herringred.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

Me: you know they used to kill horses for glue? Friend: no way [flashback to 1953] Farmer: [cocks gun] Horse: [holding tube of Elmer's] no I need this for my crafts

submitted 11 days ago • 13 comments

Fucking Puritans

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Before breakfast, Bill Banister brought Betty big boxes of bratwurst, brisket, and braised beef, as well as banana bread, buttermilk biscuits, bottles of Budweiser beer, and buckets of baked beans for the big biannual barbecue behind Benjamin Brown's barn by Bethlehem Baptist.

submitted 14 days ago • 40 comments

@riotgrlerin.bsky.social visiting my girlfriend’s office and took this picture of her work computer. I sent her your post a while back and she loves it.

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

You know I play a little pickleball myself.

submitted 18 days ago • 0 comments

Loved or hated? Always ignored!

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

Due to circumstances out of my control I have been forced into a situation I never thought could happen to me. I am now a Lakers fan.

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

Rest of the world to the US:

submitted 27 days ago • 7 comments

Each day this week, I'm making a thread spotlighting and signal-boosting creators who are in different marginalized groups being targeted by jerks. Today, it's Trans creators. IF YOU ARE COMFORTABLE, please post below with links to your work if you can! Art, music, crafts, whatever! Show us!

submitted 28 days ago • 317 comments

It’s clear some of you only had wheat bread in your house growing up.

submitted 29 days ago • 0 comments

Folks. I am still telling jokes on the internet like a doofus. I want to explain why I am telling jokes like a doofus when people, especially marginalized people but also everyone else, are being slowly pulled apart by the most ghastly people imaginable. The answer is, for my mental health. 1/

submitted 30 days ago • 201 comments

Do most people have a favorite number?

submitted 34 days ago • 2 comments

@tambdebasque.bsky.social this is the most effective bot yet.

submitted 35 days ago • 1 comment

Ah, being drunk on vacation and just “charging it to the room”.

submitted 42 days ago • 0 comments

Pockets aren’t all great ladies. I keep leaving receipts in my jeans and ending up with dryer confetti.

submitted 43 days ago • 1 comment

Gritty reboot of Friends where the only thing that changes is that there are now voice overs of Ross doing Rorschach-esque monologues. “It is not God who kills the children. Not fate that butchers them or destiny that feeds them to the dogs. It is Rachel not admitting we were on a break.”

submitted 49 days ago • 4 comments

“Sorry ladies, things got a little bumpy back there. If you want, we can turn around and go look for ‘em.”

submitted 61 days ago • 12 comments

Musk versus Loomer fight is classic. The ruler’s scheming eunuch is involved in a power struggle with his concubine while he blissfully ignores his responsibilities in his palatial Southern estate. Been done a billion times from Byzantium to Beijing.

submitted 62 days ago • 30 comments

I’m well known for my can’t do attitude.

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

Could two followers please copy and re-post this tweet to show that someone is always there? National Suicide Prevention Hotline Call: 0800 689 5652 (UK) 1-800-273-8255 (USA) 1.833.456.4566 (Canada)

submitted 66 days ago • 42 comments

I never cared for Sonic. What's his job? Hedgehog? That's not a job, that's a species. Being a plumber, now that's a job. Having a brother who's taller than you, that's the kind of adversity that builds character. I know nothing of Sonic's siblings, or of their sizes relative to him. Nothing at all.

submitted 67 days ago • 59 comments

A teacher friend of mine is worried about the future of education. Kids don’t read books anymore. They can’t write essays without ChatGPT. They gather behind the school to dig a big hole together. The deeper they tunnel the louder a sound from below grows, like a heartbeat

submitted 68 days ago • 52 comments

[alphabet committee] boss: okay what comes after V designer: two Vs kissing boss: what designer: then two Vs doing it boss: wait designer: then a V with a huge dong boss: designer: two Vs 69ing

submitted 499 days ago • 10 comments

mary: can you rub my feet joseph: is there a way i can do that without actually touching them, and yet somehow, as if by magic, you still benefit? mary: ok i can tell you're still angry

submitted 648 days ago • 10 comments

Wait, now that Musk actually did something he doesn’t want credit?

submitted 70 days ago • 0 comments

ME: takes communion wafer thank you father PRIEST: did you just put a little pepperoni on that

submitted 72 days ago • 13 comments

Catholic Lunchables

submitted 72 days ago • 0 comments

(priest giggles) "that was the butt! HEY EVERYBODY THIS GUY JUST ATE THE BUTT"

submitted 497 days ago • 1 comment

the idea of being visited by aliens lost its appeal when i realized they’d likely just be some other planet’s asshole billionaires

submitted 76 days ago • 41 comments

The first rocks glass of m&ms always smells the best.

submitted 76 days ago • 0 comments

The government can't stop you from making paninis however you want. A little thing called freedom of the press

submitted 81 days ago • 6 comments

So @javgonzo.bsky.social this seems up your alley.

submitted 81 days ago • 1 comment

MAN: i’m leaving you WOMAN: is this about the hokey pokey again MAN: clenching fist that’s what it’s ALL about

submitted 86 days ago • 3 comments

The recipe called for butternut squash and ochre but I substituted sitting in the dark eating an entire pack of Oreos. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

submitted 83 days ago • 1 comment

me: do you wanna grab a coffee or something? her: no…i can’t. i have class. me: are you a teacher? her: no…no me: so you’re a student? her: no…i have standards.

submitted 84 days ago • 7 comments

HR: Do you know why you’re here? Me: Telling my manager I was praying when he caught me sleeping? HR: Me: ...the pro wrestling match in the cubicle? HR: Me: ...that whole Flashdance routine at the holiday party? HR: Me: Maybe I should just let you tell me.

submitted 85 days ago • 8 comments

My girlfriend eats just one m&m. I find that disturbing.

submitted 90 days ago • 0 comments

my wife left a bowl of fruit on the kitchen counter for too long and now we have carpenter aunts

submitted 93 days ago • 6 comments

the main problem with the cybertruck is that leaving it running with the garage door closed doesn’t do anything

submitted 96 days ago • 20 comments

Sometimes, we really should lose more than we do.

submitted 96 days ago • 1 comment

{Playing baseball} ME: Can I use your bat, man? BATMAN: Use my what? ME: Your bat! BATMAN: My Bat what? ME: Your BAT!! BATMAN: MY BAT WHAT?! ALFRED: You have to ask for his Bat, bat. ME:... ME: Fuck you Batman!

submitted 482 days ago • 0 comments

So @javgonzo.bsky.social we aren’t the only ones that think that death was dumb.

submitted 96 days ago • 1 comment

[To the tune of 'Wouldn't It Be Nice' by The Beach Boys] 🎵Wouldn't it be nice 🎵To eat a Minion 🎵Holding up a towel to hide from god 🎵And wouldn't it be nice 🎵Though quite forbidden 🎵Savouring the yellow flesh of Bob

submitted 98 days ago • 102 comments