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kaylachowshow.bsky.social
đź’™ Survived my mid-mid-life crisis. //SUPER MARRIED//BOY MOM//CATS//TACOS//SUNSCREEN//BEER//MURDERINO//LACTOSE INTOLERANT đź’™
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Posts 41 Comments 9

Yelling “I guess I’ll go fuck myself” when no one blesses my sneeze.

submitted 10 days ago • 1 comment

My toddler talks a lot of shit for someone who poops their pants in the middle of the living room every day.

submitted 10 days ago • 0 comments

I was late clocking into work from home because I was playing laser tag with my cats.

submitted 14 days ago • 0 comments

It’s so windy today, a toupee just flew up my butt.

submitted 23 days ago • 1 comment

My favorite part of my husband doing home improvement projects is that he buys stuff from 3 different home improvement stores, mixes it all together, loses the receipts and then has to return half the stuff.

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

I hope this email finds you palms sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, vomit on your sweater already, mom’s spaghetti.

submitted 44 days ago • 0 comments

Calling this month Feblueberry from now on.

submitted 50 days ago • 0 comments

What do you call a cup with bronchitis? A coughy cup.

submitted 62 days ago • 1 comment

Packing 47 pairs of underwear for a 3 day vacation.

submitted 70 days ago • 1 comment

My passion project Pinky Promise House in Anoka, MN 🎀

submitted 71 days ago • 0 comments

If someone calls you fat, eat them.

submitted 71 days ago • 0 comments

Just once I’d like to blow my nose and see something cool like, A BRAND NEW CARRRR!

submitted 71 days ago • 0 comments

Work is boring today. I hope someone shits their pants.

submitted 71 days ago • 0 comments

My husband just slapped my ass and I farted. Just in case you’re looking for a glimpse into our marriage.

submitted 73 days ago • 1 comment

My 3 year old said “good job, I’m proud of you” 🥹

submitted 73 days ago • 1 comment

What if the coffee grinder is silent and the beans are screaming?

submitted 73 days ago • 15 comments

Back in my day we went sledding downhill both ways.

submitted 97 days ago • 1 comment

“I’m hot and cold and sweaty.” Shit my toddler says that gives me zero direction.

submitted 97 days ago • 0 comments

It’s like my therapist always says, that’ll be $175

submitted 99 days ago • 0 comments

I’m at an age where I notice a really nice tupperware.

submitted 100 days ago • 0 comments

I match energies, so if you fart, I fart.

submitted 101 days ago • 0 comments

Normalize not giving your heart to someone on Christmas. You need that heart bro.

submitted 102 days ago • 1 comment

If someone tells you to drive safe then that means they love you and you better drive safe you piece of shit.

submitted 103 days ago • 0 comments

Microdosing sleep by blinking.

submitted 103 days ago • 2 comments

Playing bingo is like edging.

submitted 104 days ago • 1 comment

Laxatives are like edibles. You should wait a bit before taking more.

submitted 105 days ago • 1 comment

My brain be like, maybe I should just get super worried about it.

submitted 105 days ago • 0 comments

You can have dirty dishes in the sink but they all have to be in the SAME side of the sink.

submitted 105 days ago • 1 comment

Facebook is down? THAT WHORE.

submitted 106 days ago • 1 comment

Casually walking back to my cubicle after taking a 47 minute diarrhea.

submitted 107 days ago • 2 comments

The secret to a successful relationship is butter.

submitted 108 days ago • 1 comment

You’ve heard of Elf on Shelf but have you heard of using your blinker you inconsiderate piece of shit?

submitted 108 days ago • 3 comments

There are 2 kinds of people: •People who eat McDonald’s •People who loudly declare they can’t remember the last time they ate McDonald’s

submitted 109 days ago • 1 comment

Things don’t turn into a ballroom blitz like they used to.

submitted 110 days ago • 4 comments

*gently places finger on caroler's lips* you had me at "O come"

submitted 111 days ago • 5 comments

ME: [first day working at the Christmas tree farm] I shall treat them with love and attention as if they were my pets. BOSS: That's awesome ME: My fir babies HIM: Get out

submitted 111 days ago • 6 comments

Who’s down with N A P? Yeah you know me.

submitted 111 days ago • 0 comments

Playing never have I ever with my toddler and this kid hasn’t done shit.

submitted 112 days ago • 2 comments

Sex is cool but have you ever cut an entire piece of wrapping paper without hitting a snag?

submitted 112 days ago • 2 comments

Get in loser, we’re having a mental breakdown.

submitted 113 days ago • 6 comments

Some of you have never kicked an ice cube under the refrigerator and I can tell.

submitted 113 days ago • 4 comments