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jbellzer.bsky.social
One of the top folks
44 posts 144 followers 138 following
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happy friday, everyone. rotating dagwood

I grew up in Philly. Oh, where am I like From from? I spawned naked on tutorial island

POV you are old timey car

Babygirl you stay on my mind Fulfill your fantasy Of getting fingered from behind Now eat my hard candy

The boys making me so proud this week

We're finally dismantling the federal government! Sure hope it doesn't serve essential functions that I've taken for granted my whole life

One of my favourite things anyone has ever said about art. You'll be missed, David. 🌹

david lynch loves you

Going Juror #2 is when you take a classic no frills dump.

regrettably "hey how are you doing i'm jelly roll" is now a permanent part of my lexicon

In five years, you’re not going to be able to be outside without the blood in your veins boiling, but at least you’ll be able to chat with beloved AI characters, like John Pork.

big slur update, slurs hive!

Not like the ghouls who run things at Meta actually enforced these rules in the first place, but... www.wired.com/story/meta-i...

I will gladly blow you Tuesday for a hamburger today

The writers are INEBRIATED. The set is on FIRE. The sound system is FUCKED. The actors are PHYSICALLY ASSAULTING each other. The crew is in open REVOLT. Adrien Brody has 10 SECONDS to introduce Sean Paul as the Rasta Man or the network is pulling the plug.

none of my posts are jokes. they’re all real and specifically written about you, the person reading this. the only joke is you 🫵😂

My daughter went to a record store and bought a 7CD "Mystery Pack" which included the funniest CD I have ever heard of:

Happy new year from shingy

100 feels like the perfect age to die imo. Any more than that and ur just pushing it.

I'll be showing up to my employees house first thing tomorrow morning with a raw turkey for his wife to cook to show how much I've changed.

To me, the holidays have become a yearly tradition

"okay...picture dane cook doing a jim carey impression" -me pitching the concept of Ryan Reynolds

In the movie Yesterday, the universe the guy wakes up where the Beatles never happened, 9/11 didn't happen too. It just doesn't come up in the plot.

Hate to settle down for a long winters nap only to be sprung outta bed by such a clatter

When this MF shows up with some corn for popping, then you KNOW some serious snowing is about to happen

Guy at work was showing me his collection of bored ape nfts. how do u tell someone that they are involved in a scam and also that the scam ended like 2 years ago?

Here's a sequel to the Grinch that I made

A Christmas classic from @jbellzer.bsky.social

Here's a sequel to the Grinch that I made

AI will soon be able to create all kinds of scenarios for family guy characters that we never dreamed of. It will be able to anticipate exactly what kind of antics you'd want to see peter accomplish with 99.9 percent accuracy and be able to produce them instantly.

the CEO shooter had three D words written on the bullets he shot. D, D, D... a sly reference to Carlos Mencia's iconic catchphrase

It was an honor just to be nominated

Your goal as an artist should be to create something gay people won't shut the fuck up about.

It’s just a joke dude. It’s just one of the most digestible and powerful forms of persuasive rhetoric my guy

Cartoon wolf popping a himms to maintain the length and duration of his eye bulge

Hate to settle down for a long winters nap only to be sprung outta bed by such a clatter

U ever feel like u were born in the wrong era? For me, I feel like I should be born this afternoon.

WE’RE JAZZED FOR FRIDAY!

Ugghh got sat in front of a cartoon wolf on this plane. I don't like to complain but every time he gets horny his eyeballs hit the back of my headrest.