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jameskass.bsky.social
Data Nerd in the Entertainment Industry Mostly-Retired Stand-Up Comedian Husband to My Amazing Wife Father to My Two Precocious Boys
55 posts 196 followers 33 following
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I sincerely wish Trump was a lot more like Jimmy Carter. And y'all can take that aaaaaany way you want to. #ripPresidentJimmyCarter

submitted 44 days ago • 0 comments

I'm not exactly saying they're the same person, but has anyone ever seen @maklelan.bsky.social and @anthonyjeselnik.bsky.social in the same room together?

submitted 52 days ago • 0 comments

When I was in my 20s, I had a fish that could talk. Seriously. One day, I was sitting in my room, feeding it those little fish flakes, and as I watched them slowly sink deeper into the tank, he sensed I was there. He stopped nibbling, swam up the glass, and stared at me. 🧵 (1/5)

submitted 57 days ago • 1 comment

My 7 year old watches enough British cartoons (Peppa Pig, Alphablocks, Ben & Holly) he should know how to do the accent, but when he tries, he sounds like Joe Pesci.

submitted 64 days ago • 0 comments

Okay hear me out: a reboot of The IT Crowd, but starring the cast of New Girl.

submitted 64 days ago • 0 comments

Tis the season for #LoveActually, so time to repost the epic story of the time I watched this crazy film with my "no filter" Mother-in-Law while my beautiful bride was in the hospital recovering from childbirth. If it gives you a laugh, please share! medium.com/@JamesKass/t...

submitted 65 days ago • 0 comments

Not sure who can make this happen, but I humbly request a Jack Black cover of Fiona Apple's "Fast as You Can". Thank you in advance.

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

I don't let my kids curse all the time (they know not to do it at school or when Grandpa's around), but I try not to be too strict about it either. I'm like the MPAA: I like to keep them at PG-13. They're allowed an F-bomb or two but any more than that and they know they're in trouble. 🤬

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

My 7yo couldn't recall the word "obviously" so he said "ofcoursely" instead and I'm going to start using it now because it should totally be a word.

submitted 68 days ago • 0 comments

Technology makes us lazy. That’s why I never bought into the #startrek concept of the Borg. NEW SPECIES: Hi we’re a heavily populated society with soft brains and primitive defenses. REALISTIC BORG: We will assimilate you right after we’re done binge watching all 127 seasons of Law & Order:SVU

submitted 68 days ago • 0 comments

I could never be a NJ Transit conductor, because every time we'd travel through the city of Elizabeth, I wouldn't be able to resist busting out my terrible Redd Foxx impersonation.

submitted 68 days ago • 0 comments

At least with Bigfoot you've gotta put on a whole costume and have your buddy go out into the woods and film you. Now all you need is a $50 drone, some creepy lights, a little Vaseline on the iPhone lense and a YouTube account and presto, you can join in the hoax fun as well.

submitted 70 days ago • 0 comments

So grateful for all of the new followers, and looking forward to inevitably disappointing you all with my awkward sense of humor and overly snarky replies.

submitted 71 days ago • 0 comments

I wrote this joke in 2015 and maybe three of you out there will get it all these years later...

submitted 77 days ago • 0 comments

I used to think the characters in Harry Potter were dumb for being afraid to say Voldemort's name out loud, but here I am referring to my Amazon device as "Shashmexa" to avoid triggering her and thinking to myself: who's the dumbass muggle now?

submitted 78 days ago • 0 comments

The collapse of the Hawk Tuah Crypto has lead me to reevaluate my longstanding policy of basing all important investment decisions on the astute analysis of whomever gives out the best advice about fellatio.

submitted 78 days ago • 0 comments

Starship Troopers could've been a much shorter movie if they just lowered a giant one of these onto the planet. Also, how about using drones and lasers instead of humans with tasty brains carrying guns with tiny metal bullets that you need to fire 500 rounds before the enemy even breaks a toenail?

submitted 79 days ago • 0 comments

Fun fact: The Proclaimers and Vanessa Carlton passed each other halfway through their journeys in opposite directions.

submitted 80 days ago • 1 comment

I'd use Bluesky more if they had character limit parity with Threads. I choose my words carefully but use a lot of them.

submitted 80 days ago • 0 comments

It's report card day and our 10yo got an A+ in phys ed. Somebody call Maury.

submitted 81 days ago • 0 comments