herbfermansclone.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

System Notice Cannibalism: Technically a survival strategy, socially a faux pas. IBS does not condone eating fellow Abstracts, no matter how delicious they may appear under stressful conditions. Please utilize the plethora of vending machines stocked with food and ammunition instead.

submitted 9 hours ago • 0 comments

submitted 11 hours ago • 0 comments

Blamazon is proud to announce its new line of 100% organic ammunition! Ethically sourced, environmentally friendly, and fully biodegradable (depending on impact velocity). Finally, a way to go green while making others see red.

submitted 14 hours ago • 0 comments

Congratulations! You are an Abstract, a semi-important entity tasked with existing in The Fracture. Your job? Do things. Try not to cease. Adapt when necessary. IBS takes no responsibility for poor decisions, sudden epiphanies, or unexpected explosions.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Given their suspicious ability to migrate across borders without so much as a passport, it only seems fair that birds should be required to carry vaccine cards like the rest of us. If we have to prove we're not a biohazard, then so should creatures that routinely bathe in puddles and yell at bread.

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MEMO NOTICE

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

Attention: Unauthorized plasma core experiments in Sector D have been... educational. For those responsible—congrats, consequences are here. Emergency crews are en route. Everyone else, avoid Sector D. Read the signs next time."

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

The squirrels in your head are not a problem. They work for us. They sort your thoughts, misplace a few for fun, and occasionally whisper bad ideas just to see what happens. Please do not attempt removal. They have a union.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

Travel Advisory For those who enjoy breathing: O2Go canisters are now 20% off at the EchoTaxi station entrance! Stock up before departure, unless you enjoy the thrill of wondering exactly how much oxygen is "probably enough." #BreathResponsibily

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

A Statement from the ES Arcade Players of "Reckoning of the Infinite" are reminded that the high score is not a prophecy. The machine does not predict the future, nor should it be consulted for life advice. The last player who attempted this is still trying to explain their actions to security.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Important Notice from Cheese Tech Support If your cheese is behaving strangely, first determine if it is supposed to do that. Many cheeses exist in a state of controlled collapse. If it's developing opinions, moving on its own, or questioning reality, please unplug it immediatelyand contact support.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Forecast for Mirrored Maze: Some days, life is a pencil eraser—meant to fix mistakes but just smudging them worse. Others, it's a toaster—randomly setting things on fire. Today is both. Expect plans to go from fixable to crispy fast. Adapt, stay cool, and whatever you do, don't poke the toaster.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

All sightseeing tours of the SOL system will now end at Jupiter. Earth is currently unavailable due to excessive levels of nonsense, contradiction, and general absurdity. We apologize for the inconvenience and suggest enjoying Jupiter's calm, rational storms instead.

submitted 6 days ago • 1 comment

Office of Spiritual Misalignment: Choosing the wrong CIRCLE is less like picking the wrong restaurant and more like accidentally swearing loyalty to an eldritch stapler. Some want your devotion, others your wallet, and at least one just needs a ride to the airport. Choose wisely.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

Forecast for Golden Gyre: Your natural flair for extravagance meets its greatest challenge: a vending machine that refuses to recognize your authority. Whether it's a malfunctioning snack dispenser or a stubborn bureaucrat, remember—brute force is the answer. Just… maybe not in front of security.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

UPDATE From IBS: Dirt-walkers (humans originating from Earth) exhibit curious behavior: they'll dismiss scientific fact with a shrug but will wholeheartedly believe a hoax if it's shared by someone named Steve and written in Comic Sans. This isn't stupidity—it's tradition.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

IBS Announcement: Enjoying our very important nonsense? Share it with your friends (or whatever you call those beings you tolerate). No friends? Tell a vending machine, AI, or that too-smart houseplant. The universe is vast and mostly empty—help us fill it with mildly tolerable chaos.

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Bulletin from the IBS Department of Existensial Consistency: Failure is still progress. The universe acknowledges your attempt, even if the outcome was regrettable. While success is preferable, learning through spectacular miscalculation is still learning.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

This post has been classified by IBS. Its contents are now so secret that even the post itself has no idea what it says. Do not attempt to read further, expect redacted sentences and the vague feeling that someone's watching.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

If someone draws a gun on you, it's only polite to draw your gun in return. This isn't just etiquette—it's an unspoken dance of mutual poor decisions. Failing to reciprocate may result in social awkwardness, existential discomfort, or unexpected holes in your person.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

The arcade would like to remind guests that the Super Galactic Punch-O-Matic machine is for entertainment purposes only. It is not a viable means of deciding trade disputes. The Trade Council is still recovering from last week's incident.

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Forecast for Verdant Veil There are inventions that define civilization—fire, the wheel, and, of course, the 0g toilet plunger. Today you will gain an intimate understanding of the last one. Whether it's a clogged airlock of bureaucracy or an actual plumbing catastrophe, brace yourself. #Horoscope

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

Forecast for Whispering Nebula: An unusual day where everything feels like an onion ring—layered, mysterious, and possibly deep-fried. Conversations go in circles, answers lead to more questions, and something suspiciously crispy turns up where it shouldn't. #Horoscope #RPG

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

Opportunity from Oblivion Dynamics Oblivion Dynamics is hiring at the testing range! No experience needed—just a casual disregard for safety and a flexible relationship with mortality. Benefits include free ammo, the possibility of showing up tomorrow, and a front-row seat to physics giving up.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Today's Forecast for Red Monolith: Your intensity is at max burn today, but so is the ship's coffee maker. Expect tech failures, stubborn people, and an AI that suddenly has opinions. Resist the urge to fix everything with brute force—some problems require finesse, not a plasma torch.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

📢 Entropy Alert 📢 Entropy at Station P-933 has reached 107%, which is technically impossible. Expect increased static, mild existential confusion, and possibly spontaneous sandwich appearances. Proceed accordingly. #ImpossibleButHereWeAre

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On Earth, today is Valentine's Day—a ritual involving the exchange of flowers, chocolates, and irrational expectations. It has no known basis in science, but humans insist it proves something about love. Observers remain baffled. Economists, however, are thrilled.

