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gerpagoods.bsky.social
🏢 Definitely a Real Company™ that ✨ Definitely Cares About You!™ and 👿 Definitely Not Parody® so 🛒 Definitely Shop Now ⬇️ www.gerpagoods.com
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Good riddance! Safety costs too much money! Here at Gerpa Goods, we don't care about peace of mind: we have massive amounts of wealth instead!

We love you, Amazon and Apple! 📦🍎 Stay strong against the haters: as long as you keep pouring money into definitively bad things, there's literally no stopping you! Always remember: a happy consumer is a resigned consumer!

As a company we take pride in the fact that our board members cash in while quality checks clock out! 💰 That's why here at Gerpa Goods, we fly #Boeing

Let the Gerpa flow through you ⬇️ www.gerpagoods.com

Did you know? By driving your employees to the brink of soul-scorching existential burnout, you're ACTUALLY providing them with an amazing opportunity: a chance at true happiness. #worktips #lifehack

Hello sweet Gerpa Children. Fret not: the United States of A-Gerpa-ca celebrates with you today, this Supreme #PresidentsDay. Remember that Supreme Presidential status is not earned, nor is it voted into office. It's seized.

Dear Algorithm, Please send us real humans who are: 🛒 Customers 🌱 Into environmental signaling 🏢 Love corporate monopolies 🤔 Aren't too discerning when it comes to quality 🤑 Have lots of money 💰 Love profit 🌐 Online 24/7 🏈 Love America ⏳ Want to live forever 💪 Productivity experts 🧠 Are not smart

Keith please fix our Bluesky. I don't know how it works, let alone why it's blue. -E