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inksauceshelby.bsky.social
Problematic Scorpio
226 posts 15 followers 19 following
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When will he do what needs to be done?

Petition to cast David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson for True Detective season five.

One of the great joys of Motherhood is saying yes to a request your kid thinks you’ll deny. Like yes baby, we absolutely can get McDonald’s on the way home from school.

The Whole Foods bar is so mysterious to me

They should do a look alike contest to find the next pope.

57 is the perfect age to abandon employment and become a lightly drug-addled gentle lunatic who is fixated on expensive cheese and face cream.

I send my husband to the dispensary for me because I know I don’t have it in me to listen to a budtender explain things.

“I see. The dark gothic manor, the omnipresent low fog hugging the thicket of overgrowth. Wait, is that a hound I hear baying out on the moors?” Dana Scully, the woman that you are…

I will physically fight anyone who says Michael Shannon is ugly because he is perfect to me

I know god is real when The Algorithm serves me Captain Von Trapp thirst edits because a computer could never understand me like that

I think if you get your BBL reversed you should call it a lobottomy

🎀 LOBOTOMIZE BOYS 🎀

Do elder politicians not have sensory issues because how are they stuffing their neck skin into those collars and ties every single day?

It’s insane to me that there is food that i habitually eat that i have never seen growing like out in nature. I could not tell you what what a cashew plant looks like and I genuinely can’t picture a cashew that is not roasted and salted???

Sometimes I think about my childhood crush on Jeff Gordon and how I was happy Dale Earnhardt died because I felt like Jeff probably didn’t like him.

I unfortunately am wearing a pair of my Bad Socks instead of my Good Socks today so I will be bursting into tears over a trivial matter before nightfall.

If a Nepo Baby outpaces their Famed Ancestor(s) in Renown, Accolades, Favor, and Net Worth, the Diminished Ancestor(s) must take on the mantle and burden of “Nepo” from the Baby and be styled as Nepo Mommy and/or Nepo Daddy in all pursuits both professional and personal.

I know a Ford Taurus hated to see Mulder coming.

What if a surgeon said “scalpel” and the OR nurse stabbed him in the carotid with one

My husband loves walking around our apartment turning off lights.

I took an edible and now I can hear too good

I’m literally so cozy and cute all the time how this even possible

I would go to war in defense of rice pudding.

Who up reminiscing about girlhood

If a High Net Worth Individual or Celebrity is found to be undeserving of their Nepo Baby, the Nepo Baby can be reassigned to a more favorable Family of Renown. Likewise, if a Nepo Baby is unfortunately behaved, He or She may be Ancestrally Remediated to Kanye West or other Scorned Persona.

I can tell God isn’t real from the woeful absence of Smiting.

Do y’all still remember what each of your siblings go-to Monopoly token was when y’all were kids?

If I tell someone to be careful, it guarantees that nothing bad will happen to them.

If Severance becomes more beloved and critically acclaimed than Lost does JJ Abrams have to let Dan Erickson be Gracie’s dad?

Mulder is always tasting the most questionable substances not because he is gross but because he is BRAVE

Let’s just start saying that autism begins at conception and maybe we’ll get to keep vaccines.

What if my car has the bad kind of headlights and I don’t know it?

I actually cannot imagine having an employer again in this lifetime.

I’m pro choice for everyone except celebrities because think of all the nepo babies they are aborting.

Republicans shouldn’t be allowed to have access the same emojis as the rest of us.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that TS is for both Taylor Swift and Tony Soprano.

NYT games while air drying in a towel post-shower is the true meaning of Queen Bee and not even Sam Ezersky can take that from you.