imallwrite.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

Darth Vader: Luke I am your father! Luke: Gary? Vader: What? No, it's Darth Va... who the fuck is Gary?

submitted 61 days ago • 0 comments

Beliefs, wishes, and assumptions aren't facts. Facts are facts.

submitted 62 days ago • 0 comments

What's the square root of Angry 64? H8 Bleh, it's weekend bluesky, this is what you get

submitted 63 days ago • 0 comments

Bringing a cake to a knife fight.

submitted 64 days ago • 3 comments

I'm so broke I just googled "is it ok to eat cardboard?"

submitted 64 days ago • 1 comment

If it aint broke, don't fix it. If it is broke, dont date it cuz then you'll just end up paying for everything

submitted 64 days ago • 0 comments

If your name is Carrie I expect you to be good at picking up an object and taking it from one location to another location

submitted 164 days ago • 0 comments

It's weird that BMW makes its cars without turn signals

submitted 85 days ago • 0 comments

Trump & MAGA boast about Canada becoming the 51st state, BUT: Canada would become the most populated state in the Union, surpassing California. It would have 55 seats in the House and 2 in the Senate Republicans would never win the House ever again, probably not Senate either 😄

submitted 70 days ago • 0 comments

youtu.be/5haMVR5my-s?...

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

It turns out the TV series GOTHAM has nothing to do with the acquisition and retention of pork

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

One of the hardest things to do in life is to ride a Pogo stick across freshly waxed linoleum tile while holding a full pot of coffee. I know this now

submitted 68 days ago • 0 comments

Sunday mood

submitted 68 days ago • 0 comments

I hate it when I get drunk at the dog park and come home with 15 dogs. I don’t even own a dog. And why are the cops here?

submitted 68 days ago • 1 comment

Lessons kids learn quick: When Mom is pissed at Dad, you don't let her brush your hair!!!

submitted 69 days ago • 11 comments

Canadians increase border security

submitted 68 days ago • 0 comments

"I need ammunition, not a ride" - Volodymyr Zelenskyy turns down U.S. evacuation offer February 26,2022 after Russian invasion of Ukraine

submitted 69 days ago • 1 comment

my dogs probably think i'm an idiot for only sleeping once a day

submitted 71 days ago • 16 comments

Trump & MAGA boast about Canada becoming the 51st state, BUT: Canada would become the most populated state in the Union, surpassing California. It would have 55 seats in the House and 2 in the Senate Republicans would never win the House ever again, probably not Senate either 😄

submitted 70 days ago • 0 comments

Well, the good news is there's only 1,431 days left in his second term 🤦‍♂️

submitted 72 days ago • 1 comment

Me to my wife: Hey honey sorry I didn't hear you call earlier, the dog fell asleep on the phone My wife: Who is he talking to?

submitted 76 days ago • 0 comments

me, getting stabbed to death by my wife Wife: No no no, you're doing it all wrong. Lay on your back, not your side, bleed slower and are you seriously wearing that shirt?

submitted 80 days ago • 0 comments

Can't, busy reading the instructions on this shampoo bottle. I can't afford any more mistakes

submitted 313 days ago • 1 comment

I met a woman named Claire so I asked her if her last name was Voyant. She did not see that coming 😉

submitted 314 days ago • 0 comments

It's weird that BMW makes its cars without turn signals

submitted 85 days ago • 0 comments

whats the difference between a chickpea and a red kidney bean? Ive never had a red kidney bean on my face #DocAfterDark

submitted 87 days ago • 0 comments

the joy of putting on a jacket you haven’t used in a while & finding some money in the pocket except it’s me unfolding a fitted sheet & finding the second sock that had been missing to one of my cool pairs

submitted 87 days ago • 7 comments

Your post looks like an eye chart fucking a ransom note.

submitted 91 days ago • 9 comments

(getting home from work) her: you smell like alcohol me: thank god…if I smelled like a petting zoo, that’d be weird her:

submitted 88 days ago • 1 comment

She's married, but apparently its not serious

submitted 87 days ago • 0 comments

My wife and I meeting another couple while on vacation Couple: So how long have you two been married? Me: Ever since the wedding

submitted 87 days ago • 0 comments

Fun Fact: When you die your body has enough carbon in it to produce 900 pencils.

submitted 89 days ago • 1 comment

Over a 10 year period 6,700 people in the US were injured by lawn darts. The majority were children, 3 of whom died from their injuries. Lawn darts were banned in the United States in 1988

submitted 89 days ago • 1 comment

In the living room watching a movie when my wife yells at me from the kitchen "hey, have you seen the dog bowl?" So naturally I replied "no, is he any good?"

submitted 89 days ago • 0 comments

If your religion has rules, they apply to you not to me

submitted 97 days ago • 0 comments

I accidentally washed my face with my jack-off hand towel and now Jesus thinks i'm gay

submitted 97 days ago • 0 comments

My Hello Kitty tattoo has not aged well

submitted 100 days ago • 0 comments

Me: Check out my tattoo in support of the people of Ukraine. I don't know what it means but it looks cool багато My Ukrainian friend: That means a lot Me: tearing up Thank you My Ukrainian friend: No, it quite literally means "a lot" Me: My Ukrainian friend: Me: Ukraine️ !

submitted 100 days ago • 0 comments

His name is My cocaine and he is a great actor

submitted 100 days ago • 1 comment

I can't believe how political Twitter has become since Elon Musk took over. I hate when social media sites are full of politics. moves to Bluesky 😱

submitted 100 days ago • 1 comment

Me: So, on Star Trek when they run a level 1 diagnostic is that the lowest or the highest? Interviewer: I meant any questions about the job opening

submitted 139 days ago • 0 comments

Me on a date Woman: I'm a Sagittarius Me: That's funny, you don't look like a dinosaur

submitted 166 days ago • 1 comment

Rigatoni - A type of pasta originating in Italy. Rig a Tony - To manipulate or control by deceptive or dishonest means the securing of an Award for Excellence in Broadway Theatre

submitted 119 days ago • 0 comments

Sometimes i wonder about where human customs come from. Like what would we be doing now if the first person who reached out to shake another other guy's hand had decided to whip out his dick and piss on his leg instead.

submitted 120 days ago • 0 comments

Don't be that sneeze that's about to happen big and fast but then doesn't but then is about to again but then doesn't but then kinda does Don't be that sneeze. Nobody likes that sneeze.

submitted 120 days ago • 1 comment