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guytheguy.bsky.social
Keep it on & poppin Church https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaagz72go6z42
1,414 posts 4,940 followers 523 following
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Posts 44 Comments 2

i’m sorry for the way i am but i grew up with an aunt who regularly said things like “wrangler butts drive me nuts”

submitted 6 days ago • 7 comments

After 23 years I'm still excited for my wife to come home from work but mostly because I don't know how to pay the mortgage.

submitted 8 days ago • 8 comments

I’ve always known that it’s not butter. What are you? stupid?

submitted 10 days ago • 6 comments

every cum stain is load-bearing

submitted 10 days ago • 7 comments

idk man, i think i prefer to save neuroplasticity exercises for the second date

submitted 10 days ago • 10 comments

Insurance refusing to cover my scrotal reduction surgery. Balls you can't sit on are human rights.

submitted 10 days ago • 2 comments

I don’t like to explain why it smells like I’ve shit myself but rather leave room for the audience’s own personal interpretation

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

just rolled off the sofa and my labia clapped for me

submitted 10 days ago • 9 comments

frolicked too aggressively around the hills and now the hills are alive eating my lost wallet

submitted 11 days ago • 7 comments

dreamt i was using an eyelash curler and mascara on my upper lip hairs

submitted 11 days ago • 2 comments

Sorry I nutted after the dog licked my foot during sex.

submitted 11 days ago • 14 comments

is satan my lord and master or do I just have heartburn hard to say

submitted 11 days ago • 3 comments

I’ll be on this tonight if you like fun. www.eventbrite.com/e/standup-sa...

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Alexa, shave my fupa please.

submitted 11 days ago • 2 comments

Every picture of Kanye West is a dick pic.

submitted 15 days ago • 1 comment

It’s t-shirt weather today but my nipples are still puffy from the Winter Gorging

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Almost killed a motherfucker for saying cupcakes are stupid

submitted 17 days ago • 1 comment

To the 84yr old woman that won the $591 million dollar PowerBall, wasup baby

submitted 11 days ago • 1 comment

Father, Son, and the Holy Spirit Halloween (formerly Circuit City)

submitted 11 days ago • 9 comments

not only are we cooked, it’s a fucken tiktok recipe

submitted 11 days ago • 24 comments

I wonder how many beers Brett Kavanaugh is having right now

submitted 11 days ago • 9 comments

I’m a nepo baby, but for alcoholism

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

There’s an oil stain on my driveway shaped like a heart. Beauty is everywhere

submitted 11 days ago • 15 comments

I don’t care how many additives and preservatives it takes invent mayonnaise slices

submitted 11 days ago • 3 comments

Me: if I’m guilty of anything, it’s loving too much Judge: and indecent exposure Me: well yeah

submitted 11 days ago • 11 comments

My therapist says it’s perfectly fine to cry in public as long as I am wearing pants

submitted 12 days ago • 14 comments

Me pronouncing pineapples like Minneapolis will probably come up in divorce court

submitted 11 days ago • 6 comments

Hot singles in your area want to ruin your life

submitted 12 days ago • 52 comments

tearfully pressing a pillow down over the face of my favorite skeet “kill your d-d-darliiiings” i sob

submitted 105 days ago • 0 comments

I get nervous at public urinals so I always hold the hand of the person next to me.

submitted 11 days ago • 9 comments

Just shut the fuck up when you’re talking to me.

submitted 12 days ago • 7 comments

I’m glad that women can drive. They really bring a feminine touch to roads

submitted 11 days ago • 1 comment

Going to Home Depot and giving off scared and weak vibes

submitted 11 days ago • 2 comments

The rise in human trafficking has absolutely ruined my pop up sea container speakeasy business model

submitted 11 days ago • 1 comment

Don't even talk to me until i've had my convulsions

submitted 11 days ago • 1 comment

guy who says "i had to see it, now so do you!" and shows you pictures of a beautiful forest stream

submitted 12 days ago • 10 comments

Who up, ready to transcend time and space?

submitted 12 days ago • 13 comments

I don't know what kind of government is best, you guys choose

submitted 11 days ago • 10 comments

am i the wind beneath your wings press 1 for yes or 2 for no

submitted 12 days ago • 15 comments

I didn’t get into college can I still wear boat shoes?

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

jork sauce for the jork sauce god

submitted 12 days ago • 2 comments

please, i say, my eyes it’s so early person who replies with 37 emojis: 🤯✨🌷🐠🚜💖🏁🏀🍿❄️🦄👠🧚‍♀️🤘😜💿💊🐛🚨🛟🌽😃🛍️🎈🐯⛑️🛼🎺🏟️☎️🔫🍄🔥🍀🧝🏻🦷😹

submitted 12 days ago • 2 comments

if someone kills a pope do they get to keep his hat

submitted 12 days ago • 8 comments

i put my ass upon your ass when i gas you gas we gas

submitted 11 days ago • 7 comments