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kellalena.bsky.social
Make me laugh and I’ll love you forever https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:vvlw2ggojhkpmivjzdcniuzr/feed/aaafyok6b2wuy
1,723 posts 9,243 followers 571 following
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Posts 47 Comments 3

Can I come over and make you worry about me?

submitted 2 minutes ago • 0 comments

Eating popcorn in the dentist waiting area

submitted 2 hours ago • 15 comments

Vulnerability is sexy AF

submitted 1 day ago • 11 comments

My morning Oatmeal Crème Pie Chai Latte is the only sex I’m currently getting

submitted 3 hours ago • 4 comments

Combo meal dreams on a value menu budget.

submitted 15 hours ago • 1 comment

Mutual destruction sounds a lot like love to me.

submitted 13 hours ago • 1 comment

Believe me. I'm lying.

submitted 13 hours ago • 2 comments

*wakes you up with an orgasm and a cup of coffee*

submitted 5 hours ago • 2 comments

I'm lying. Believe me.

submitted 4 hours ago • 3 comments

Much like meth or heroin, Taco Bell can bring the worst out of people.

submitted 4 hours ago • 1 comment

[society crumbling all around us] Guys: I should send her a picture of my dick.

submitted 5 hours ago • 6 comments

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but unfortunately you CANNOT kill people with kindness.

submitted 3 hours ago • 0 comments

I spy with my little eye another lip injection gone awry.

submitted 23 hours ago • 1 comment

You're right vodka, I can totally win her back with this late night drunkin text

submitted 1 day ago • 5 comments

TurboTax: would you like to pay with your Federal Refund? Bitch you know I owe a billion dollars why you taunting me?

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

I never expected to come to an age where I need readers to watch porn, but here we are

submitted 19 hours ago • 5 comments

My existential crisis wants to hang out with your existential crisis.

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

If I ever made you reevaluate your sense of humor, mission accomplished.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

Lately, I've been waking up at 4.20. I understand the allusion but it's illegal in Poland.

submitted 12 hours ago • 3 comments

There are two cats inside of me. One staring at me and one ignoring me.

submitted 8 hours ago • 8 comments

Idk about other women, but my place is in the kitchen, right between the fridge, the existential dread, and an embarrassing amount of cheese I pretend is for the guests.

submitted 7 hours ago • 8 comments

I have two wolves inside me, and they are both fucking idiots.

submitted 5 hours ago • 3 comments

Got a promotion at work. Finally being noticed for my amazing ability to fake looking busy.

submitted 4 hours ago • 27 comments

I wonder if my soulmate thinks about me as much as I think about arson.

submitted 3 hours ago • 4 comments

One would think the folks at Keurig would make that drip catcher big enough to hold a full cup for dummies who forget to put the cup in place. But nooooo....

submitted 34 minutes ago • 0 comments

I’ll never forget when that girl did the ‘Basic Instinct’ thing opposite me on a crowded train. My mind may have embellished the memory a little though, such as how beautiful she was, how hairy her knees were, and how it’s true after all what they say about what Scottish men wear under their kilts.

submitted 3 hours ago • 3 comments

I promise to never be thrilled to announce anything on linkedin

submitted 4 hours ago • 9 comments

LOOK AT ME GODDAMNIT -daffodils

submitted 3 hours ago • 13 comments

Furthermore, in New York, the plural of “you” is “youse guys.” Therefore I ask that you find my client not guilty

submitted 3 hours ago • 3 comments

You should be able to twist the bottom of the pringles can to bring the chips up to the top like a chapstick.

submitted 37 days ago • 4 comments

This is the year of: Woke up like dis…mutherfucker.

submitted 3 hours ago • 1 comment

I can't tell you how long I've dreamed about dying in an easily preventable workplace accident while returning outstanding value to my employer's shareholders

submitted 2 hours ago • 1 comment

lately life has felt remarkably similar to having a newborn at home, but only in the worst ways (day is night/night is day, you’re always awake and all your friends stop calling), but with none of the Big Stretches and little Baby Sighs to take the edge off

submitted 2 hours ago • 2 comments

I just saw a Mercedes use its blinker

submitted 2 hours ago • 15 comments

boop du jour

submitted 37 minutes ago • 4 comments

What if you only think you're sassy but in reality you're just fucking rude.

submitted 1 hour ago • 0 comments

Today, Satan

submitted 2 hours ago • 13 comments

I love to open my windows to let in the beautiful weather and so my neighbors can learn my kids' middle names.

submitted 1 hour ago • 3 comments

Dress for the job you want. *continues ironing my good slippers*

submitted 1 hour ago • 3 comments

Fell off the scaffolding of your heart trying to recreate that one scene from Rush Hour 2 in your heart

submitted 48 minutes ago • 0 comments

I got another thing I wanna bitch about but I’m worried I’m coming off kinda bitchy lol

submitted 13 hours ago • 4 comments

First of all, fuck you. Second, yes, exercise helped. Nobody likes smug.

submitted 15 hours ago • 4 comments

I'm about to violently overthrow this Walgreens.

submitted 22 hours ago • 3 comments

Unplugged my vape and sucked on the power cord and boy do I feel energized.

submitted 22 hours ago • 5 comments

I'm tired of choking on my own spit, can I choke on yours?

submitted 19 hours ago • 15 comments

MAGA is discovering that “owning the libs” comes with enormous collateral damage.

submitted 19 hours ago • 0 comments

If we survive this, we’re going to have to have a serious discussion about not ceding the Overton Window to shitheads

submitted 15 hours ago • 3 comments