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kmillz.lol
not your mother’s® favorite poster better half → @smillz.lol 💍 todays shits ⤷ https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:kz7qpoj4lgmpfdiijbkuopvn/feed/aaabh4bkxa7cu yesterdays favorites ⤷ https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:kz7qpoj4lgmpfdiijbkuopvn/feed/aaadeqjfxdgag
6,002 posts 8,413 followers 345 following
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Posts 49 Comments 1

i had 3 slices of margherita pizza and i didn’t even get a little bit buzzed

submitted 83 days ago • 11 comments

“i’m still punk” i whisper as i replace the insoles in my new vans w/ dr scholls

submitted 18 days ago • 28 comments

I’m thinking about live tweeting my therapy sessions. Anyone interested?

submitted 20 days ago • 3 comments

therapist: this isn’t going to work if you don't open up and talk to me mime:

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

I am a woman of a certain age, and if you don’t know that means I am required to sing Alanis Morisette at the top of my lungs, You Oughta Know

submitted 19 days ago • 7 comments

just realized that Shrek came out just a couple months before 9/11. an entire generation is trauma bonded to Shrek and i think that’s beautiful

submitted 19 days ago • 9 comments

i’m like the michael jordan of saying “huh?” even though i heard you perfectly the first time

submitted 18 days ago • 10 comments

all of my followers (cultists) have full permission to be stupid. i am sure many of you were practicing unlicensed before, but feel comfort in knowing you won't be breaking the law anymore

submitted 18 days ago • 3 comments

ACAB includes people who schedule meetings from 12-1pm

submitted 18 days ago • 4 comments

some skeets are so on point that they feel like a hug

submitted 18 days ago • 0 comments

i think one of my plant babies is having a baby

submitted 18 days ago • 6 comments

Something noteworthy.

submitted 19 days ago • 0 comments

i'll be your reply guy if you'll be my reply gal

submitted 18 days ago • 6 comments

sheriff of naughty hams sounds like a pretty sweet setup

submitted 38 days ago • 2 comments

if a smurf gets sunburned do you think it turns red or purple

submitted 19 days ago • 29 comments

finally learned how to pick locks it didn’t even take that long i just said “those locks please”

submitted 18 days ago • 9 comments

hi there, I saw you from across the bar… these new glasses are great

submitted 19 days ago • 10 comments

Not stopping for people in the crosswalk anymore either, that ship has sailed

submitted 21 days ago • 11 comments

pull the fire alarm at work today. create chaos. let loose. tell them i told you to do it so you sound crazy.

submitted 18 days ago • 2 comments

𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘰𝘰? thats from when i was a fuckin dipshit

submitted 18 days ago • 1 comment

*takes your hand Goodmorning beautiful, let’s get through another day being the sensual, jorts wearing motherfuckers we are.

submitted 18 days ago • 3 comments

hey you yes you you deserve to be happy

submitted 18 days ago • 2 comments

I love you to the moon and back- me to this giant plate of nachos

submitted 20 days ago • 0 comments

You can't make me beg for mercy. You're not my 3rd grade bully

submitted 19 days ago • 4 comments

I just think it’s cute that Haribo puts “Share Size” on the bags

submitted 19 days ago • 2 comments

having the hardest time getting women to notice me. what's a guy gotta do to get murdered?

submitted 18 days ago • 6 comments

It's not a chore if you don't do it.

submitted 18 days ago • 3 comments

Damn gurl, am I your eyebrows? Because you got me fucked up

submitted 27 days ago • 0 comments

*wearing a fake moustache and glasses to make sure none of your coworkers are funnier than me*

submitted 20 days ago • 1 comment

frankie

submitted 18 days ago • 20 comments

Alexa, how do I monetize telling people to go fuck themselves?

submitted 18 days ago • 10 comments

I made you a format joke, please respond

submitted 18 days ago • 2 comments

[pokes your baby with a stick] what's it do?

submitted 18 days ago • 2 comments

sleep when the baby sleeps or weep when the baby weeps

submitted 19 days ago • 10 comments

You're smarter than the average idiot..slow wink.

submitted 18 days ago • 5 comments

look i'm one man doing the work of ¼ to maybe ⅓ of a normal guy, what more do you want from me

submitted 18 days ago • 0 comments

“role over,” Lassie’s trainer tells Lassie at Lassie’s final performance as Lassie. folks,,

submitted 20 days ago • 5 comments

nana couldn’t use a computer but she did enable cookies heyoooooo

submitted 18 days ago • 7 comments

Just a one trick pony? Sir that's a fucking pony that can do a trick! That shit does not come as standard

submitted 19 days ago • 1 comment

I kinda hope we never figure out how time travel works cos I'm still trying to master my days of the week socks

submitted 19 days ago • 3 comments

Being put out to pasture sounds so good thank you

submitted 20 days ago • 18 comments

Personally I'm pretty horny about companies going bankrupt trying to automate everything

submitted 18 days ago • 20 comments

I bet Son of Baconator was bullied in school

submitted 19 days ago • 15 comments

Explain it to me like I’m 42

submitted 18 days ago • 30 comments

Looking for someone to cast a spell that makes flies explode if they land on me more than once.

submitted 19 days ago • 17 comments

people say frances: too soon! the body's not even cold yet! rigor mortis hasn't even set in! the corpse is still warm, supple and luxurious! you could still wrap its flesh around you! you could still waltz around the house with it draped over you like a fancy housecoat! this is not the time to joke!

submitted 18 days ago • 3 comments

i asked someone if they wanted to be my boyfriend and he replied "lol" is that good

submitted 18 days ago • 43 comments

Man we were supposed to coordinate and you just ran off and ordinated before I was ready

submitted 18 days ago • 5 comments

i need more comedic props in my life how much do kazoos cost

submitted 18 days ago • 15 comments