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juiceticles.bsky.social
Carpenter by day, shadow puppet prodigy by night bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaabbu3r6cxpi
1,181 posts 3,755 followers 769 following
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My wife, who dresses the dog in a banana costume, believes my outfit is juvenile.

submitted 8 hours ago • 3 comments

Not now, I'm doing my kegels

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

If you start playing Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon when the MGM lion appears at the beginning of The Wizard of Oz, I can't imagine that you have many friends.

submitted 10 hours ago • 3 comments

I put a coexist sticker on my truck and I post memes on the bluesky everyday, idk what more you could possibly want from me.

submitted 55 days ago • 9 comments

Little Debbie will never ask if it is in yet

submitted 1 hour ago • 1 comment

What if thinking with your dick was the right decision all along?

submitted 4 days ago • 3 comments

The seductive power of my Dukes of Hazzard lunch box with a thermos full of tomato soup.

submitted 21 hours ago • 8 comments

You say introvert, but I say meticulously curated, rigorously assessed, artisanal social interaction

submitted 2 days ago • 8 comments

Gary Buseys morning routine is yodeling off a balcony, putting on a Hawaiian shirt, then ripping off the Hawaiian shirt

submitted 21 hours ago • 0 comments

intermittent fisting

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

Once I get a tractor it's over for you hoes.

submitted 17 hours ago • 5 comments

I like to remind my cat she was born in a barn and she likes to remind me to fuck off.

submitted 2 days ago • 6 comments

*taps guy on shoulder at orgy* Me: You gonna finish that? *points to vagina*

submitted 1 day ago • 5 comments

•first date• Ooh, is that a banana in your pocket? Me: Yes, been carrying it around for 3 days for banana bread.

submitted 13 hours ago • 5 comments

You're in her DMs I'm trying to figure out how she got two wolves in there

submitted 11 hours ago • 3 comments

The best revenge is having a short attention span.

submitted 1 day ago • 12 comments

If my post or comment is awful, please don’t like it. I don’t need to be encouraged.

submitted 11 hours ago • 0 comments

I establish dominance by liking and reposting subskeets just in case they are about me.

submitted 18 hours ago • 0 comments

it’s a glorious day outside *heavy sigh*

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

i'm glad i don't have a thought bubble above my head because when i'm involved in intellectual conversations i'm usually just thinking about some variation of potatoes

submitted 23 hours ago • 33 comments

We never hear about the Harbinger of Relax and Good Vibes

submitted 21 hours ago • 0 comments

I will not hesitate to pussyfoot around.

submitted 15 hours ago • 0 comments

I don't brag about the size of my junk because I measure stuff for a living

submitted 12 hours ago • 2 comments

how to monetize my bsky fetish

submitted 13 hours ago • 1 comment

Happiness is 90% butts

submitted 12 hours ago • 0 comments

When I say I'm posting from a dark place, it's because my mom habitually turns off the lights when she goes back upstairs.

submitted 436 days ago • 0 comments

not having a laundry basket is really hampering my ability to carry clothes

submitted 2 days ago • 7 comments

Before you post that skeet ask yourself “am I a fucking idiot?” Don’t let the answer stop you

submitted 13 hours ago • 6 comments

If you never post anything good, people will expect nothing from you, and that’s where I shine.

submitted 18 hours ago • 4 comments

Thoughts and prayers go out to the people of New Jersey. There was no catastrophe. It’s just fucked up that people have to live here.

submitted 1 day ago • 8 comments

what if cocaine isn't actually good for us what then

submitted 2 days ago • 8 comments

It's not easy being a marshmallow when the world's on fire.

submitted 18 days ago • 5 comments

i dont want to entirely give up on life but i want to make a statement so ima get really into Coldplay

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

The second and third rules of Fight Club are to remember to stay hydrated and to have a good time

submitted 4 days ago • 3 comments

Wonderful if literal. Rolling in dough.

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

I have a memory like one of those big grey things you know the ones I mean.

submitted 1 day ago • 20 comments

Taking a sabbatical from work to read the entire Garfield canon.

submitted 1 day ago • 13 comments

My fridge is just condiments and cheese.

submitted 4 days ago • 5 comments

Who called it learning subtraction instead of teaching us a lessen?

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

Me: *gets possessed Demon: you live like this??

submitted 3 days ago • 10 comments

Got fired from the sex hotline for saying Hoss too much

submitted 1 day ago • 10 comments

I’m too high for these streets

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

My life has become a race to see what gets me first, bankruptcy or the angel of death.

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

My vagina is a portal to a dimension beyond space and time

submitted 1 day ago • 16 comments

I love those “falling rocks” signs on the side of the road so I can feel helpless AND afraid

submitted 1 day ago • 12 comments

If you and I were the last two people on earth what would you use to smother me to death?

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

*from behind your shower curtain* did you mute me?

submitted 3 days ago • 5 comments

Moved to the country and extremely disappointed at the lack of peaches.

submitted 2 days ago • 3 comments

a straitjacket you can eat your way out of

submitted 2 days ago • 32 comments

Ring of Fire, by Johnny Cash, is my favorite song about the Ring of Fire that is my butthole after this food poisoning.

submitted 2 days ago • 2 comments