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iamkelskels.bsky.social
foxy grandpa | she/her
267 posts 91 followers 110 following
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breakfast burritos are selfcare

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

Do we know if the new pope is a Cubs or Sox fan? This is important.

submitted 21 hours ago • 1 comment

praying to god that he decides to change the Eucharist to be a piece of poppy seed-covered hot dog bun and a sip of Malort

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

"Chicago Pope" is like a 1994 SNL sketch. Airs at 12:20am, the only gag is that Chris Farley has a mustache and is doing a big accent. David Spade and the guest host (Joe Mantegna) keep breaking during it.

submitted 1 day ago • 149 comments

thrilled to announce that i am the new pope

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

someone mumbled the words "lemon herb couscous" near me a few days ago and i haven't been able to think of anything else since

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

next week is my other giant event of the year for work and i just made the mistake of acknowledging that things are going well so can't wait to see what curveball is going to be thrown my way now

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

the thrill i get by being the first person in the office in the morning is probably unhealthy

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

A drugged out guy walked into me and then kept pacing by me at the bus stop. I don't think he meant harm, but I was freaked out until another guy at the bus stop stepped between me and the strung out guy and ran interference until the bus came. A scary and slightly heartwarming ending to the day.

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

uh oh i miss something i can't name again. i want to go home to something that doesn't exist again. does anyone have a gun

submitted 2 days ago • 27 comments

where are all the short fat girls getting their clothes lately? share your secrets with me pleaseeee

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

just had a burp so impressive that the cats meowed back in response

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

hello and welcome back to How Much Can Kelsey Cross Stitch On A Couch Rot Sunday? Starting point:

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

dude

submitted 6 days ago • 1 comment

So sorry, I can't go to dinner tonight anymore. The world is simply too much and I need to lay on the floor.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

favorite Chicago May Day protest sign

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

booooooo cybertruck booooooo tomato tomato tomato

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

what if i just give up, hmm? how about that?

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

my earbuds have died and i am absolutely crushed. any reccs for replacements? i have an iPhone but am not interested in airpods

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

drank my coffee too fast, apologies to everyone in my general vicinity

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

some may call it apocalyptic prepping, but i prefer to think of it as risk management

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

my love language is breakfast burrito

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

big decision: what craft do i take to my hangout at a cafe brunch this morning? cross stitch? embroidery? the EPP hexie quilt?!

submitted 12 days ago • 2 comments

new gardener is pretty good

submitted 13 days ago • 0 comments

just had my first meal in 5 days that did not include applesauce or saltine crackers, everyone please clap

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

The Onion Looks Back On Pope Francis Busting His Holy Ass

submitted 18 days ago • 66 comments

hell is starting your period in the middle of having a stomach virus

submitted 18 days ago • 0 comments

rfk's face looks like it's been sculpted out of crusty play-doh

submitted 21 days ago • 0 comments

my heart is fucking broken for AmeriCorps members. happy national volunteer week Elon, you pasty ass cry baby bitch

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

yo, can't wait for my $2 federal tax refund. making them send me a paper check for funsies!

submitted 23 days ago • 0 comments

Instead of testing on animals we should test on rapists. What are they gonna say, No?

submitted 28 days ago • 0 comments

Bruce, proving he is descended from dinosaurs. #bird #birds #birdsofmastodon #humor #humour

submitted 25 days ago • 2 comments

It's not just a funny video, it's my emotional support ensemble YouTube comedy channel

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments

work is feeling real AHHHHH right now and the world is feeling really AHHHH and overall i just feel sort of AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH in the face of it all

submitted 24 days ago • 0 comments

love the early stages of dating because it's like a crash course in brand new restaurants and trying new types of food

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

things I've said to Doug this morning (it's only 9am): - I'd like to invite you to fuck off. - Your behavior is why some people think wearing animal fur is still okay. - Bestie, make a different choice. - I would die for you but I would definitely hesitate for a moment first.

submitted 26 days ago • 0 comments

just dropped $80 to start yet another new hobby, someone please take my debit cards from me (except pls don't!!)

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 27 days ago • 293 comments

trump's tarriff policy is just lucy faking out charlie brown with the football over and over again

submitted 28 days ago • 0 comments

wee bit unfair that my mental health is finally back in a stable space and now the government just gets to waltz back up and fuck it up again

submitted 28 days ago • 0 comments

not the @lpontheleft.bsky.social boys covering an Ohio story and reading the reviews for the disgusting hotel off the turnpike near my dad's house. Also, congrats on the pronunciation of Maumee-- super close! It's "Maw-mee" like "mommy" but with an accent.

submitted 29 days ago • 0 comments

Final_Version_of_Tarrifs_actualFINALcopy_version7_USETHISONE.docx

submitted 29 days ago • 297 comments