garypetersonusa.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

With his mighty chainsaw, Elon knows how to both slash the budget and impress the ladies.

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

President Trump is even taking my son out for Filet-o-Fish day at McDonald’s, because he knows how to keep us fed during Trumpflation, much like Christ feeding the masses with his own fish and bread.

submitted 10 days ago • 7 comments

Last night’s Super Bowl was a victory for the Eagles and President Trump.

submitted 12 days ago • 3 comments

Education is saved, as Golden Books gave us the Tim Pool biography the kids are demanding.

submitted 12 days ago • 3 comments

Tomi Kahren bravely speaks to management about why there’s black products during Black History Month.

submitted 13 days ago • 1 comment

We’ve decided to give “the Hollywood deep state caused Kanye to sabotage himself” a shot.

submitted 14 days ago • 12 comments

Gone are the dark days of sneaking plastic straws in my ass and living in fear of being caught by movie theater management.

submitted 15 days ago • 5 comments

The National Prayer Breakfast is where our modern messiahs come together to be served by OG Christ himself, who President Trump graciously tipped 2 dollars for the heavenly service.

submitted 16 days ago • 6 comments

Dinesh’s knowledge of gay bathhouses and bars is peak Straightriotism.

submitted 18 days ago • 3 comments

Um, spoiler alert.

submitted 19 days ago • 3 comments

Today we celebrate the anniversary of Groundhog Day, a movie so good it invented an entire holiday, yet wokesters continue to prove they know nothing of cinema and small town traditions by making everything political and ignoring the advancements it made in weather predictions.

submitted 20 days ago • 5 comments

Obviously another win for President Trump, as his tariffs have boosted the economy like season 10 of The Apprentice.

submitted 22 days ago • 6 comments

Megyn demands to see the Netflix manager the second Charles takes the kids to a black Santa.

submitted 23 days ago • 5 comments

Now that we can’t blame DEI, we’ve decided to give “cuz vaccines” a try.

submitted 23 days ago • 3 comments

Kash Patel has earned his spot in DC after he loved my Born to Ride President Trump shirt, proving he’s ready to strap himself in and let daddy do the steering.

submitted 23 days ago • 6 comments

Good, we’ve been waiting for our overnight plane crash experts to weigh in.

submitted 23 days ago • 3 comments

Only true friends like Clarence Thomas and Mike Lindell can get away with a fun game of “surprise, I ain’t your wife!”

submitted 29 days ago • 13 comments

What a fun and stable way to watch a tv series.

submitted 29 days ago • 7 comments

Even the gays are on Team Trump, as they’re making sure Lara Trump looks her absolute best before her new concert.

submitted 30 days ago • 7 comments

Judge Dredd D’Souza is hitting back at the lawless wokesters who arrested his favorite criminals.

submitted 30 days ago • 6 comments

While Wicked may have a shot at the #Oscars, Tim Pool is here to warn his fellow Timcels of the film's shocking inaccuracies.

submitted 30 days ago • 57 comments

Catturd will get that blockage taken care of, he just gets a little excited when his new cutouts come in the mail.

submitted 31 days ago • 4 comments

After an excellent $300 deal with 5% off shipping, my inaugural bottle of Trump Wine has finally come in the mail, so tonight we’re all drinking fiscally responsibly!

submitted 31 days ago • 5 comments

Our Ivanka looks fabulous while waiting patiently for dad’s breakfast order.

submitted 32 days ago • 5 comments

With day 1 over, President Trump and Barron leave to rest up so he can simultaneously lead our nation and train the boy to be our noble future King, much like King Arthur wielding the mighty sword of Excelsior.

submitted 32 days ago • 3 comments

Melania has topped herself with her latest fashion trend.

submitted 33 days ago • 5 comments

Despite a spontaneous shart from the inauguration crab dip, Elon keeps his composure during our king’s greetings.

submitted 33 days ago • 4 comments

Inauguration Day is the biggest crowd yet for our church band Shifty Nelson & The Dixieland Scooters, as our hit new anthem #DiaperStrong commemorates the return of our Daddy Trump, ready to clean out America’s swampy asses.

submitted 33 days ago • 4 comments

Matt Walsh’s penis has never been more confused.

submitted 34 days ago • 3 comments

Before it arrives at the Trump Library, my beautiful President Trump bronze statue will be on an 18 state tour, free for all to come worship at a small affordable price.

submitted 34 days ago • 7 comments

I spent my life savings to witness our Daddy Trump’s inauguration, and even bought a new set of diapers, but now that it’s been moved indoors, I’m out all of my money and everyone’s going to think I look foolish!

submitted 35 days ago • 7 comments

Sorry woke Hollywood, but Jon Voight is here to get asses back in seats and save the theater business.

submitted 36 days ago • 1 comment

Inauguration Day fulfills the prophecy that President Trump has always been the caretaker.

submitted 36 days ago • 2 comments

Charlie Kirk knows that peak Straightriotism is welcoming daddy home with a smile.

submitted 36 days ago • 10 comments

With Kevin Sorbo as one of President Trump's Special Ambassadors to Hollywood, movies are about to be great again.

submitted 37 days ago • 7 comments

Now the woke FDA wants to ban Red 3, despite Merthiolate being Christ’s chosen form to heal children’s scrapes.

submitted 37 days ago • 3 comments

Poor Kevin Sorbo realizes he’s been insulted by Mark Twain and logs off forever.

submitted 38 days ago • 3 comments

Even the CEO of Coca Cola is on board the Trump Train, as he’s gifted our nation’s king with an inaugural bottle of Tab Clear.

submitted 38 days ago • 4 comments

Always the jokester, after being sentenced to “unconditional discharge,” President Trump assumes that means shitting his court diapers one more time for the road. He is one of us. #LawAndOrderParty

submitted 43 days ago • 3 comments