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hormonella.bsky.social
My body is not my temple It’s more like my bar and grill
353 posts 2,107 followers 1,641 following
Prolific Poster
Posts 43 Comments 6

It’s only premarital sex if you plan to get married.

submitted 3 hours ago • 7 comments

Wash clothes: 45 minutes. Dry clothes: 60 minutes. Fold and put away clothes: 5 to 10 business days.

submitted 9 days ago • 24 comments

How to fold laundry: 1. Remove from dryer while still warm 2. Place in laundry basket 3. Pour drink 4. Consider the allure of wrinkles

submitted 3 hours ago • 2 comments

I'm the L. Ron Hubbard of making shit up and getting followers.

submitted 7 hours ago • 1 comment

Pat: Hit me with your best shot. Me: Really? Pat: Fire away. Me: I did not expect amateur archery league to be like this.

submitted 7 hours ago • 1 comment

I understand just enough Spanish to know that these guys at the carwash really like my outfit. Or my omelet.

submitted 7 hours ago • 3 comments

This is the dumbest apocalypse.

submitted 28 days ago • 16 comments

Indianapolis Jones and the Failure to Understand Capitalism

submitted 11 hours ago • 2 comments

I draw the line at penciled in eyebrows.

submitted 10 hours ago • 6 comments

Remember the good ol’ days? No. No I do not.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Woke up inching toward oblivion again.

submitted 12 hours ago • 1 comment

Make sure to tell someone else how to discipline their child today. Parents love that.

submitted 12 hours ago • 1 comment

All dogs are hot dogs until they put on their glasses and their hair in a bun

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

My goal on social media is not to get the most followers possible. It is to put on the best talent show this town's ever seen and save the youth center

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

My Only Pans account is just me clobbering reply guys with cast iron.

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

Stop, in the name of fleeting infatuation

submitted 1 day ago • 10 comments

My other Stripper Name is Multiple Contusions.

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

What's my 5 year plan? Involuntary commital.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Oh yeah, totally works. You’ll still have dark circles under your eyes but now they shimmer.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

My stripper name is Polar Vortex.

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

There is nothing more satisfying than having to explain that you were being sarcastic.

submitted 1 day ago • 13 comments

Horror movie: you’re the only person online

submitted 2 days ago • 6 comments

My Indian Princess name is Running Late.

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

it’s hip to be scared

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

In lieu of a good therapist, I’ll be buying a new graphic tee instead.

submitted 2 days ago • 7 comments

In these trying times, focus on what makes America great. The drive-through liquor store, for example.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

eBay sounds like it was invented by dolphins.

submitted 2 days ago • 7 comments

A young co-worker asked me for recommendations for his Dad Rock playlist so I clubbed him with my walker

submitted 2 days ago • 11 comments

Shiitake is my favorite fungus that also sounds like Japanese butt sex porn.

submitted 2 days ago • 5 comments

Fitbit is still counting the steps of my downward spiral.

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

🎶I see a red state and I want to paint it black🎵

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

The worst thing about Friday morning is realizing that it's only fucking Thursday.

submitted 2 days ago • 3 comments

Manatees have no business being so adorable

submitted 4 days ago • 2 comments

I hate when my doorbell rings and I have to stop whatever I’m doing to be quiet and not answer the door.

submitted 14 days ago • 19 comments

People who clean up before the cleaning lady comes are my people.

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

I really hope you guys don't act like this around people you actually know.

submitted 3 days ago • 4 comments

Sorry I was late, but my dog asked me to pet him for a couple of hours.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Fixed it.

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

You can beat somebody with a tambourine and they'll think you're just making music.

submitted 3 days ago • 6 comments

More Senior texting: BFF - Best Friend Fell LMDO - Laughing My Dentures Out BTW - Bring The Wheelchair IMHAO - Is My Hearing Aid On FWIW - Forgot Where I Was

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

Ever consider living off grid and then your chocolate melts when you go on a hike and you burst into tears?

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

My favourite superpowers: - Time travel - Invisibility - Teleportation - Common sense

submitted 4 days ago • 6 comments

If I say “You’re probably right,” there’s a 90% chance you’re wrong AF but I’m just trying to get you to stop talking.

submitted 259 days ago • 1 comment