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jaded.bsky.social
Post-ironic, iconic, and here to steal memes. Music, crafts, and gas station glory holes. Common 🧵: I suck at all of these She/she’s/seize the means of production
3,300 posts 686 followers 422 following
Prolific Poster

I’ve been told that I have the same coffee order as a divorced dad. I then have to explain that I took the coffee order in the divorce.

Fuck being pen pals, I wanna be penimies

Me when they ask for n00dz

You may call it a bad blow job, but I call it “jazz“

Guns should have ballsacks. Fleshy ones.

Reading a book from the 1940s gets real confusing if you don’t realize that no one ever calls them Brazil nuts back then.

Tis time to venture unto the apothecary for mine Poultice of Mental Stability(+2) and Elixir of Feminine Wiles (+3)

I take my hoagie with extra mayonnaise, cause mayon-naise a lot of fucking fascists in this country

Really fucking bummed that the Trump is preventing the opening of a femboy hooters in my town. I just want shitty food served to me hot twinks, is that too much to ask America???

Can’t handle giving up tiktok cold turkey cause I’m vegan. Gotta do it cold tofurkey

Wildlife

Kill myself? In this economy?

Made a hat instead on reading my book. Zero regrets.

I mean

Waking up feeling like a god is pretty amazing, until you realize the world doesn’t need anymore gods. Guess I’ll take this lithium instead.

Someone once told me they couldn’t wait to get to work to make their “witches brew“ When I asked, they said they take a long bathroom break where they would mix in the toilet bowl: -piss -shit -blood (from their anal fissures) -semen -dip spit

Sometimes God forgets to put struggles on a person’s path. And who am I if not a footsoldier of the Lord.

Make a salad, but my dog ate it. So now I’m eating chili Mac.

When you’re buddy still hasn’t finished House of Leaves

I found a single green pea in my can of chickpeas. One of them girls must’ve detransitioned in the can.

ACAB? Sure, but only because I’m pro crime.

Christmas action movie called “Fuck-Marry-Killmas” starring some dude in sunglasses

Oh, so your new toilet can flush a bucket of golf balls? Too bad my asshole can hold TWO buckets of golf balls.

Oh, so your new toilet can flush a bucket of golf balls? Too bad my asshole can hold TWO buckets of golf balls.

Look at what you’re missing out on

Just saw Tony Hawk do an ad for a statin. This was never supposed to happen to me.

You CAN form a polycule for the sole purpose of competitively speed running escape rooms. Dream big.

The penjamin is stronger than the swordjamin

Oh man, an omen.

Don’t you see? With these tax cuts for the rich, Batman could finally afford Bat-drones to keep the poor people of Gotham safe from their greatest threat, anti-capitalism.

Yeah I got that BDE Big Dinosaur penis Energy

I wish I had the subtitles for this audio book

Mood

If Antman ever joins rivals, his ultimate needs to be expanding in someone’s anus before rampaging in giant mode

Bottom surgery got me wiping back to front cause this pussy is the shit

You could call him a Twinkie with how cream stuffed he is

Waffle House? More like Awful Mouse, ammirite?

december 2021 vs december 2024 (also my final closeted christmas 💜)

Jeff is a war criminal #marvelrivals

Your imagination: The one thing Big Porno doesn’t want you to know about

it’s fucking asinine how we haven’t made maximum age limits for politicians

#MarvelRivals has a chokehold on me. HULK (I would) SMASH

Dope album from my dope band

What have I got in mind? Think dilation, but sexier 😏

this meme format is evergreen this is the third one I've made this week

I have bangs now. (Banging)

Just came back to blusky, what did I miss?

Fish. War. Cheese. Fear. The 4 Mongmen of the Apocalypse.