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lepslair.com
I may be a heart attack survivor, but my jokes are still fire. Married, developer, neurodivergent, ADHD, dyslexic, content creator, and streamer.
1,912 posts 1,892 followers 2,840 following
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I'm watching Now You See Me tonight

submitted 9 hours ago • 0 comments

Could the Last of Us follow the game a little more closely? Like where is Ellie dying every 5 minutes like she did when I played the game?

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

What do polar bears have for lunch? Ice burger

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

lepslair.com/gaming/xbox-...

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

When a cat is looking up a place in the world, it goes to a Catlas.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. Only a fraction of people will find this funny.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

A patient comes in and says "Doctor, Doctor you have to help me out!" He responds "Certainly, which way did you come in?"

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Knock Knock Who's there Bruno Bruno who? Bruno more tea for me

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road? It got stuck in a crack

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

What did the hamburger say when it pleaded 'not guilty'? I've been flamed!

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

I have recently started slicing my own fresh bread. My doctor told me to start cutting my carbs.

submitted 3 days ago • 0 comments

"Don't be afraid to cut people off" -Lorena Bobbitt

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

I'm reading "Grow Your Own Vegetables" by Rosa Carrotts

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

I applied to origami school but just got my rejection letter in the mail. I don’t know what to make of that.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

Patient: Doctor, Doctor I think I'm a yo-yo. Doctor: Are you stringing me along?

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

My wife just found out that I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the roof.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

The thief who stole my calendar got twelve months

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

Out of all the new inventions, I think the dry erase board is the most remarkable.

submitted 4 days ago • 1 comment

Artists cannot be trusted. They're sketchy, shady, and trying to frame you. You get the picture.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

What did the boy banana say to the girl banana? You have a lot of appeal.

submitted 4 days ago • 0 comments

I wonder how many people only know Lincoln suspended habeas corpus because of King of the Hill

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

lepslair.com/gaming/walki...

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Why did Dracula go to the orthodontist? He wanted to improve his bite.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Why does a flamingo lift up one leg? Because if he lifted up both legs it would fall over

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Studying fungus is a way to mold young minds.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

For plumbers, a flush beats a full house

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Spacing matters just as much as spelling. Even though I love wildlife, somehow I doubt that my friend hosted a Superb owl party.

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

What did the tree say, when he decided to always behave himself ? I'm gonna turn over a new leaf!

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

Grandpa started walking 3 miles a day when he turned 60. That was 22 years ago and we don't know where the hell he is!

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

What did the calf say to the silo? "Is my fodder in there?"

submitted 5 days ago • 0 comments

I hate people who use deep English just to make us feel intociolate by exuberance of verbosity betaprutal contraption.

submitted 5 days ago • 1 comment

I went to a specialist for an enema. He cleaned me out!

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

What kind of sharks make good carpenters? Hammerheads

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Communication is key.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

One day the brewmaster was taken ill luckily it was just a minor alement

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

I tried to save him with an IV, but it was in vein

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

Patient: Doctor, Doctor Have you got something for a bad headache? Doctor: Of course. Just take this hammer and hit yourself in the head. Then you'll have a bad headache.

submitted 6 days ago • 0 comments

How did the dog make anti-freeze? He stole her blanket.

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

lepslair.com/gaming/gta-6...

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

I'm reading Pig Breeding by Lena Bacon

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Where does a cow feel at home? On the range

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

Did you hear that in New York State, the Stop And Shop grocery chain merged with the A & P? Now they call it the...Stop & P

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

So I'm currently reading a book called 'There's a hole in my bucket!' By Lee King

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

What do insects learn at school ? Mothmatics!

submitted 7 days ago • 0 comments

A police officer pulled a man over after he'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street. Cop: Do you know where you were going? Man: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad, cause all the people were leaving!

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

Bobby Flay really should have named his daughter Sue

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

Why did the ghost go to the doctor? He needed a boo-ster shot.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

They’re going to have a poetry reading at the penitentiary They call it Prose and Cons

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

One Monk said to the other I'm leaving this place because I can't take the chants anymore.

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments

"Couples who stay together often pass gas at the same time." Quote from Egyptian Pharaoh Tootncommon

submitted 8 days ago • 0 comments