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kalvinmacleod.bsky.social
Boardgame enthusiast. Socially awkward. Dumb: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:7um6cygepxtnieeqlat6crrn/feed/aaaeez754tysi
1,916 posts 14,918 followers 296 following
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Posts 35 Comments 15

In hindsight, it was a bad move to install the mulberry bushes. We’ve lost a lot of weasels.

submitted 3 days ago • 10 comments

Russian roulette is like regular roulette as long as you haven’t died nyet.

submitted 6 days ago • 3 comments

there should be an emotional pain scale like 0-10+, how many funny animal reels do you have to watch per day to stay alive

submitted 6 days ago • 16 comments

The perfect bird feeder doesn't exi--

submitted 7 days ago • 1 comment

this should automatically happen when you’re tempted to look at a muted reply

submitted 7 days ago • 25 comments

It's funny being remote and hating your job and saying things like "I gotta get out of this place" but the place is like your house

submitted 6 days ago • 27 comments

40 out of 50 dentists agree that fractions was a waste of time.

submitted 6 days ago • 3 comments

ME: it’s 69 degrees in france FRIEND: nice ME: no paris

submitted 8 days ago • 12 comments

If you hate Mondays so much why don’t you eat lasagna about it pal

submitted 42 days ago • 38 comments

When Kendrick said "bing bop boom boom boom bop bam" I felt that

submitted 7 days ago • 10 comments

When a baby is about to be born, someone always has to boil water. It's for the baby's first hot dogs.

submitted 8 days ago • 27 comments

DETECTIVE: whoever says the rhyme did the crime SUSPECT 1: it wasn’t me SUSPECT 2: it wasn't me ME: nor did I make him die MY LAWYER: *pinches the bridge of his nose*

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

A jury but it's all dogs

submitted 8 days ago • 37 comments

Got kicked out of the garden centre for whispering 'With great flower comes great beesponsibility' to all their customers.

submitted 8 days ago • 10 comments

i can’t wait to love my child no matter who they love

submitted 8 days ago • 18 comments

“At first, I was afraid I was petrified" - paranoid wood

submitted 7 days ago • 4 comments

Got fired from the drive thru for telling customers “The root of your suffering is your desire”

submitted 11 days ago • 13 comments

who you are in the replies, that's the real you

submitted 10 days ago • 54 comments

they say it takes more muscles to frown than to smile, but for most people i'm willing to go the extra mile

submitted 18 days ago • 12 comments

your honor, can we have court outside today

submitted 10 days ago • 12 comments

I’m starting to suspect the government doesn’t want what’s best for me

submitted 8 days ago • 5 comments

I just got into a shouting match with a mime…at least I think I did.

submitted 7 days ago • 4 comments

when I die put my body on the hot dog roller at 7-Eleven

submitted 9 days ago • 13 comments

Chase your dreams. Follow them wherever they take you, no matter how far or how winding the roads. Never give up. Run red lights. Cross the median. Box your dreams in and force them down a dead-end street. Grab them while they try to scale a rusted chain link fence. This ends now

submitted 9 days ago • 4 comments

Hello neighbor who I have met close to 40 times and I still do not remember your name. How is your something or whatever?

submitted 40 days ago • 6 comments

[motions for you to roll down your window] Hey I noticed you didn't add me to your starter pack

submitted 9 days ago • 5 comments

So people are now saying there's water on the moon. That's lunar sea.

submitted 10 days ago • 5 comments

Grandma hated fancy things, so I’ve drawn this ouija board on the back of a Denny’s menu

submitted 10 days ago • 6 comments

you gotta be faster

submitted 10 days ago • 127 comments

DOCTOR: so what brought you in to see me today ME: my legs and before that a volkswagen

submitted 10 days ago • 15 comments

I don't know how to act around a dog that doesn't love me

submitted 9 days ago • 17 comments

I fell yesterday and yelled, "Now I have to start over!" No one understood I meant the safety sign in my head that has been reset to zero days since my last accident

submitted 10 days ago • 25 comments

PROCTOLOGIST: we need to do some follow up scans ME: but doctor- PROCTOLOGIST: please stop calling me that

submitted 9 days ago • 4 comments

Well that's the last time I eat a ream of paper for dinner

submitted 10 days ago • 27 comments

I absolutely hate having to ask for help, but for the first time in my life, I feel completely helpless and hopeless. Everything bad that can happen to a sarcastic twit like me has happened in a single month, capped off with a bad car wreck that I am grateful to have survived. Much love, friends

submitted 10 days ago • 42 comments