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kellalena.bsky.social
Make me laugh and I’ll love you forever https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:vvlw2ggojhkpmivjzdcniuzr/feed/aaafyok6b2wuy
1,264 posts 8,183 followers 519 following
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Happy Caturday 😽

I don't know which insurance company to use. They're all so funny.

*digging ever closer to the center of the earth* There has to be some of my dignity down here somewhere.

Misty, dim, and dark? That's me!

I'd rather be road tripping along extraterrestrial super highways. I guess this will have to do.

If you keep accepting less and less as enough, eventually you'll be left with nothing.

Pissing people off to the point where they end up liking me is my specialty. It's the only way I know how to make friends.

Accidentally put a folded up fitted sheet into my wife’s underwear drawer.

Try to remember: life is about joy, and the cost of that joy, love.

well if that don't make your day, you are probably existing in the same hellscape the rest of us are huh

It was the worst of times, it was the holy smokes how much worse are things gonna get of times.

Even you funny fuckers need a hug sometimes. I love you.

I can’t think of anyone I’d rather drive off a cliff with than you.

Yeah, but what is the administration gonna do about the fact that birds aren’t real and they’re all robots?

Tina: You're simply the best. Me: What do you mean by that? Tina: Better than all the rest. Me: Oh! Thanks for the clarification.

Let’s be honest, it’s not just the summer that’s cruel.

my carpet is beige & my drapes are ecru, in answer to your question

Not to brag, but I don't need to use a snapchat filter in order to look completely ridiculous in a photo.

Move like you have a purpose in life, otherwise get out of my way . . . life is too short to be lollygagging . . .

Yesterday I was sitting next to this chatty 4 year old while waiting for my therapist . . . made me so glad that I have 3 adult children that ignore me.

Pro Tip: Teach your toddlers to count to ten as soon as they show an interest in numbers . . . so they can reset the router when needed.

You know . . . really we're all just here to witness each other's mental health deteriorate.

It’s Costco day. I’m ready with social distancing people by humming Christmas songs.

If I had any I would call my bangers feed bangers a gongers get it onners

My dog stares out the window like he's recreating a Joe Biden meme.

You know.. Gotta tell ya.. I'm not usually this upbeat *continues digging bunker*

The best way to avoid wasting good money on expensive binoculars or telescopes is by simply standing closer to the object that you wish to view. Tune in tomorrow for another secret the Illuminati don't want you to know.

My girlfriend keeps the coffee pods in the cupboard that is the furthest from the Keurig machine, not in the one right above it What a psychopath

Still punk as fuck, I murmur as I download a new weather app

Cringe is just the baseline

this apocalypse needs a soundtrack

It's Dangerous to Go Alone, Take This, but it's a barrel of SSRIs and antipsychotics, because you're not actually in a video game, this is all real, and seeing an Octorok in the flesh can drive a man quite mad

I’m going to be the Mayor of Naptown this afternoon

We should all collectively agree to take our pants off and relax.

Quiet.. look sane. It’s safer that way.

Mindfulness sounds dangerous

Stay humble by listening to a recording of your own voice.

I feel like we don’t talk enough about how underrated the feeling of wearing a new pair of socks is.

Life's all about choice and today I can't decide if I should deep clean my kitchen or throw myself into an active volcano.

the masculine urge to pour all the crushed chips at the bottom of the bag into his mouth at once

Fine. I’ll use alt text. But it’s not my fault if you don’t get it.