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kimtopher22.bsky.social
Unremarkably loquacious non-human biologic https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:gb2ky5aemtzfb4qfe6673gcg/feed/aaadejrva2vfa
1,338 posts 5,162 followers 726 following
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Posts 48 Comments 1

The date was going terribly until I bought nachos

submitted 12 hours ago • 7 comments

It's sometimes hard to imagine that the world can bear the weight of our collective sadness.

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

Who misses Pontiacs and Mercuries?

submitted 1 day ago • 2 comments

I love listening to the rain on the roof at night

submitted 2 days ago • 5 comments

what if cocaine isn't actually good for us what then

submitted 3 days ago • 8 comments

Don't ask me "How stupid can you be?" without giving me some kind of scale to work with, man.

submitted 1 day ago • 5 comments

The press needs to stop acting like they don’t have a stake in the outcome.

submitted 3 days ago • 2 comments

“Do you follow Jesus this closely?” If he drove 5 miles under the speed limit, the answer is yes, Carol

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

History is written by the victors, but thankfully the good guys have always won.

submitted 3 days ago • 14 comments

I offer unconditional love and conditional tolerance.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

avoiding people that continuously trigger your mental health and lower your vibe is top tier self-care

submitted 6 days ago • 2 comments

As a party, we are prisoners being held hostage by people who simply refuse to accept that their time has passed and won’t accept that others more capable right now. Stay in the Senate, but step down from leadership. It’s time for a new approach, a new face, & a new voice.

submitted 1 day ago • 2651 comments

Happy Hitler Shoots Himself In The Head day to all who celebrate. The 80th anniversary. May his ignominious end, with his body doused in petrol and burned by his last remaining loyalists, be a model for all tyrants.

submitted 1 day ago • 37 comments

One time I drank a kombucha so sublime I woke up in Utica 3 days later with a tattoo of Duke Ellington on my thigh

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

I can tell you’re not a serial killer, you have zero charm.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

It’s a Death Camp, Charlie Brown!

submitted 16 days ago • 0 comments

My superpower is giving you the middle finger using my eyes only.

submitted 1 day ago • 11 comments

Craft Beer Boss content 😎

submitted 1 day ago • 3 comments

Had to make my own smoothie this morning like Laura Fucking Ingalls Wilder.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

I don't want to brag, but I'm wearing four different shades of gray today. Five, if you count parts of my beard.

submitted 1 day ago • 1 comment

I may not be totally put together but at least I’ve never lost just one shoe in the middle of the road.

submitted 1 day ago • 24 comments

It's a "like" to a post on social media. You're not bequeathing them your entire estate. Stop being so stingy.

submitted 1 day ago • 16 comments

The only thing harder than sexting is pretending I meant to say “ducking” instead of the other word. “Like yeah, babe, I’m really into ornithology.”

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

i get anxious every time i return to the airport in los angeles. it’s not very reLAXing, is what im saying . folks,,

submitted 1 day ago • 6 comments

I like to smell good because there is no one who has to be around me more than me

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

There is so much beauty in the world and none of it wants anything to do with ne

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

I’m not playing their game if we run out of toilet paper again I’ll wash my ass with the hose

submitted 2 days ago • 11 comments

When I rev my chainsaw you may assume that the conversation is over

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

I have a memory like one of those big grey things you know the ones I mean.

submitted 1 day ago • 20 comments

NASA has finally received a response to the thousands of messages it has transmitted for decades looking to establish communications with intelligent extraterrestrial life: "We're good."

submitted 2 days ago • 5 comments

Don't skimp on the jelly

submitted 2 days ago • 0 comments

If I ever threaten you with a good time, it just means I’m going to leave you the hell alone.

submitted 2 days ago • 3 comments

TIRED: This too shall pass. WIRED: This too sucks ass.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

I didn’t burn that bridge. I fucking blew it up and salted the earth.

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

Don’t rebuild what caused you to break.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

I should be allowed to move to Canada since I have a beaver

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

The two genders

submitted 156 days ago • 16 comments

I'm the best conversationalist with all the little creatures that can not speak.

submitted 2 days ago • 1 comment

What doesn't kill you really needs to get its shit together.

submitted 2 days ago • 4 comments

As Autumn approaches in the Southern hemisphere it's time for me to unpack my Teletubbies onesie and liberate all this pent-up sensuality.

submitted 2 days ago • 5 comments

Man I’m so tired from all the sex I had last night and then I had to get up early and count all my money.

submitted 2 days ago • 6 comments

Rooting for the Cavs tonight so I of course fully anticipate that the Heat will win

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

I just want to go back to when the most important thing going on was which heavy metal back patch I bought for my jacket

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

My first mistake? Opening that box of Nilla Wafers.

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

*stands on chair* I HAVE EATEN FROM THE GARDEN OF GOOD & EVIL Policeman: No ma’am, you tongued the triple fountains at Golden Corral MY KNOWLEDGE IS VAST

submitted 3 days ago • 1 comment

The Pope's funeral was a solemn affair. I suspect Trump's will be more like this. youtu.be/Dkq7WZTzkLQ?...

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Wish I had all the wealth and power so I can skeet all day every day

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

Kristi Noem is refusing to press charges against the guy who stole her bag. She prefers to take him out in the woods behind her house and shoot him.

submitted 3 days ago • 11 comments