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keysterglenjamin.bsky.social
Blahaj enjoyer, soup connoisseur, table denier
176 posts 62 followers 105 following
Prolific Poster

Coasting off of this until the day I die

This and a case of beer between my legs

Born to see how loud I can fart, forced to crap my pants

Ong I’m such a big and greedy fatass

This and 3 billions dollars

Yeah uhhhhhh, I’ll have eggs

“Preesh” you a grown man in your 30s dawg, put a suit on and get to work

RED BULL 🗣️🔥

Aprils fools, your lazy ass didn’t do shit today

What your ears so big for, damn

Doing adult shit with my coworkers, like discussing what kind of couches we have and when we plan on upgrading them, then immediately skeeting about it

How I be reading my own skeets and xweets

“You grow to be the person younger you would feel safe around” I am a mess

This and affordable living 🤤🤤🤤

Now what the hell is this

Let bro borrow my clippers and he came back with a full beard 😔

🇨🇦 I inhaled the hashbrown moments before the photo was taken, so pretend it’s there

What a terrifying young lad

Everyone wants “old timey love” until I launch a missile of an apple at their face to declare my proposal

The 15 Stellaris fans when they get to “play” their coloured spread sheet for 6 hours straight.

The humble sewer rat:

Why your ears so damn big

It’s so cold outside even the tweakers have migrated

If there’s Club Soda at my funeral when I die, I will come back and drown a mf in that shit

This was exactly $20 CAD after tax

Goodbye

If I’m not supposed to drink and drive then why the FUCK do I need to bring my license to buy a handle of vodka

She’s named after a soda, which is fitting because she’s obese

On all your souls this year is my year

They should invent an alcohol that doesn’t make me cry and think about my ex

My poor liver getting ready to fight the brown liquid I found in the freezer and half a bottle of pain killers again

You’re a genuine freak of nature if you prefer ankle socks over normal ones; and that’s not an opinion, that’s fact

Babe you aren’t dark and mysterious, you’re autistic and a little unsettling

Can I trade mine in for a normal one, or do I gotta keep The Boy

“Lore drop” bitch, that’s trauma dumping, you just needed a cooler name for it

um

Soup tastes better after shovelling snow, and if you don’t like soup you’re either a child or never shovelled snow like that

Tellin my old ass coworker I stayed up until 2 am playing video games and smoking weed just to see his reaction>>

“I don’t have an accent” yes the fuck you do, it came free with speaking

Vodka is a dish,,,, best served. Vehicle

Making eye contact above the lil urinal wall divider things is wild, like damn, might as well just get over here and hold it for me already 🤭✨

What’s going on with Americans. If I’m grubbin at someone’s house and they bring out fucking Mayomust, I’m sorry but killing everyone in the building including myself

Bonar so fast my zipper shot off like a bullet ,,,