kalvinmacleod.bsky.social - Profile | ThreadSky | a Reddit-style client for Bluesky

WIFE: we have a lot of gardening to do ME: bites cyanide pill WIFE: that was a skittle ME: #resist

submitted 4 hours ago • 0 comments

HER: spills coffee quick hand me a cloth ME: which one? HER: it doesn’t matter ME: so would you say you’re … ragnostic? HER: uses her shirt

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

Imagine this: it’s your 80th birthday. You look back satisfied with life. You’re surrounded by people who love you. The Hamburglar is there.

submitted 2 days ago • 24 comments

he's a 10 but he yells "HUZZAH!" when you take off your shirt

submitted 3 days ago • 53 comments

a chip eaten off the ground is a floorito

submitted 2 days ago • 15 comments

Gray Roots Barbie™️

submitted 1 day ago • 4 comments

Hm at some point in my evening I took out my phone, made a note that says "Pelican at the disco" and put my phone away

submitted 1 day ago • 19 comments

[gentle voice] babe. babe, wake up- i made you some hotel room coffee with sink water

submitted 1 day ago • 57 comments

god creating the black widow

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

me: how much for the goth scrabble? store clerk: that's a Ouija board

submitted 2 days ago • 10 comments

your new password cannot be the same as your last 100 passwords, no you did that one already

submitted 3 days ago • 20 comments

They're called hummingbirds because they don't know the words to any of the bird songs.

submitted 2 days ago • 6 comments

Some might consider it arguable, but I believe the definition of debatable is open for discussion.

submitted 2 days ago • 8 comments

ME: I’d like to donate my body to science DOCTOR: ok ME: like right now

submitted 5 days ago • 5 comments

WIFE: So what did you do today? ME: I wrote a song about the medieval Kings of England. Called 'It's Reigning Men'. HER: Sometimes it's ok to say 'nothing'.

submitted 2 days ago • 7 comments

I put a little dab of ketchup on every spider I see in case that’s the one I eat in the middle of the night.

submitted 2 days ago • 17 comments

me: worms can't express my love for you but they're all i have girlfriend: you mean words lol me: shooing away a flock of birds just open the box babe

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

Google maps needs a route option called "See the most cows"

submitted 2 days ago • 55 comments

I'd be self-employed but I don't want to work for that idiot.

submitted 3 days ago • 9 comments

the worst part of all this is everything about it

submitted 5 days ago • 20 comments

‘they can’t put a tariff on this’ i say pointing to my brain as it leaks out my ear

submitted 3 days ago • 3 comments

My natural predator is time.