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fivethirds.net
Dad. Scientist in hiding. Connoisseur of memes and existential dread.
17 posts 1,254 followers 370 following
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Posts 11 Comments 6

my 8yo made pancakes and told us he would be in charge of plating. #pancakemountain

submitted 13 hours ago • 1 comment

the biggest worry isn’t that they’ll find a link, because they won’t. it’s that people will hear this and refuse vaccinations for their children out of fear because “did you hear CDC thinks autism might be linked with vaccines”.

submitted 14 hours ago • 1 comment

🐱 👅

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

i think a better path would be to stop sending unnecessary emails to already fearful employees, especially when the messages are mostly tantamount to rearranging chairs on the deck of the titanic. I don’t think this has ever happened: me: <stressed> email: try not to stress. me: oh ok. i’m healed.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

putting work email through the ol’ translator: While we acknowledge that your colleagues got screwed and their lives upended, we all must remain committed to pretending otherwise. Also, you may want to download backup employment documents for no reason at all just because. oh, here’s therapy info.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

ADHD after increase in med dose: Wooo! LFG through the roof! Depression: Whoa there buddy, sit your ass down! Anxiety: What is happening?!?!

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

i think about men who are no longer constrained by family—a rebellion for all the times toys were denied because the family unit had to prioritize itself over their wants. they can’t see society as community and would rather it all burn than be denied their toys now, whether guns, flying cars, etc.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

my stepdaughters introduced me to doechii when she won best rap album this year. they’re great and this new single is pretty apt.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

a beautiful aspect of the symbioses between human aging and technology is that i can send myself a link to remember later and then immediately exclaim, “who the fuck is texting me now?”

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

happy birthday to my oldest. his wit is quick, but never unkind. his intelligence and curiosity are only surpassed by his gentle heart. i learn a lot from him about empathy and conviction of values. he gave me my favorite job title. i am sustained by his two simple words—“hey dad”. and i love him so

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

happy birthday to my youngest. his laughter can reignite the most dormant heart, holding his hand can silence the loud world, and his whispered i-love-yous can give strength unbound. he inspires with his confidence to know and be who he is. and i love him so.

submitted 34 days ago • 0 comments