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knewagirlnic.bsky.social
Nope, just no, definitely nope. Stuff I said: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:uogum6c6auqmpmr4mbcbd4sz/feed/aaaksbaegxqjw
402 posts 203 followers 226 following
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Posts 43 Comments 7

A shamed Samurai always goes with his gut.

submitted 15 hours ago • 6 comments

Teacher: Write what you know. Student: *writes "what you know."*

submitted 13 hours ago • 0 comments

Drizzle sounds funny when you aren’t expecting it

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

turns out it wasn't a heart attack i was just yawning a lot

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

Alexa: Hold my purchases!

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

If I need to put pants on for it that’s a hard pass for me.

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

Just opened 3 birthday cards and so far I have 80 bucks. I love being a postman.

submitted 85 days ago • 1 comment

Imagine being rich enough to do anything you want and choosing to take food and medicine from starving children to give yourself even more money.

submitted 9 days ago • 1924 comments

I know a lot about double wing offense, if that does it for you.

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

Alexa, exit thru the gift shop.

submitted 2 hours ago • 1 comment

There’s no new normal. There’s nothing normal anymore. There’s regular, weird, freaky and wtf

submitted 82 days ago • 0 comments

We’re all just a bunch of broken Doritos at the bottom of the bag.

submitted 105 days ago • 19 comments

Did everyone go to bed already??

submitted 2 hours ago • 2 comments

Real Housewives of Waffle House

submitted 95 days ago • 41 comments

Adulthood is telling yourself you’ll feel better after you clean the house every day until you die.

submitted 110 days ago • 19 comments

My signature move is apologizing for making it weird when it wasn’t even weird, thus making it weird

submitted 86 days ago • 34 comments

🏆

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

Not mad, not regretful, but a secret and painful third thing

submitted 3 hours ago • 5 comments

Your watchdog group has zero dogs. Lame.

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

This could be us…

submitted 4 hours ago • 1 comment

Took a vacation with my dad and he only called me a communist once

submitted 1 day ago • 51 comments

Uh oh AI just suggested I respond to a linkedin recruiter with "Fuck you I hate jobs"

submitted 1 day ago • 13 comments

Who you are around free, high value condiments is your true self

submitted 15 hours ago • 20 comments

Not sleepy or horny but a secret third thing

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

I'm a former child, but I still hold some of their beliefs.

submitted 23 hours ago • 0 comments

I hope your family sees my dildo posts during dinner

submitted 7 hours ago • 1 comment

WIFE: honey, I like Wilson Phillips too but I think you’re in too deep ME: don’t you know… things can change WIFE: This is hard to watch ME: can you hold on for one more day?

submitted 9 hours ago • 0 comments

to answer your question no

submitted 7 hours ago • 1 comment

Losing weight is cool if you want to look like a Dali painting

submitted 1 day ago • 12 comments

Sometimes you're someone's karma.

submitted 22 hours ago • 0 comments

Most of us pretend in one way or another every single day.

submitted 11 hours ago • 0 comments

Me to my little nephew: “Who do we call if we smell smoke?” “DoorDash?”

submitted 2 hours ago • 0 comments

She's a 10 but she says bullcr*p.

submitted 19 hours ago • 0 comments

Saturday night’s alright for fighting But every night‘s alright for fretting

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

can we flash forward already

submitted 1 day ago • 0 comments

You think I'm concerning now, you should read the shit I don't skeet.

submitted 1 day ago • 7 comments

Weird how cops are allowed to tell women they have the right to remain silent but when I do it I wind up with a fork in my leg

submitted 3 hours ago • 0 comments

Say what you will, Fred rocked an orange ascot. There was a reason he and Daphne were always partnered up.

submitted 1 day ago • 5 comments

face first into the costco rotisserie chicken is what I have planned for this weekend Larry

submitted 15 hours ago • 4 comments

what other pos can we let off the hook today

submitted 16 hours ago • 0 comments

“let that sink in” ~ ticks probably

submitted 15 hours ago • 0 comments

lessons learned, he lied

submitted 15 hours ago • 0 comments

I leave my door unlocked at night in case someone wants to break in and murder me while I’m sleeping

submitted 18 hours ago • 2 comments