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jackiebouvier.bsky.social
These are my jokes. Please don't laugh at them. My children: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:btj7htumgboprmobfodhw7wu/feed/aaaiisbbcciv6
2,818 posts 5,773 followers 688 following
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Wednesday can go suck an egg

Might quit my job and become a full time problem

ME: don’t run with scissors CRAB: how then ME: idk maybe walk sideways

Distracting myself from personal grief with the unmitigated terror of our collective reality

I killed my soulmate and absorbed her power.

I can’t even get into Brian Wilson’s death without breaking down. My memories of him are closely intertwined with memories of my dad. The Beach Boys were his favorite group. I played them for him in his last days. He couldn’t speak, but he knew the lyrics. He could sing along. Thank you, Brian.

Alfredo is a perfectly respectable name, but it still makes me hungry.

Show your face. Show your badge. Show your warrant. This needs to become our mantra.

friend: are you ok? me: are you kidding me friend: what me: i'm on like year seven of not being ok...... are YOU ok?

Los Angeles 2025

ngl this map of scheduled protests for this weekend is *wild*

When are we going to ICE HQ to chant “come out you fucking Ho-man” lmk

I know I’ve seen Casino, but can barely remember anything about it for some reason. You see, there’s this guy, and he has a casino

FIRED UP NOWHERE TO GO

I get it. You're outraged. You're motivated. That's amazing. But I cannot physically and mentally maintain that same level ALL THE TIME. Yes, I'm disgusted, pissed, on edge, and worried. I'm also succumbing to so many chronic conditions I should just be a pathology text, so if I joke, deal with it.

Inches away from turning replies off on every post.

why did america have to wait until i have an 8 month old child to become a fascist police state? not cool bro

[If I had a game show] "Not Sydney, not Melbourne, but a secret third thing. What is it?" "Canberra?" "Incorrect. The answer is Beaverbrook." "Why?" "It's a secret."

In the most American of moves, leadership hosted our company offsite in a bog and is now blaming workers for the alligator attacks

onlyfans but for colonoscopy footage call it youtube i'm sorryyyyy

put on your helmet, we’re going off roading

Sorry I said your penis looks like Vincent Schiavelli

I regret that I only have one hand to shitpost for my country

All I want for Father’s Day is a T-shirt that says, “I ❤️Sluts.”

Woke up this morning and chose insufferable

7yo, yell-singing from the pool: Bees and wasps, are not the saaaaame! Bees! They barely ever sting, because they don't wanna die from a brooooken butt!

“I hate to bother you but…” -Me lying, I fucking love bothering people

I’m a cowboy baby

My daughter has made a Sims house comprised of my most notable exes and I am dying. She gave them exaggeratedly hideous & cartoonish features and this is why she’s my best friend.

I'm "every shirt ever made during the 90s has a pull tag on the back so you can hang it up or get dragged down a hill by bullies" years nostalgic

my friend fen is a smart and funny shitposter that gets me laughing everyday follow him and see how far he can throw his jokes 3K....

@cringeunworthy.bsky.social is hilarious and also did the artwork for my favorite coffee cup

Google: would you like to delete the 20 consecutive blurry photos of your dog? me: my dog? who I love??

If you’re not following @cringeunworthy.bsky.social, you’re missing out on kindness, funniness, and great hair.

*sees a portal open up* *rawdogs portal*

*takes a shot of antifreeze*

What Mormon wives do in secret is none of my business

I'm not wearing pants and I'm eating a salad that would calorically rival a Big Mac. GET ON MY LEVEL

People w/ rescue dogs saying, "I dOn'T kNoW wHo sAvEd wHo!" Let me help you out: you did. You saved the dog. You're the human one. That's how that works.