jerseyfreshest.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

The worst part about X (Twitter) totally freezing on this first day of NFL free agency is that my screen is locked on a photo of Nancy Mace in a hot tub

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

The NFL’s “legal tampering” period opens today and coincidentally someone has tampered with X / Twitter as the app has completely shut down. How sad for Elon

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The lack of Twitter on Day 1 of free agency is going to leave the NFL commentary world looking like the teachers at Springfield Elementary when Lisa Simpson stole all the teachers' editions of textbooks.

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

I just learned there are over 175 Domino’s pizza places in New Jersey and this may be the most upsetting thing I’ve read in over 20 years

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

From now on, whenever I can’t remember someone’s name, I’m gonna mumble “Cannot find the candle of thought to light your name” while doing my best Eddie Vedder impression

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

‪It feels like America is in the 3rd period of a very chippy hockey game and the benches are about to clear for an epic brawl‬

submitted 44 days ago • 0 comments

Trump has announced that Jon Voight, Mel Gibson and Sylvester Stallone will be “Ambassadors to Hollywood.” Wow… First his house burns down and now this… It’s been a rough week for James Woods

submitted 54 days ago • 0 comments

Trump has announced that Jon Voight, Mel Gibson and Sylvester Stallone will be “Ambassadors to Hollywood.” Hasn’t Los Angeles suffered enough this week?

submitted 54 days ago • 0 comments

If your Christmas tree isn’t up by 5pm today, do you really even love Jesus?

submitted 86 days ago • 0 comments

“Last Christmas” is the all-time greatest song about regifting

submitted 86 days ago • 0 comments

There isn’t a song called “I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus” because it would be too difficult for kids to learn that daddy’s cheating on mommy AND he’s gay at the same time

submitted 87 days ago • 0 comments

This reindeer definitely voted for Trump

submitted 90 days ago • 0 comments

Sadly, it’s impossible to play “Punch Buggy” in 2024 as Volkswagen discontinued the Beetle in 2019 & there aren’t many on the roads anymore I’m here to tell you there’s a new way to play: Every time you see an Amazon truck or van, shout “#PunchBuggy Amazon” and start punching

submitted 99 days ago • 0 comments

#Serendipity is a 91-min rom-com that kinda/sorta takes place at Christmastime & stars Kate Beckinsale as a woman who something, something. If, like me, seeing peak-of-her-beauty Kate Beckinsale on screen for 45+ mins makes you happy, then I can’t recommend this Xmas movie enough

submitted 99 days ago • 0 comments

As this holiday weekend comes to an end, I’d like to wish Happy Honda Days to you and yours

submitted 100 days ago • 0 comments

My now 17yo son at age 8: “I totally believe in Elf on the Shelf, but one thing I don’t understand is, if Santa has all these magic elves who can fly back and forth from everyone’s houses to the North Pole each night, why is he selling them at Target for like $20?”

submitted 100 days ago • 0 comments

Chuck Woolery retweeting conspiracy theorists from beyond the grave is everything you need to know about the current state of Elon’s X (Twitter)

submitted 101 days ago • 0 comments

Leave it to America to invent the turducken - a Russian nesting doll you can eat!!!

submitted 103 days ago • 0 comments

THANKSGIVING FACT: At the very first Thanksgiving, the Pilgrims & Indians argued like crazy over all the lies they heard from the “lamestream” media

submitted 103 days ago • 0 comments

PRO TIP: No one ever talks politics at the kids table Happy Thanksgiving!

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THANKSGIVING FACTS: White Meat > Dark Meat Gravy > Cranberry Sauce Sweet Potatoes > Mashed Potatoes Stuffing > Mac N Cheese Creamed Spinach > Creamed Corn Green Bean Casserole > Squash Casserole Diarrhea Smoothie > Pumpkin Pie Bullet to the Head > Pecan Pie

submitted 104 days ago • 0 comments

Blue Man Group ending its NYC run after 30 years and over 17,000 performances is such sad news for Tobias Fünke

submitted 105 days ago • 0 comments

Molly Bloom (the woman behind “Molly’s Game”) just popped up on my Bumble and I refuse to swipe right because I don’t wanna live in a world where I know for certain I have no chance with her

submitted 105 days ago • 0 comments

My superpower is I can tell how old a person is within one year simply by watching them attempt to climb over a chain link fence

submitted 110 days ago • 0 comments

Wanna feel old? Cindy Lou Who is now 60 years-old

submitted 110 days ago • 0 comments

I like that Google named its AI app “Gemini” because everyone knows Geminis are fucking crazy

submitted 110 days ago • 0 comments

Was this year’s time change “extra strength” or something because I’ve been tired AF since we turned the clocks back

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You know what… 15 years ago, when Mike Tyson was 43, he would have kicked Jake Paul’s 12 year-old ass!!!

submitted 113 days ago • 0 comments

MOVIE SEQUEL IDEA: Arnold Schwarzenegger is “The Terminator” for one final ride… In this chapter, he goes back in time to stop The Rock from making “Red One”

submitted 113 days ago • 0 comments

Did Sylvester Stallone get CTE from six movies worth of fake fights?

submitted 116 days ago • 0 comments

If I were Joe Biden, I’d make sure the White House was decorated Griswold-style with hundreds of thousands of lights for Christmas and then just leave without ever taking them down

submitted 117 days ago • 0 comments

People will try to tell you The Sugarhill Gang’s 1979 hit #RappersDelight was the first ever rap song, but I’m here to tell you that Judy Garland preceded them by 40 years in #TheWizardOfOz on “Come Out, Come Out” - So yes, the first-ever rapper was a white girl from Kansas 😂

submitted 117 days ago • 0 comments

With these totally ridiculous and unqualified Cabinet appointments, I better not EVER miss out on another job because I “don’t have enough experience”

submitted 117 days ago • 0 comments

For now

submitted 117 days ago • 0 comments

My dad died a little over a year ago. Below is his cat, Sheeba. Today, nearly 13 months later, we finally found a home for her. This is a “Write Your Spec” post

submitted 117 days ago • 0 comments

BLUESKY EXCLUSIVE: The junk mail industry is fully subsidized by "Big Paper Shredder"

submitted 117 days ago • 0 comments

And a whopping FIVE of them have followed me!!!

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This time around, the Kennedys are assassinating us.

submitted 117 days ago • 277 comments

Mike Tyson vs Jake Paul winner gets to be surgeon general.

submitted 117 days ago • 0 comments

This weekend, parents can officially commence using the threat "Santa Claus is watching you" on their kids to get 'em to stop whatever shitty thing they're doing

submitted 118 days ago • 0 comments

If I were a woman, I'm fairly certain my standards for sex would not be as low as what I currently bring to the table

submitted 118 days ago • 0 comments

Bluesky Exclusive: Once you pass age 40, dating apps are ostensibly online ex-husband & ex-wife shopping clubs that charge lonely people $10/month for the right to view all the damaged goods

submitted 119 days ago • 0 comments

At Costco three years ago, I farted within earshot of a mentally challenged 30 year-old man. He immediately burst out laughing so loud - w/a grin from ear to ear - I not only made his day, I made his month. I only wish I could make a woman that happy… I think about him often

submitted 119 days ago • 0 comments

This time of year, when a salesperson asks me who I'm shopping for, I always say, "My mistress." They generally leave me alone after that

submitted 119 days ago • 0 comments

Bluesky Exclusive: If none of our material possessions can come with us to heaven, what is there to do up there? I assume there are only so many times you can look down on your friends and family masturbating before that gets boring

submitted 119 days ago • 0 comments