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jonathanfortescue.bsky.social
Treacherous British Migrant to Gran Canaria 6 years ago. Escapee from UK foulness and loving the warmth of the weather and the people. Ex Bus Driver so Fully qualified in Sarcasm Terry Pratchett lover and student.
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Soo, sooooo bored with the daily flood of big arsed, plastic breasted females, young enough to be my grandchildren, ‘following’ me on the off chance I might pay them some money! Girls I live on an island where, should I EVER feel the need, I can stroll to my local beach and see thousands of them!

This evening in Carrefour… Must have been a coach load of the most witless of the population dropped off moments before we got there. We spent 13 minutes watching an elderly woman and her imbecile son carefully removing all the Activia yoghurts from their shelves and mixing them up on another..

Question: Why do the plethora of ‘Practising’ cyclist we suffer from here on the mountain all, without exception, look like contestants in a gurning competition. Bent over their handlebars they grunt their way up past us as we descend in the a.m. then as we return pm, they rush past going down again

On tonight’s episode of The Archers…. David, Tony & Tom Archer sit round the Bridge Farm table moaning constantly about taxation. Meanwhile, Josh and Ben are digging a hole behind the big barn to hide the family fortune. Pip however, has fallen in the hole and is demanding compensation…

Creative day today. Brioche to replace Croissants and Cottage Pie for a change of evening meal

Wow! The DWP in the YUK has finally, two months after I sent the requested ‘Life Certificate’, finally decided, “Hey! You’re still alive! Congratulations!” SO, it’s ok now if I snuff it?

A great many people saying ‘Trump is a moron’. Wrong! The morons are the millions that voted for him.

So, so many ‘experts’ who already ‘know’ what went wrong over the Potomac yesterday! I can’t understand why the NTSB, CAA, FAA need to investigate it even! I mean… it’s obvious to me one of them failed to yield at the lights!

Always, ALWAYS, amuses me when we take the fresh bread over to the Bar….. Straight into it! Gronf, gronf, gronf! “Mmmmmm caliente!” “Que rico!” and suddenly, they’re down 3 or 4 rolls!! But….. the more they use, the heavier our pockets!

Today is a busy bread baking day. The bar is almost out of bread so I’m doing batch after batch right now. Sheila has just come into the kitchen and told me “Those violins need you”….. I don’t have,or play, a violin, so I queried this… Apparently, it was “That was a violent sneeze you did”

We hada new experience today. A fast-food place called Popeyes opened recently in Vecindario. We ordered pieces of “Louisiana Chicken” with a green salad. The chicken must have walked from Louisiana, it was so dry and elderly. The salad? Half a lettuce leaf and two tired tomato slices. Tomorrow……

After the groups of numpties that had to be rescued after climbing Teide in freezing temps… Orienteers parking their cars in a muddy field in England is unsurprising. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Amazing what you can grow in an old water tank on the roof! Our first crop of lemons!

I’ve only seen the kind of insanity that is gripping the US today, once before. It was in the UK on Jan 31st 2020 when millions of people ‘knew’ that tomorrow, when they awoke, all the ‘foreign people’ would be gone. Bobbies on bicycles would once again keep the peace and fish would be plentiful!

Damn right! Stagecoach never let me work from home! www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Big news! (Apparently) TikTok banned in US… I must sacrifice a chicken!

Not bad eh? “Britain to introduce digital driving licences” Only ten years behind us here in Spain! Next thing you know, they’ll be introducing candles to cut electricity costs! UK set to introduce digital driving licences www.bbc.com/news/article...

In my tiny village of 35 souls three, including me, have directly attributable symptoms from the 2nd or ‘booster’ Covid jab. I’m lucky. Mine is quite mild if annoying. One is wasting away due to inability to walk, one living on 10 tablets a day. I’m lucky. Just one! www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Found this amazing photo from 5,000,000bc It shows one of my ancestors hunting cabbages after discovering the dinosaurs were wiped out 45,000,000 years previously. #Veganism

A friend of mine is currently wandering around Wales on a train… According to his menu aboard, we now know exactly what happened to Shergar all this years ago…. (I suspect a gender/species change from Stallion to Cow)…. and I dread to think WHAT ‘Porn Purée’ might consist of!

“Kill the first-born male child in every line!” (Well…. It’s that time of year, isn’t it?) www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c4...

Air travel…! Need to return very briefly to the YUK in March this year. 2 of us, direct with a ‘Cheap’ Cattle Class airline, to an airport nowhere near London, €800 BEFORE adding cases and seats Via Madrid, business class to Heathrow, €700 including meals, luggage, seats & lounges!

I don’t understand the people who emigrate to Spain and then complain that everything is ‘impossible’ when it comes to government offices. We visited the tax office yesterday to renew our ‘terrible’ electronic IDs which will ‘allow them to track us everywhere’. Friendly, helpful folk!

I have come to the conclusion that people don’t really exist. There’s just me and a massive hallucination of a planet occupied by other people. It’s all very well, but why in Hell did I imagine taxes??

Britain today. No more to say! www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Breakfast out this morn. Iberico Ham on a bed of Avocado and tomato, served on Artisan toast! Shopping in Carrefour, uncrowded, fully stocked and no queue! Petrol on the way home… 83p per litre! (0,99€) Perhaps we should consider a return to Blighty?

The Reform company of Britain claims to have more ‘Members’ than the Con-self-servatives. I prefer the term ‘Con-sumers’ since they absorb the bull💩

Two dinosaurs, fighting over who gets to eat a kittens leg. Neither of whom can see the sky lightening as the asteroid approaches… Farage and Badenoch clash over membership figures www.bbc.com/news/article...

Successful morning! A box of Tuno Indio has become several jars of gorgeous jam!

Anyone else unable to upload pictures?? It just ignores me when I try…

Christmas dinner has got a snag… We need a recipe for Pork with a lot of White Wine, where the Pork is in the oven but the White Wine is in us. We popped to the bar for a quick(?) glass…. Friends were there… There is now a problem!

For the few who don’t believe… www.noradsanta.org/en/map

Friends visiting the island over Xmas… today we breakfasted with them in Playa del Ingles. Very pleasant, friendly folks, good to hear of developments in our old country. I’m soooo glad I’m not there!