fireland.com - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

if you think norman reedus will ever take a shower…….think again brother

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

mist me like one of your grocery store cucumbers

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

A NICE HOUR: I went to the barber shop where I successfully (I think) convinced my barber I was more knowledgeable about 90s R&B than I actually am, then I went to the ice cream place next door and picked up a couple paletas, one strawberry and one mango chamoy.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

if you want to get the bosoms heaving just crack open your velcro wallet and let that distinctive skritchhh ring out

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

MY PROMISE TO YOU: My novel is 80,000 words and not one of them is “smirk”

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

So I’m eating two corndogs at the state fair and this guy shoves a bass at me and storms off and long story short I’m in Styx now.

submitted 8 days ago • 1 comment

You say there hasn’t been bread innovation in hundreds of years? Ciabatta was invented in 1982! They were probably listening to Tainted Love by Soft Cell!

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

i’m sorry but in the old days there was a little something called craftsmanship, ok? if you wanted a numbered list of bullshit facts then you made it with your own two hands, you didn’t go crying to some robit

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

hey guys, any recs for cool apps to help me boost productivity, minimize distractions, stay in the flow? i hate to have even a second of downtime! is there a way to just install a cop on my computer?? what prompt should i use to get chatgpt to discipline me the way i deserve???

submitted 10 days ago • 2 comments

anyone else rub this on their gums back in the day

submitted 14 days ago • 2 comments

HER: well? do you have anything to say for yourself? MY BRAIN: [endless loop of bez from happy mondays shaking his maracas]

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

Here’s “Flamethrower” if you want to start a party in your bathing suit area. (For whatever reason, my favorite songs as a little kid were about bad ladies going out on the town and making trouble. See also: “Big Shot” by Billy Joel.) youtu.be/LEphx0mBRas?...

submitted 15 days ago • 1 comment

movie reviews are always like “but then geoffrey and estelle must make a difficult decision” cmon that’s jason statham and bo derek we can’t be bothered to know their made up names

submitted 16 days ago • 1 comment

in my day if we wanted to “stream” a new album we had to put a cassette on a little paper boat and send it down a river and hope someone would listen to it :-) it was so god damn stupid

submitted 16 days ago • 1 comment

1998: My friend leaves a message on my answering machine. He just does the “boom na da nooom na nanema” part of Korn’s “Freak on a Leash” then hangs up.

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

1997: My friend leaves a message on my answering machine asking if I want to go see a movie. He just whispers “Anaconda…..hisssssss” then hangs up.

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

RT @fireland The day I sell out is the day I stop sticking my dick in the tangy zip of Miracle Whip® with half the fat of mayonnaise.

submitted 5656 days ago • 0 comments

You know those videos where they cut a sandwich in half and then split it open and show you the insides real close up? Yeah that’s grosser and more disturbing than the French horror movie MARTYRS (2008)

submitted 23 days ago • 1 comment

video games 1985: press A to make the plumber jump video games 2025: press A to comfort the plumber as he contemplates the nature of grief and memory

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments

Years ago my wife got this beauty signed and framed for me, now I gaze upon it every day.

submitted 24 days ago • 2 comments

Before social media, you just had to whisper your stupid shit in someone’s ear then say “pass it on.” Luckily people had no choice but to pass it on, that was not something you could refuse to do.

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments

My daily wellness routine is uhhh a little EXTREME lol! I start every morning with a bowl of jagged shards made of milling byproduct, punctuated with dehydrated vine berries, soaked in mammary juice!!!

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

1994: My girlfriend’s phone number was JAY-LENO. I tried to rent a movie at Blockbuster using her account but didn’t have the card so the clerk asked for her phone number but I didn’t know the actual numbers so I just kept saying “It’s JAY LENO! JAY! LENO!” until I was escorted out.

submitted 26 days ago • 1 comment

I appreciate it when someone describes a movie as “solid,” I love things that are solid, solid is definitely one of my top four states of matter

submitted 27 days ago • 1 comment

I just learned that in the early days of Peanuts, Lucy—and only Lucy—had whites around her eyes. Really gives the strip some wild intensity every time she shows up.

submitted 28 days ago • 3 comments

just finished my stevie nicks / joanna newsom mashup let’s give it a spin [a mist rises] [a naiad appears] [my hair flows like an ancient river]

submitted 28 days ago • 0 comments

Forget about the band for a second and just think about what a rad movie title this would be: INDIANA JONES AND THE STONE TEMPLE PILOTS

submitted 29 days ago • 3 comments

It doesn’t get a lot of use these days, but when someone needed to charge their iPod back in 2002, the FireWire port I had installed in my coccyx was quite the spicy icebreaker!

submitted 29 days ago • 1 comment

I went into the Mystery Spot in 1991 and when I came back out the world was…….like this. Sorry everyone.

submitted 30 days ago • 0 comments

Today I baked an absolutely gorgeous lemon blueberry sourdough bread. It tasted like nothing, like less than nothing. It somehow subtracted flavor from its surroundings. I personally zested a lemon for this. What a god damn fool.

submitted 31 days ago • 7 comments

JOHN BOUNCE: i invented a little sheet to put in the dryer AMERICA: what’s it do JB: it’ll help with, like, static cling A: how often do i put it in there JB: every time! sheesh what’s with the third degree here A: can i reuse it JB: no! it works once! keep buying new ones! forever! A: ok

submitted 31 days ago • 0 comments

I just think society would be in a much better place today if Bret Michaels ran SNL and Lorne Michaels ran Poison.

submitted 33 days ago • 0 comments

Self care protip: Set up your phone so every time you get a notification it plays the entirety of Sleep’s Dopesmoker.

submitted 36 days ago • 0 comments

[posts 1,000,000th post] this is gonna be the one, i can feel it [gets zero likes] just give it time man [the mournful wail of a dying coyote off in the distance] ride it out brother you got this [computer collapses into itself like the house at the end of Poltergeist]

submitted 36 days ago • 0 comments

Oh I’m sorry, you need to “blow off some steam”?? My people keep their steam completely unblown until they die of a steam-related aneurysm. You’re welcome!

submitted 37 days ago • 0 comments