geoffyclassic.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

“Quin-whaaaa?!” I exclaim, having never been healthy enough to understand the purpose of quinoa (high in fiber and protein duh) before the age of 37.

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

it's time to pull out the big guns

submitted 17 days ago • 3 comments

… and for my next trick, I will reveal ten flaws per compliment.

submitted 17 days ago • 8 comments

just a bunch of fish, swimming in a bucket of farts

submitted 17 days ago • 4 comments

Squid Game, but with the Trump Administration.

submitted 17 days ago • 0 comments

Okie doke is my passive aggressive way of calling you a cunt.

submitted 23 days ago • 10 comments

nervously peers at the growing list of death metal tracks Spotify recommends haha no my mental health is great i promise

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

You know you’re getting old when you simply forget to log in to social media.

submitted 29 days ago • 1 comment

I was having a really bad day at work until I remembered I’m an astrologist; everything bad in my life is that bitch Gemini’s fault.

submitted 36 days ago • 0 comments

It is my sworn oath as a midwestern dad to wear shorts as soon as the temperature rises 1 degree above freezing. Today, I have fulfilled my oath.

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

"nobody crosses their fingers for luck anymore" - nobody has hope anymore more like

submitted 43 days ago • 0 comments

just went on a date for the first time in 15 years, and her name is Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Whiskey she really understands me, it’s wild

submitted 44 days ago • 0 comments

What if our buttholes are portals to other worlds and that’s why people keep trying to stick things in there?

submitted 45 days ago • 66 comments

don’t you wish your boyfriend was hot like me? gestures to eyebrow sweat, underarm sweat, and 103 degree body temperature

submitted 45 days ago • 1 comment

logging on: actually it’s hawn solow

submitted 46 days ago • 1 comment

Your honor, my client had the zoomies

submitted 45 days ago • 4 comments

There was an awful fight at the seafood restaurant. Four fish got battered

submitted 45 days ago • 2 comments

Thinking that people from the past couldn't handle baja blast is wrong of course, but it is true that someone from the 2300s would be rendered catatonic by it

submitted 45 days ago • 0 comments

CAPTCHA for billionaires: "click on the pictures containing compassion"

submitted 45 days ago • 1 comment

My therapist: Have you been social over the last few weeks? Me: Oh yeah, I totally crave human interaction. For hours, man. Maybe dozens of hours. being left completely alone to enjoy music that speaks to my soul

submitted 78 days ago • 0 comments

Roses are red Violets are blue The government is going to shut down Sucks to suck, America

submitted 81 days ago • 0 comments

Statements like “despite what you heard” make me not want to listen

submitted 91 days ago • 0 comments

The final straw was learning about a Arab legend about razing Constantinople. A man called the Muadi was going to lead the people to a glorious future. Ive had many coincidental signs but that was almost hilariously on the nose. Im reading Dune again.

submitted 91 days ago • 0 comments

Friends make friends cheesy garlic bread.

submitted 91 days ago • 3 comments

me: [passes a cop] me: [flashes my brights to warn the oncoming car of said cop] oncoming car: [is undercover cop, oh shit oh fuck]

submitted 92 days ago • 1 comment

I am like pulling a ‘common’ rarity in someone’s starter pack

submitted 93 days ago • 2 comments

you can tell how angry I am by volume of typos

submitted 92 days ago • 4 comments

I’m sorry, but that is fucking epic

submitted 92 days ago • 0 comments

Light breakfast, sensible lunch, chilled goblet of bacon fat for dinner

submitted 92 days ago • 0 comments

The zoologist in my research group kept explaining why great tits are non-migratory. I was summarily removed after giggling for 18 straight minutes.

submitted 92 days ago • 0 comments

Nothing like a 3 day hospital stay to make you understand how completely unfair life can be.

submitted 94 days ago • 1 comment

“Quin-whaaaa?!” I exclaim, having never been healthy enough to understand the purpose of quinoa (high in fiber and protein duh) before the age of 37.

it's time to pull out the big guns

… and for my next trick, I will reveal ten flaws per compliment.

just a bunch of fish, swimming in a bucket of farts

Squid Game, but with the Trump Administration.

Okie doke is my passive aggressive way of calling you a cunt.

nervously peers at the growing list of death metal tracks Spotify recommends haha no my mental health is great i promise

You know you’re getting old when you simply forget to log in to social media.

I was having a really bad day at work until I remembered I’m an astrologist; everything bad in my life is that bitch Gemini’s fault.

It is my sworn oath as a midwestern dad to wear shorts as soon as the temperature rises 1 degree above freezing. Today, I have fulfilled my oath.

"nobody crosses their fingers for luck anymore" - nobody has hope anymore more like

just went on a date for the first time in 15 years, and her name is Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Whiskey she really understands me, it’s wild

What if our buttholes are portals to other worlds and that’s why people keep trying to stick things in there?

don’t you wish your boyfriend was hot like me? gestures to eyebrow sweat, underarm sweat, and 103 degree body temperature

logging on: actually it’s hawn solow

Your honor, my client had the zoomies

There was an awful fight at the seafood restaurant. Four fish got battered

Thinking that people from the past couldn't handle baja blast is wrong of course, but it is true that someone from the 2300s would be rendered catatonic by it

CAPTCHA for billionaires: "click on the pictures containing compassion"

My therapist: Have you been social over the last few weeks? Me: Oh yeah, I totally crave human interaction. For hours, man. Maybe dozens of hours. being left completely alone to enjoy music that speaks to my soul

Roses are red Violets are blue The government is going to shut down Sucks to suck, America

Statements like “despite what you heard” make me not want to listen

The final straw was learning about a Arab legend about razing Constantinople. A man called the Muadi was going to lead the people to a glorious future. Ive had many coincidental signs but that was almost hilariously on the nose. Im reading Dune again.

Friends make friends cheesy garlic bread.

me: [passes a cop] me: [flashes my brights to warn the oncoming car of said cop] oncoming car: [is undercover cop, oh shit oh fuck]

I am like pulling a ‘common’ rarity in someone’s starter pack

you can tell how angry I am by volume of typos

I’m sorry, but that is fucking epic

Light breakfast, sensible lunch, chilled goblet of bacon fat for dinner

The zoologist in my research group kept explaining why great tits are non-migratory. I was summarily removed after giggling for 18 straight minutes.

Nothing like a 3 day hospital stay to make you understand how completely unfair life can be.

Instead of one of those fake fireplace yulelog videos, I'd like to see a compilation of burning Teslas.

The only starter list I want to be on is one that receives forehead kisses.

Gumbo time

Ran a half marathon? Big Deal! I ate a whole pizza. Finish what you start

You know who needed a labor union? Oompa loompas

spock but it's his french cousin Spocques

god dammit emma