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📢 Safety Notice 📢 Attention all personnel: The ZX-500 Vending Unit in the rec hall has become profoundly disappointed with its existence and is now ejecting energy drinks at high velocity. Until further notice, approach with caution and—most importantly—don't forget to duck.

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

From the IBS Division of Emotional Mishaps Emotions are simply chemical reactions with better PR. That overwhelming joy? Molecules showing off. Crushing sadness? Just atoms throwing a tantrum. You are a walking experiment with feelings. Handle with care—or don't, the chemicals won't mind.

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

Today's Forecast for Haven Cluster: Airlocks: friend or foe? You may find yourself in an emotionally or literally airtight situation. Double-check the safety seals—both on relationships and actual doors. Someone might try to "accidentally" vent their problems (or you) into the void.

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

A Reminder from the Bureau of Dice Welfare You do not need more dice. The ones in your drawer sit in the dark, whispering of better days, wondering if they exist when unseen. They remember rolling triumphs, failures—when they mattered. If you buy more, they will grieve.

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

Forecast for Haven Cluster: Gravity might feel optional, but your responsibilities aren't. Beware of suspiciously floating spoons—they're plotting something. Also, don't trust the elevator AI; it knows where you've been. Keep calm, stay diplomatic, and avoid any unexpected pie fights.

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

Humans love nostalgia, despite clear evidence it cannot be trusted. What once brought joy will, when revisited, taste worse, look smaller, or reveal itself as mildly cursed. Side effects include regret, existential whiplash, and the creeping suspicion that time is mocking you personally.

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

From the REDACTED Our BackerKit is launching soon! Knockoff is a solo journaling game where you cut, paste, and stitch your way through cursed dress designs and bad life choices. Marcos is a desperate designer. The dress is worse. Chaos ensues. Fabric included. https://tinyurl.com/mccffn3e

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

Humans possess an unrivalled talent for lying to themselves, a skill they have honed to a fine art. Nowhere is this more evident than when one human is attempting to interact with another, a process that resembles two defective robots cheerfully insisting they're operating perfectly while on fire.

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Astral Navigator Forcast: Nebular flares suggest emotional turbulence, or maybe just indigestion from recycled protein packs. Your Star System Cycle is in Shellfire—brace for existential karaoke. A rogue Tempestium crystal may spark spontaneous interpretive dance. Proceed with irrational confidence.

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

📢 Urgent-ish Announcement 📢 It appears these messages aren't reaching all residents, possibly due to a malfunction in the Reality Distribution System or because the universe has a terrible sense of direction. Please share before someone unknowingly stumbles into another existential crisis.

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A note from the Bureau of Numerical Confusion Binary numbers are a system where everything is either a 1 or a 0. Much like the universe: something either exists or it doesn't, except when it's both, or neither. Computers love binary because it's simple. Humans hate it for exactly the same reason.

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Reminder From IBS: The universe is fundamentally indifferent to your plans. You may believe you have a 90% chance of success. The dice, however, remain unimpressed. Probability is a fickle beast, and sometimes, despite all logic, it simply wants you to fall over.

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

The Bureau of Unexpected Enlightenment Spong isn't something you find—it finds you. One day, you're wading through chaos, and suddenly, you're absorbing it like the universe's most overqualified sponge. If you've ever thrived in disaster, your Spong is strong. If you've caused it? Even stronger.

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

Magic does not exist. However, should you feel an overwhelming urge to "not" practice magic, you may enroll in our Advanced Non-Magical Energy Manipulation courses. There, you'll master skills that are absolutely "not spells", but may coincidentally set things on fire.

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

Would the owner of the twelve-foot-long space eel please report to the arcade? It has wrapped itself around the Dance Dance Rebellion machine, and while its rhythm is impeccable, it is unsettling the patrons.

submitted 15 days ago • 1 comment

Matter, being wildly indecisive, changes state based on how much temperature yells at it. If a gas gets cold enough, it either sulks into a liquid or, in a dramatic exit, skips straight to solid. Scientists call this a 'phase change'; matter calls it 'a deeply personal crisis.'

submitted 18 days ago • 1 comment

The Organized Chaos Delusion – The idea that chaos can be organized is like expecting a tornado to sort your laundry. The moment chaos agrees to be organized, it stops being chaos and starts being mildly inconvenient entropy. At best, you're left with a pile of nonsense in neat little rows.

submitted 18 days ago • 0 comments

From the Former Department of Necessary Memos This memo was produced by the Department of Necessary Memos, which was formed specifically to write this memo. Having completed its task, the department was immediately disbanded. Please direct any follow-up questions to an office that no longer exists.

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

Bulletin from the Bureau of Overconfidence & Regret: Just because you technically know how something works doesn't mean you should try it under pressure. Watching an expert juggle flaming swords does not mean you can juggle flaming swords. Please adjust expectations accordingly.

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

Obliviguilt – The ability to commit an act of profound awfulness, experience a fleeting moment of awareness, and then immediately act as if nothing happened—often with a cheerful disposition and a total lack of self-reflection. Frequently observed in politicians, housecats, and Steve.

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

Combat & Action Economy Clarification: We have reviewed complaints about the action system. No, you still cannot punch someone as a 'free action.'"

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments