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jakewrites.bsky.social
Lumberjack| Farmer| Writer - formerly Creepshow: The Game, Dread Central, Syfy Portal, Cracked, others.
253 posts 63 followers 43 following
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Odin, grant me the strength to finish this Doritos locos taco TM

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Suspiria (1977)

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

If we hadn't gone on that wild spree of tearing down George Carlin statues maybe people would remember him and stop claiming they came up with his jokes on social media.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Big fan of the time the Brawny paper towels guy went corpo

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

I feel "The vibes have never been worse" deep in my soul. Been there, Bungie. Been there.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Whoever hired Danny Trejo to menace me — cut it out. He's tired.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

They turned the racism dial on the robot too high.

submitted 9 days ago • 0 comments

You're still on tiktok? I'm using timtok it's all vids of Tim dude it's sick

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

I like my Frito chili pies Chicago style, with the chili on the bottom.

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

My public writing portfolio is up. Yay. If you need a writer who does...whatever the hell I'm doing - Hit me up. authory.com/JakeSlocum

submitted 11 days ago • 0 comments

Just got to the kumite and they're making me fight Shaq?

submitted 12 days ago • 0 comments

Conclave (2024)

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

Why did I think this sounded so good when I was a kid?

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

I complain a lot because I see a world we all hate, but capitulate to out of our love of convenience. We could all stand to be a bit less comfortable. If a product pisses you off, stop buying it. If a service becomes shit, stop using it. Stop suffering in the name of convenience.

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

Duolingo sucks now, huh? Tying progress in language learning to watching ads and paying for in-app currency. Then replacing people with AI. Are they fuckin stupid?

submitted 15 days ago • 0 comments

More excited about the Dollar General app than whatever is going on in this motherfucker

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

Nintendo continues to be the shambling corpse of a once good company now propelled entirely by nostalgia for the N64 and defended by the worst people on the internet.

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

Used my one time machine pass to go buy a whole bunch of Vault I have no regrets

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

All the good games sites are now owned by venture capitalists who have never played a game and would want nothing more than to replace every actual writer with AI that can make lists of the best skins in Fortnite. www.pcgamer.com/gaming-indus...

submitted 20 days ago • 1 comment

The kids don't even apologize for party rocking anymore we used to be a proper country

submitted 21 days ago • 0 comments

Lawn progress continues. My potatoes are growing strong. Tomatoes and marigolds go in the ground tomorrow.

submitted 21 days ago • 0 comments

Cleaning and mowing my yard completely after 2 years of depression neglect is a battle. Can finally see stuff again tho. My grandpa honestly shouldn't have left me this land when he died.

submitted 21 days ago • 0 comments

My niece did a drawing of the, quote "lady I see at my mom's house at night" and folks...

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

Applying for jobs right now is like doing dishes in a house on fire.

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

Stop making Killjoy movies, god dammit.

submitted 23 days ago • 0 comments

As a stupid 18 year old I answered a craigslist ad and ended up on tour with Joe Exotic's travelling tiger and magic show as a lighting guy. I'm not joking.

submitted 23 days ago • 0 comments

We don't [stative verb] in this motherfucker we [modal verb]

submitted 63 days ago • 0 comments

Can't believe it's been 61 years since JFK shot himself with a pistol that had been bungie-corded to the bottom of the car he was in so that the gun would retract after he did the deed and never be found.

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

They made the tax riddler stop wearing green and his new piss-yellow suit is off-putting (it still has question marks on it tho)

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

When I pitched my version of the MCU without Jonathan Majors they were very unhappy that I wrote Kang out of future films by having him fall in the shower, and by having that be the only thing any of the main characters talk about. Just utter disbelief that Kang fell in the shower.

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

Thinkin bout the hotel-only Nintendo GameCube again

submitted 68 days ago • 0 comments

There's a part in Kraven the Hunter where he splits a mercenary like a log using an elaborate system of pulleys right after he uses a steel-toothed bear trap as a melee weapon.

submitted 70 days ago • 1 comment

Family lost a lot, but everyone is alive.

submitted 70 days ago • 1 comment

Firetruck on the case. This is super strange because I live on a small dirt road that doesn't see a ton of traffic. Very surreal.

submitted 71 days ago • 0 comments

Well Oklahoma the fires continue. My aunt and uncle lost almost everything. My brother's house is gone, though he passed away about 2 years ago. My other brother's storage containers are gone. Their farms are burnt. This is the worst fire I've seen in my life. Y'all stay safe out there.

submitted 71 days ago • 0 comments

Damn Oklahoma is burning up.

submitted 71 days ago • 1 comment

God damn not a single corporate yes-man out here.

submitted 72 days ago • 0 comments

That seasonal depression is sure lasting a suspicious amount of time into a new season...

submitted 74 days ago • 0 comments

Love to hang out in the office of the company I co-own in New York and tut-tut about the possibility of marginalized people protecting themselves.

submitted 81 days ago • 0 comments

I'd honestly leave social media completely but sometimes I do jokes that I want people to see.

submitted 82 days ago • 0 comments

Yer so fuckin tedious I think Jigsaw'd shoot you so he wouldn't waste a trap.

submitted 84 days ago • 0 comments