Profile avatar
gregreckons.bsky.social
I think I speak for everyone here when I say that I shouldn't be allowed to speak for anyone here. Spent Skeets => https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:oykbfxdodldns6qsln3hgfy6/feed/aaabk7antswn2
1,041 posts 3,420 followers 497 following
Prolific Poster
Posts 47 Comments 1

I’m concerned my 401K is really a Wile E. Coyote style fake painting of my savings.

submitted 42 days ago • 4 comments

My white underwear has a bunch of green stains on it does that count for St Patrick Day?

submitted 42 days ago • 2 comments

Sorry i'm late, just not into it, you see

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

my eyes are green so fuck off

submitted 42 days ago • 5 comments

Vodka and French fries are the true way to celebrate my people today.

submitted 42 days ago • 2 comments

Kiss me. I'm braless.

submitted 42 days ago • 3 comments

A group of people fucking around online on a Monday morning is called an American Workforce.

submitted 63 days ago • 0 comments

- It's obviously a dorsal fin. Did you really need ME to tell you that? - Well, doctor, I didn't have it yesterday.

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

Eating wasabi peas and crying at my desk

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

I would, but I don’t have the energy to open my heavy crypt door today.

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

Happy American St. Patrick’s

submitted 42 days ago • 6 comments

the morning alarm is the biggest betrayal

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

I have an eidiotic memory

submitted 42 days ago • 1 comment

[on cloud 10] me: wow this sucks. the last one was way better.

submitted 43 days ago • 5 comments

We don’t care what is happening on that hellsite, let it go.

submitted 43 days ago • 10 comments

Pretending to be normal is fucking exhausting

submitted 43 days ago • 10 comments

does staring at my phone count as a hobby?

submitted 43 days ago • 1 comment

Stick with me and we’ll be first to the bathroom at intermission.

submitted 43 days ago • 4 comments

this stock photo of a hot mental patient is making me sign up for online therapy

submitted 43 days ago • 1 comment

butthole skeeting >>> politics skeeting

submitted 42 days ago • 3 comments

Don’t worry about me. I’m just walking around like a lopsided pancake.

submitted 42 days ago • 1 comment

[dinner party host] ugh this wine is piss [me, a kinky boy] oh wow okay i could use a top up

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

Apparently Golden Grahams aren't even made with real gold‽

submitted 42 days ago • 2 comments

Adults: I believe the children are our future Children: (seeing the future) Hard pass.

submitted 42 days ago • 2 comments

Call me old fashioned but I never skip the intro on the 1st episode.

submitted 43 days ago • 15 comments

me: my skeets are complete garbage reply guy: that is offensive to actual garbage

submitted 42 days ago • 1 comment

i put the 'dude' into "dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?"

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

My own version of an extreme sport is making it to the front door before my neighbour talks to me.

submitted 42 days ago • 7 comments

me: (guessing what) it better not be chicken butt i stg

submitted 43 days ago • 0 comments

If it looks haunted, it's haunted.

submitted 43 days ago • 3 comments

Me: *carefully folds the towels and puts them away* Still me: *carefully folds Junior's clothes and puts them all away in his room* Also me: *dumps my clean clothes into a pile next to my bed like a teenage goblin*

submitted 43 days ago • 1 comment

Caught a pretty good fight at the Waffle House last night…or as they call it around here: dinner theater.

submitted 43 days ago • 5 comments

The cat's very smart, but he still hasn't pieced together some basic patterns, like me needing to take the old litter outside before I can top it up with fresh stuff. Honestly, some days I'm not sure how he even got his engineering degree.

submitted 43 days ago • 5 comments

Sorry I thought by threesome you meant you, me and a cheesecake.

submitted 43 days ago • 4 comments

I bet if peanut butter was a person they’d be real attractive.

submitted 43 days ago • 4 comments

Organized Crime is similar to regular crime, but everyone wears matching outfits and arrives precisely on time.

submitted 43 days ago • 3 comments

Kids today have no idea what it was like to have to buy a TV Guide in the store to see what was happening on their favorite shows.

submitted 43 days ago • 0 comments

I have been doing a lot of thinking and damn I wish I could stop.

submitted 43 days ago • 1 comment

On a scale of 1 to Norman Bates, how close are you with your mother?

submitted 43 days ago • 3 comments

You mad because you didn’t finish or because I yelled ‘I win’ when I did?

submitted 43 days ago • 1 comment

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Also, all y'all motherfuckers need to wear some deodorant.

submitted 43 days ago • 2 comments

I motioned for my cat to get off my chest. He remained perfectly still, eyes narrowed, gazing into the distance—contemplating my audacity.

submitted 43 days ago • 1 comment

My goat oracle will no longer make eye contact with me.

submitted 44 days ago • 9 comments

I know this is a major misconception but slugs and snails produce mucus to survive, NOT to be sexy.

submitted 43 days ago • 41 comments

Just because I blocked you doesn’t mean I don’t love you

submitted 43 days ago • 1 comment

I didn’t say I‘m right I said I’m certain.

submitted 43 days ago • 2 comments

If cleanliness is next to godliness, why can't I just take a shower instead of going to church?

submitted 43 days ago • 7 comments