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goatsofdoom.bsky.social
Misanthropic Minon of the Mundane
1,644 posts 1,577 followers 465 following
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but that’s my emotional support unhinged reply guy

I have a recurring nightmare in which I post dumb jokes to distract myself from the terror of being alive

I shaved my back for this??

You’re trying to get a foot in the door. I have one foot out the door. I guess no one is getting in or out of this convenience store.

Remember when we didn't have to worry about Civil War II or WWIII, before stupid, ignorant, delusional, and in many cases, evil people "voted in" the current administration? Good times.

You’ll be too young to remember, but there was a time when you could wake up as many as three mornings in a row and not find the world had lost its fucking mind.

If I make it though the next 8 hours, it's a three day weekend for me. But still, the horrors persist.

Yes FB / AI, tell us what time kick off is. At the softball game.

the "fuck you" in "have a great day" is silent

The ancient Sumerians never would've invented writing if they knew you people would use it to text each other filth such as "Your ass is out of this world"

Give me your Shitposters, your Thirst Trappers, your huddled Clown Girls yearning to breathe free

If anyone’s looking for a Canadian green card husband, hit me up. I’m basically sexless, have two cute doggies, and I do most of my crying in the car. Weirdos only.

I am become Death, destroyer of format jokes.

"I just can't quit you" I say dramatically, walking into work

i go both ways (feral and unhinged)

What’s a little reposting between friends?

la croix drinkers only want one thing and it's their money back

If you learn anything about these times we are living in: 1) love your kids (tell them) 2) love your friends (tell them) 3) love your person (tell them)

I didn't realize it when I bought it, but this shirt is like an explosion of salmon, orange sherbet, and the sun. Do not look upon me directly!

You guys seem tense.

Post a ten year old picture of yourself.

The Wall Street Journal had better make room on the shelf for another Pulitzer.

Hey little thing, let me light your candle cos mama it's kind of dark in here.

It's raining and the ducks...the ducks seem to be starting a mosh pit.

Frolicking Ms Daisy

I Don’t Understand A Biography

support the troops!! by misusing them performatively and making them sleep on the ground in their own country

*Willhelm screams during sex*

me: may i have one vitamin vitamin bottle: how about nine me: just one please vitamin bottle: eleven it is!

(with perfect enunciation) argh

The ducks were waiting for me. Again. I disappointed the ducks. Again.

Why do we* even bother? *I

When I was a kid people said I was "gifted" and then when I was a teenager they were like "why are you wasting your gift" and now I think they're just happy I wear pants

Me: Please be nice. I'm doing my best Friend: Shit, this is your best? I'm so sorry. I had no idea

When im Supreme ruler of the universe, I'm banning Starbucks. Okay, maybe not, but, no more drive-thrus or shared parking lots. Only the chucklefucks who go there should be inconvenienced by the chucklefucks who go there.

(Extreme Al Pacino in THE DEVIL'S ADVOCATE voice) Oh, I have so many names...

Come into the light

How much do you think it'd cost to get a hypnotist to put you under, find all those jokes you came up with but forgot to post and schedule them...?

Okay, yes, I play a grouchy, unfriendly person on here, but I'm actually a pussycat. A mangy, feral, rabid, tick-infested, fully-clawed, and grudge-holding, pussycat.

FB chiming in on a meme...

Hall & Oat

I don’t need a hobby. Thinking about taking something for my headache but never actually taking anything keeps me pretty busy