
ficklenuts.bsky.social
Same Jess, different app. Cat herder. Apathy enthusiast. The universe’s 69th favorite shitposter.
384 posts 1,768 followers 693 following
Prolific Poster
Posts 41 Comments 9

I want to live the life I provide to my cats

submitted 5 hours ago • 10 comments

I saw a stick this morning that for a split second made me believe I could be a wizard

submitted 2 hours ago • 6 comments

Who up flogging their molly

submitted 23 hours ago • 19 comments

it’s a matter of life and death and to be honest, it’s not looking good for life at all

submitted 8 hours ago • 0 comments

we were dissatisfied with the lack of realism in sex games out there, which lead to developing our own, wherein at least half of your sexual encounters will have an episode of Family Guy or American Dad playing in the background that neither of you are paying attention to, but will also not turn off

submitted 7 hours ago • 30 comments

submitted 14 hours ago • 0 comments

Shaved my boobs and elbows, now I'm ready for a night on the town!

submitted 5 hours ago • 1 comment

submitted 5 hours ago • 1 comment

submitted 15 hours ago • 14 comments

My awful neighbor is mad that I named my dogs after her ex-husbands

submitted 5 hours ago • 0 comments

Reminiscing about grandma's "sick fuck" knuckle tattoos

submitted 12 hours ago • 1 comment

I don’t really care if you follow me as long as you feel bad for not following me

submitted 5 hours ago • 6 comments

pine cones are natures butt plugs

submitted 10 hours ago • 6 comments

I drink soap to keep my insides clean

submitted 1 day ago • 5 comments

Find a partner that lets you take glamour shots of their butthole.

submitted 10 hours ago • 2 comments

them: "How are you?" me: "Oh, you know, living the dream!" also me: [quickly wanders away before they realize that I'm talking about the dream where I'm generally unprepared for everything ever]

submitted 10 hours ago • 3 comments

I wish I could text my cats while I’m at work so I can tell them I miss them. I’m pretty sure I’d be more excited about doing my safety inspections at work if I got to have Potato Creature ride around on my shoulders like she does when I do chores at home.

submitted 10 hours ago • 0 comments

my carpet is beige & my drapes are ecru, in answer to your question

submitted 12 hours ago • 3 comments

I can’t think of anyone I’d rather drive off a cliff with than you.

submitted 12 hours ago • 5 comments

To catch chlamydia, you have to think like chlamydia

submitted 11 hours ago • 3 comments

Luigi Mangione STUNS in bulletproof vest!

submitted 1 day ago • 41 comments

Sorry I said, "Here comes the airplane," during fellatio.

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

electric feel by MGMT but it's these shooting pains from sciatica

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

I couldn't be a realtor, I'd be showing a house like "yeah I can't believe they're asking 1.6 milly for this dump, it's offensive, we should burn it down and leave, what do you think?"

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

I wonder how much random stuff I can add to the purchase request list before my manager says something

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Might fuck around and disappear and see who notices

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

My parents would never praise me for my accomplishments. I completely reassembled the chicken inside the KFC bucket, but all they would tell me is to stop playing with my food.

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

I’ve been accused of being a cat multiple times in the past 12 hours, so I must be doing something right

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

i don’t need to do lists or life hacks i need dopamine injected straight into my brain

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

Beast mode but the beast is a capybara

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

submitted 2 days ago • 3 comments

Paid a mime fifty bucks to follow me around all day and make the jerkoff motion every time I talk.

submitted 1 day ago • 11 comments

pepperidge farm remembers

submitted 2 days ago • 25 comments

what if just once my bed went to me

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

Shooting myself out of a cannon into bed

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

Maybe I would feel better if i bite someone

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

submitted 1 day ago • 44 comments

i don’t trust anything anyone says bc i’ve been considered “highly intelligent” my entire life and i’m the stupidest person i know

submitted 2 days ago • 19 comments

drugs have taken too many beloved celebrities from us over the years but drugs also have a rare chance right now to radically rehabilitate their image

submitted 2 days ago • 144 comments

Why don’t we have savoury bath bombs yet?? Like chicken noodle soup me already!

submitted 2 days ago • 13 comments

me and my new followers

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments