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jewinacanoe.bsky.social
MANY POSTS ARE HUMOR AND NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY Proud Jew ✡️ memoir OUT FROM THE SHADOW published by Amsterdam Publishing. Repped by Bonnie Swanson of FinePrint Lit.
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If I ever win a lot of money I'm going to go posh and buy name brand condiments.

submitted 9 hours ago • 0 comments

I told my wife "you’re not the boss of me” and she laughed for the longest time.

submitted 9 hours ago • 1 comment

Uber driver: I love my job. I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do. Me: Don't take this street south, there's too much construction.

submitted 9 hours ago • 1 comment

Somewhere a politician is getting ready for another big day of decisive decision-making.

submitted 9 hours ago • 0 comments

My personality is now determined by the amount of coffee I drink, my trauma responses, and how the Maple Leafs did the night before.

submitted 9 hours ago • 0 comments

If you want to know what childhood trauma looks like. I think I was dressed to be a news boy.

submitted 9 hours ago • 1 comment

It would be difficult to fight this fine when you're dead.

submitted 10 hours ago • 1 comment

I now do my grocery shopping at another part of the city just so I can avoid running into someone I know while shopping.

submitted 10 hours ago • 3 comments

I was at Tim Hortons and they called out Order 867. I yelled 5309 and nobody laughed then I felt old and drank my coffee in the car.

submitted 2 days ago • 5 comments

Me: Why are you packing up your clothes? Wife: You know my rule if you haven't worn it in a year it gets purged. Me: So, all you'll have left to wear are your pyjamas and yoga pants. Wife: Hmm. I may need to create a covid exception.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Shrinkflation is real. I bought a bag of popcorn that contained 7 kernels and a lot of air.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

I'm submitting some of your names to be the next Pope.

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

I can remember my childhood phone number but not the new password to my bank accounts that I JUST CHOSE YESTERDAY MORNING.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

The Holocaust is not an analogy for anything bad happening in the world today. It is not the equivalent of any recent war or injustice or "whatabout" you want to add. The industrialized murder of six million Jews, including most of my family, stands alone.

submitted 2 days ago • 3 comments

I hear a million crying voices of children. They called out at Treblinka, Sobibor, Belzec, Chelmo, Madajnek, and Auschwitz. No one would help them. No one could save them. Their tear stained faces burned into my soul.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Moshe Ridler, 91, Holocaust survivor, was murdered by Hamas terrorists on Oct. 7. He was sent to a concentration camp at age 9 and escaped at 11. Shlomo Mansour, 86, a Holocaust survivor was killed by Hamas terrorists on Oct. 7. His body is being held hostage in Gaza.

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

Life is so complicated. I tried to text someone with a TV remote. Then I kept yelling at a coffee grinder to tell me the weather.

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

Oh, you're explaining my own post to me? That's so...helpful.

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

If you believe it's important to learn how destructive hate is, please share this.

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

This important post is free for everyone to commemorate Yom HaShoah. open.substack.com/pub/willieha...

submitted 4 days ago • 2 comments

This account is a safe place for guys with man boobs.

submitted 4 days ago • 3 comments

Barista: How would you like your coffee? Me: Intravenous.

submitted 4 days ago • 1 comment

I just bought myself an emotional support pizza.

submitted 4 days ago • 2 comments

It's called a 12-hour Tylenol Cold and Flu tablet because it takes 12 hours to get the tablet out of the blister pack.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

Me: What's in the bag? Friend: My kid's hockey helmet. Me: When I played we didn't have helmets. We would get our bell rung but we would be fine. Fr: Helmets are now mandatory. Me: When I played we didn't have helmets. We would get our bell rung but we would be fine. Fr: Me: What's in the bag?

submitted 6 days ago • 3 comments

So what is the proper technique for eating a chocolate bunny? Head first? Split the sucker open? Tail first?

submitted 6 days ago • 2 comments

ER doc when I'm 21: How did you get hurt? Me: I was playing hockey, battling for the pick in front of the net when someone knocked me into a goalpost. ER doc now: How did you get hurt? Me: I was watching a hockey game when the TV remote fell and I reached to pick it up.

submitted 7 days ago • 5 comments

What twisted mind was the first to look at a bag of carrots in their fridge and say they would make a good cake?

submitted 7 days ago • 3 comments

My mental health is being held together by duct tape and effexor.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Is it okay to wear compression socks with sandals?

submitted 7 days ago • 5 comments

On the eighth day of Passover you're craving pizza and not matzo pizza. 😩

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

A bittersweet moment. You are free and alive but with only the rags on your skeleton frame and an unknown future. open.substack.com/pub/willieha...

submitted 7 days ago • 1 comment

The three questions I have never answer. 1. Do I look like I put on weight? 2. What are you thinking? 3. Do you know what happened to the pizza in the fridge?

submitted 8 days ago • 2 comments

The weather reporter said to dress for the 50s.

submitted 8 days ago • 2 comments

Passover is all about matzo and eggs so let me introduce you to the matzo brei. A matzo omelette.

submitted 8 days ago • 2 comments

I'm working on an email to a client and want to be grammatically correct. Is it "for fuck sake" or "for fuck's sake"?

submitted 8 days ago • 6 comments

I'll always pay more for deboned donuts.

submitted 9 days ago • 4 comments

Do to supply chain problems, global conflicts, and an egg shortage, the Easter Bunny will be handing out waffles this year.

submitted 9 days ago • 3 comments

Do you ever wonder why Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and Robert DiNiro are never seen together?

submitted 9 days ago • 3 comments

If you tell me I'm too old to play for the Toronto Maple Leafs, all you're saying is that you are an ageist.

submitted 9 days ago • 1 comment

I have a photo of my father taken just after the end of WWII with the address of a cafe in Paris written on the back. It has always intrigued me. When I visited Paris I found that the cafe was still there.

submitted 9 days ago • 2 comments

My mom's family produced and sold booze. So did a lot of Jewish families. Read why. open.substack.com/pub/willieha...

submitted 10 days ago • 1 comment

This account is now entirely AI generated.

submitted 11 days ago • 2 comments