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johnnydeformed.bsky.social
toni collette's ear doctor. miss collette call me please
152 posts 77 followers 134 following
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Posts 26 Comments 24

I was watching a comedian with my wife and she said "I don't think that really happened to him" and I said "don't worry, it's probably just a premise for a humorous story" and I was right

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

nintendo: we're bringing old gaming traditions into the modern world playstation: we respect the old ways, but we're looking to the future xbox: bideo game

submitted 21 days ago • 0 comments

ima ge ge ge get you drunk so i can buy more shoes

submitted 22 days ago • 0 comments

listening to we didn't start the fire with my alzheimers grandma and trying to convince her there was a space monkey mafia

submitted 25 days ago • 0 comments

I get most of my work done when my wife looks at cats with amputations on bing ai search for 6 hours each night

submitted 30 days ago • 0 comments

Fuck this bald cunt

submitted 48 days ago • 0 comments

Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by autism

submitted 49 days ago • 0 comments

gf hissing and growling at herself in mirror reddit

submitted 50 days ago • 0 comments

Wife, in the other room: what's happening in the movie? (Main character is looking longingly at a photo clearly of his kids) Me: idk he misses his friends or something

submitted 58 days ago • 0 comments

Making planes terrifying is an ingenious way to slow climate change

submitted 59 days ago • 0 comments

[lou reed voice] severance severance

submitted 61 days ago • 0 comments

submitted 66 days ago • 0 comments

It was so brave of Kendrick to do something everyone liked and agreed with

submitted 67 days ago • 0 comments

Sorry but I'm not into this smug told-you-so attitude when vulnerable people are manipulated by the false promises of a sociopath

submitted 67 days ago • 1 comment

look buddy, you wanna beat my daughter you better marry her first

submitted 69 days ago • 0 comments

Nobody: Livia Soprano: I wish the lord would take me

submitted 71 days ago • 0 comments

the fish version of touch grass is see kelp

submitted 72 days ago • 5 comments

People on here will say things like "oh yeah that guy's always been a huge piece of shit" and it's because in 2009 they spoke brusquely to a waiter

submitted 73 days ago • 0 comments

Me: sick flips bro. may I ask your name? Chinese acrobat: aha, thank you so much. My name is Long Me: well I'd still like to hear it

submitted 73 days ago • 0 comments

Chipotle employee killed themselves in the bathroom while I was waiting to use it so I got a free burrito bowl . It gets better

submitted 75 days ago • 0 comments

my gf talking about Forrest Whittaker: yeah whitticus ford

submitted 75 days ago • 0 comments

When something goes bad for my in-group it's just because of circumstances outside their control. Not like that awful out-group!

submitted 78 days ago • 0 comments

breakfast sandwich Sandwich for breakfast? That is a lunch item. Eat an eggs

submitted 79 days ago • 0 comments

got a gig in an antidepressant commercial the casting agent was like "yeah that guy looks like shit"

submitted 80 days ago • 0 comments

Jane Lynch is the working man's Tilda Swinton

submitted 86 days ago • 0 comments

Severance S2E1: Capital subsumes all critiques of itself! Brought to you by Apple TV+

submitted 87 days ago • 0 comments