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jordangerous.bsky.social
I’m not for everyone. Or anyone, really. https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:7y4kxdqkmmlv2hmzzlsj4cq3/feed/aaab35qpioy7w https://allmylinks.com/jordangerous
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Posts 33 Comments 17

I have received two tweets telling me this tweet is ableist. First of all, fuck off. There are actually fascists trying to take this country over and you’re outrage farming because I don’t like your dumb chiclet teeth. Get a grip.

submitted 1 hour ago • 2 comments

Veneers are ugly. Thank you.

submitted 6 hours ago • 4 comments

He stood behind me and rubbed his hands up and down my outer thighs. “I can feel the Frito crumbs on your pants,” he whispered.

submitted 9 hours ago • 7 comments

If covid was a conspiracy by Big Sweatpants to get me to only wear sweatpants for the rest of my life then congratulations to the most goated conspiracy of all time

submitted 1 day ago • 5 comments

Very few things in life that don’t get made better by putting on a concert in a steaming hot shower.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

A conspiracy theory I believe is that phone companies make both phones and cases slippery on purpose.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

It’s really a design flaw that brains can’t be put on airplane mode.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

I’m just saying Full House is coming from a really fucked up place bro. A mother of 3 girls including a 6 month old is killed by a drunk driver so her brother has to move in with her widower and his weird friend? Bleak as fuck yo

submitted 1 day ago • 18 comments

I find your grandmother’s knickknack collection alarmingly lackluster.

submitted 1 day ago • 37 comments

you couldn't make the "brain on drugs" PSA today because the drugs are cheaper than the eggs

submitted 2 days ago • 18 comments

I am not a fan of these new Starbucks cup messages in Sharpie

submitted 1 day ago • 44 comments

if you're having diarrhea and your period you should be allowed to kill one man

submitted 1 day ago • 34 comments

Baby daddy: “You know, you don’t have to go out of your way to be such a bitch all the time. “ Me: “It’s not out of my way. In fact, it’s smack dab in the middle of my route. “

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments

I don’t know guys, might about might be about to enter my mental asylum era, might just need a coffee. It’s a fluid situation. I’ll keep you posted.

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

One thing about me is I’m always scheming.

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

Wait. Is this autism?

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

My only cool talent is that I can tell you with near 100% accuracy the make and model of a car behind me by the headlights in my rear view.

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

I hereby give science permission to extract DNA from my fossilized remains caught in maple syrup for a future Jurassic Park-type scenario

submitted 3 days ago • 13 comments

Not only do I have to go to the office today, but my boss is in town for my one on one and her boss is in town for my skip level. If anybody wants to shoot me in the head between now and the time I get to the office just let me know.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

I know the universe did not give human beings reasoning faculty for shit to turn out this way

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

My kid just was just snooping on my phone screen over my shoulder and said “wow you have 4,000 friends on bluesky? How?” I said “bc I have W rizz, son”.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

the eight hours we spend working and the eight hours we spend sleeping each day should be the same hours in my opinion. how nice would it be to go to bed and wake up right when the workday is over

submitted 3 days ago • 21 comments

Texting all my enemies “it’s my Friday today” just to add a little unnecessary suffering to their day.

submitted 3 days ago • 16 comments

[museum] Her: So who are your favorite artists Me: uh...I like Michelangelo Her: Oh, me too Me: and Donatello is pretty good Her: Me: Raphael Her: Me: [sweating] also casey jones

submitted 3 days ago • 4 comments

cat poop is the loudest smell

submitted 4 days ago • 11 comments

who the fuck moved my fainting couch?

submitted 4 days ago • 15 comments

Hi, I’m Jordan and I’m here to talk to you today about our lord and savior, public libraries.

submitted 4 days ago • 3 comments

I've decided to try to enjoy the ringing in my ears. I'm having a good time. I love how relentless it is.

submitted 4 days ago • 3 comments

You call it discipline, I call it reminding my child that before I was a mother, I was a menace to society.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

Hate it here. Might move to the UK and start calling people gobshites and eating curry sauce on chips. Idk.

submitted 4 days ago • 3 comments

My family crest has a toaster hanging precariously over a bathtub

submitted 4 days ago • 5 comments

I read recently that even the littlest amount of booze can shorten your life expectancy, so I've been drinking liquor exclusively.

submitted 4 days ago • 4 comments

The feminine urge to upper decker your guest bathroom toilet.

submitted 4 days ago • 2 comments