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indecisivejones.bsky.social
husband, father, animation aficionado, penguin
599 posts 6,393 followers 684 following
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Posts 41 Comments 8

a nutri-grain bar is just an uncircumcised fig newton

submitted 18 days ago • 1 comment

i’m not just good at sex, i’m a

submitted 152 days ago • 5 comments

ME: can i take your picture MUSEUM CURATOR: what no

submitted 40 days ago • 3 comments

coworker thought that Michael Jackson covered Alien Ant Farm’s Smooth Criminal

submitted 91 days ago • 0 comments

I have never wound up on Threads on purpose.

submitted 92 days ago • 0 comments

Satan: show him a clip from a great movie he never got around to watching. Demon: it’s not like you to be helpful, sir. Satan: make sure it’s not free on any of the 47 steaming services he already has. Demon: there’s my fallen angel

submitted 98 days ago • 3 comments

man: i bet she’s thinking about other guys. me: arby’s is pronounced rb’s which stands for roast beef.

submitted 92 days ago • 12 comments

why yes, I happen to know all the struggles of today’s modern women. - me, after accidentally buying a pair of sweatpants without any pockets

submitted 143 days ago • 0 comments

“AI is gonna take your job” I’d like to see AI drink a little too much and text all his friends about how cherished they are

submitted 143 days ago • 2 comments

that’s me in the corner, that’s me in the spotlight, fighting with a pigeon

submitted 144 days ago • 8 comments

fix your hearts or die

submitted 144 days ago • 14 comments

me: *holding a devil’s food cake* satan: me: satan: give it back…

submitted 144 days ago • 0 comments

[trapped inside a volcano] Me: Toddler: Me: Toddler: Be Careful... Me: *sigh* Toddler: The floor is lava...

submitted 145 days ago • 1 comment

what idiot called it a wave and not standing water

submitted 151 days ago • 0 comments

What did this person think saying this in my mentions would result in

submitted 154 days ago • 22 comments

Can a headline alone be eligible for a Pulitzer?

submitted 157 days ago • 769 comments

Me: What’s your favorite farm animal? Owen Wilson: Cow

submitted 169 days ago • 0 comments

Me: So is Panic! At the Disco saying it’s better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality, or poison rationality? Doctor: I meant questions about your surgery.

submitted 158 days ago • 1 comment

i do not trust birds that stand on one leg. what are they hiding

submitted 157 days ago • 11 comments

Me: So is Panic! At the Disco saying it’s better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality, or poison rationality? Doctor: I meant questions about your surgery.

submitted 158 days ago • 1 comment

if I had a boss I would simply jump on their head three times to defeat them

submitted 238 days ago • 28 comments

You ever go back and watch episodes of your kids favorite shows just to fill in all the plot points you missed? Just me then?

submitted 160 days ago • 5 comments

Who could have guessed that Neil Gaiman’s greatest work of fiction would be his kind, gentle persona? Devastated

submitted 161 days ago • 0 comments

you’ll never guess what this is in response to

submitted 161 days ago • 1 comment

coworker thought that Michael Jackson covered Alien Ant Farm’s Smooth Criminal

submitted 161 days ago • 2 comments

little disappointed blue sky doesn’t do anything like the balloons on your birthday, not gonna lie

submitted 162 days ago • 0 comments

Once again I am being punished for my competence

submitted 167 days ago • 10 comments

Ask yourself, "am I harder to kill than I was 8 years ago?"

submitted 167 days ago • 128 comments

it’s getting too cold for this shit

submitted 169 days ago • 0 comments

please stop suggesting I solve my problem by changing my behavior. I do not want to do that

submitted 169 days ago • 207 comments

I haven’t seen any naked breasts in my feeds recently, which is kind of odd. Put them back. I want someone to go through my likes one day and be shocked, then attempt to sabotage my future mayoral campaign

submitted 169 days ago • 4 comments

Misread sexual favors as sexual flavors, and now I got an idea for an adult Baskin-Robbins spin off.

submitted 173 days ago • 2 comments

interviewer: can you explain this gap in your resume? me: that’s where i forgot what happened

submitted 169 days ago • 18 comments

Me: What’s your favorite farm animal? Owen Wilson: Cow

submitted 169 days ago • 0 comments

[watching two towers with my son] me: did you know that scene when aragorn kicks the helmet— son: yes everyone knows— me: —is when i got your mom pregnant

submitted 170 days ago • 0 comments

36 year old coworker just realized Funyuns are onion flavored

submitted 171 days ago • 1 comment

The first hour of the morning is when the day really starts going downhill

submitted 171 days ago • 4 comments

once you have kids they will subconsciously do everything in their power to prevent you from creating any more

submitted 172 days ago • 0 comments

Misread sexual favors as sexual flavors, and now I got an idea for an adult Baskin-Robbins spin off.

submitted 173 days ago • 2 comments

on the oregon trail you can die of dysentery, but on the organ trail you run the risk of tripping over a random spleen

submitted 173 days ago • 0 comments

ME: do you have any specials PHARMACIST: what

submitted 174 days ago • 8 comments